What I hate about office politics is that it feels like all the planets have to align to get what you want. It's not reliable. I'm way too clumsy and unpredict

What I hate about office politics is that it feels like all the planets have to align to get what you want. It's not reliable. I'm way too clumsy and unpredictable for this 'one shot to make an impression' approach. During critical times, I tend to put forward my worst self, I can't help it. I tend to pathologically undersell myself and my work. Like my brain wants me to do everything on hard mode, just for entertainment value and so that I have stuff to talk/complain about. It's like I self-sabotage to ensure that my success rate stays below 10%. When bad stuff happens, I don't even feel anything anymore. I expect failure. Though I still feel really great in those rare times when good stuff happens.