4 ms·

"HR risk if they use the wrong pronoun" I don't mean to pick on you personally, but this sort of thing gets on my nerves and I have to take a moment to say som

"HR risk if they use the wrong pronoun" I don't mean to pick on you personally, but this sort of thing gets on my nerves and I have to take a moment to say something here. I don't love how some people think I'm some sort of implicit threat or ticking time bomb because of stories they've heard or read about people like me. Like most people in the office, I just want to be able to do my work. I'm not trying to cause problems for people. The thought that me living my life makes some people feel like they have to walk on eggshells is awful. Luckily most people don't see me as some kind of threat like this, but it's obvious when people do. I can't speak for everyone, but for me personally, going to HR for _anything_ is terrifying. Going to HR to complain about a valid grievance is scary. Going to HR over a simple mistake that a well-meaning person made feels like it would explode my career. It's hard enough to get a job as an openly transgender person.

givemeethekeys 1y ago
Once you / someone in your network gets HR’d over something new, you will take steps to prevent a repeat event.
- JumpCrisscross 1y ago
  > Once you / someone in your network gets HR’d over something new I’ve met zero people who faced actual consequences for messing up a pronoun. Same for people who go thermonuclear over their preferred pronoun. Zero. Both seem to be more a feature of social media than reality.
  - givemeethekeys 1y ago
    I've met zero people who use pronouns. Definitely just a feature of social media reality and, based on job applications, HR people finding new ways to keep their jobs. I do know people who have been laid off "at will" after getting reported to HR because they had the wrong political opinion.
    - spondylosaurus 1y ago
      > I've met zero people who use pronouns. Unless any of your peers are cartoon cavemen who always use people's names in place of words like "I" or "him" or "us," I'm going to wager that 100% of the people you know do actually use pronouns.
    - kanbara 1y ago
      everyone has pronouns, just that they align with their outward gender / gender identity. btw i'm a sr engineering manager at a faang and my directory page has they/them pronouns on it. i don't care if people mess them up, and i don't correct people, but it's nice if they make an effort. the most nonbinary thing i do is paint my nails, but everything else about me is masc. and i've worked in rural parts of america and have had the exact opposite: a conservative opinion including "hey this republican is a really great candidate, now go vote in the next election!" from companies on the s&p500.
      - JumpCrisscross 1y ago
        > i've worked in rural parts of america and have had the exact opposite: a conservative opinion including "hey this republican is a really great candidate, now go vote in the next election!" from companies on the s&p500. Yup. It's difficult to balance the freedom of assembly, on one hand, and the freedom of political speech, on the other hand. Given political opinions are mutable it seems reasonable to hold people accountable for ones they express at the workplace. I'm less comfortable about punishing people at work for opinions expressed outside of it. But it's also naive to pretend customers, vendors and the public won't judge you based on the public opinions of your employees.
        givemeethekeys 1y ago
        Freedom of expression, but only for those with Fuck You money?
        JumpCrisscross 1y ago
- skyyler 1y ago
  Genuine question, have you been HR'd over something new? Could you share your experiences?
  - givemeethekeys 1y ago
    Me? No. I have worked in many companies and seen my fair share of train wrecks. I practice an abundance of caution in an office setting. I wish I didn't have to but the financial risk, for me, is far too great to have any kind of a political opinion. I don't drink at company events. I don't ask personal questions. I don't have a political or personal opinion. I don't invite anyone at the office to personal events. God bless noise cancelling headphones! It is very stifling and I don't wish it on anyone.
    - skyyler 1y ago
      >I have worked in many companies and seen my fair share of train wrecks. I'd love to hear some stories from you, if you're willing to share. I would like to understand why there's a segment of the population that is so afraid of people like me.

givemeethekeys 1y ago

Once you / someone in your network gets HR’d over something new, you will take steps to prevent a repeat event.

JumpCrisscross 1y ago
> Once you / someone in your network gets HR’d over something new I’ve met zero people who faced actual consequences for messing up a pronoun. Same for people who go thermonuclear over their preferred pronoun. Zero. Both seem to be more a feature of social media than reality.
- givemeethekeys 1y ago
  I've met zero people who use pronouns. Definitely just a feature of social media reality and, based on job applications, HR people finding new ways to keep their jobs. I do know people who have been laid off "at will" after getting reported to HR because they had the wrong political opinion.
  - spondylosaurus 1y ago
    > I've met zero people who use pronouns. Unless any of your peers are cartoon cavemen who always use people's names in place of words like "I" or "him" or "us," I'm going to wager that 100% of the people you know do actually use pronouns.
  - kanbara 1y ago
    everyone has pronouns, just that they align with their outward gender / gender identity. btw i'm a sr engineering manager at a faang and my directory page has they/them pronouns on it. i don't care if people mess them up, and i don't correct people, but it's nice if they make an effort. the most nonbinary thing i do is paint my nails, but everything else about me is masc. and i've worked in rural parts of america and have had the exact opposite: a conservative opinion including "hey this republican is a really great candidate, now go vote in the next election!" from companies on the s&p500.
    - JumpCrisscross 1y ago
      > i've worked in rural parts of america and have had the exact opposite: a conservative opinion including "hey this republican is a really great candidate, now go vote in the next election!" from companies on the s&p500. Yup. It's difficult to balance the freedom of assembly, on one hand, and the freedom of political speech, on the other hand. Given political opinions are mutable it seems reasonable to hold people accountable for ones they express at the workplace. I'm less comfortable about punishing people at work for opinions expressed outside of it. But it's also naive to pretend customers, vendors and the public won't judge you based on the public opinions of your employees.
      - givemeethekeys 1y ago
        Freedom of expression, but only for those with Fuck You money?
        JumpCrisscross 1y ago
skyyler 1y ago
Genuine question, have you been HR'd over something new? Could you share your experiences?
- givemeethekeys 1y ago
  Me? No. I have worked in many companies and seen my fair share of train wrecks. I practice an abundance of caution in an office setting. I wish I didn't have to but the financial risk, for me, is far too great to have any kind of a political opinion. I don't drink at company events. I don't ask personal questions. I don't have a political or personal opinion. I don't invite anyone at the office to personal events. God bless noise cancelling headphones! It is very stifling and I don't wish it on anyone.
  - skyyler 1y ago
    >I have worked in many companies and seen my fair share of train wrecks. I'd love to hear some stories from you, if you're willing to share. I would like to understand why there's a segment of the population that is so afraid of people like me.