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Sorry to hear that’s your experience. I’m staying with my parents this week and I visited the local bouldering gym alone on Wednesday and last night. On Wedne

by _zaey 1y ago

Sorry to hear that’s your experience. I’m staying with my parents this week and I visited the local bouldering gym alone on Wednesday and last night. On Wednesday I met someone called Nelly, and hung out with them for the session. Yesterday I bumped into Nelly with their friends Maddie and Kate and climbed with them. I’m leaving on Sunday so I gave one of them my number and they messaged me to say it was great fun climbing together. Now we might be climbing again this weekend. Granted, I approached them, but all it took was asking Nelly, “How did you find that route?” and asking them for tips. The bouldering gym is what you make it, just hang out and don’t assume people will reject you (which can be a difficult headspace to get out of, but exposure therapy will fix that, and the bouldering gym can be that exposure therapy)

FirmwareBurner 1y ago
You don't need to go to the bouldering gym to make small talk hoping it becomes more than that. You can make small talk everywhere like libraries, cafes, bars, meet-ups, concerts, stand-ups, etc. places where the main activity is talking, not exercising. And if sports is your jam, team sports are better for socializing than solitary sports like bouldering, because you are forced to work together and build connections even without talking too much. From my experience here, bouldering gym are the worst if socializing is your main goal because local people go there to exercise not hang around to talk to strangers and build connections, even if you're the one initiation the conversations. Socializing with strangers at the bouldering gym seems to be a mostly anglosphere thing or a big international city young urbanite thing as people mostly go there to hang out and meet new people instead of exercise. But again, bouldering is not a very easy sport for everyone to pick-up and master.
- _zaey 1y ago
  I suppose it’s very different here in the UK then
  - SunlitCat 1y ago
    I think it's kind of a German thing. Even as a German, I sometimes struggle to connect with others for many of the reasons FirmwareBurner mentioned. I made some good friends through a sports group I attend, which also organizes regular social events outside of training. But aside from that, many so-called 'low-key social spaces' tend to feel like they're 'only for groups' Not because of any official rules, of course, although some places do advertise things like 'bring your friends', but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups. These aren’t necessarily close friends either, sometimes it's coworkers or people who already know each other through other contexts. Those groups tend to stick together, and it's rare for outsiders to be included unless you already know someone who can introduce you.
    - FirmwareBurner 1y ago
      >I think it's kind of a German thing. Nordic, Scandinavian, German, Austrian, Swiss, etc any culture where personal space is valued and talking to random strangers/outsiders in public not the norm. >but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups. Because most people by the age of 25+, or whenever they graduate college/university already have their core social circle solidified and don't have the time, space and energy to seek or even let newcomers in. If you move into town after that age, you're gonna have un uphill battle to squeeze yourself into groups no matter how sociable you are or how good your bouldering skills are unless you run into other similar loners looking for friends, then you're in luck. It's just the way it is, it's not your fault and not other peoples' fault , hence why I dislike such broad stroke one size fits all advices like "just do bouldering bro" as that's missing a lot of the context and variables that relationships are built on. You should choose activities based on what you most enjoy to do, not based on which others tell you leads to make relationships.
  - FirmwareBurner 1y ago
    UK has people much more sociable and open compared to Germanic/Nordic cultures.
- sfmz 1y ago
  Small-talk is dying people on their iPhones constantly scrolling every spare moment

by _zaey 1y ago

FirmwareBurner 1y ago

You don't need to go to the bouldering gym to make small talk hoping it becomes more than that. You can make small talk everywhere like libraries, cafes, bars, meet-ups, concerts, stand-ups, etc. places where the main activity is talking, not exercising. And if sports is your jam, team sports are better for socializing than solitary sports like bouldering, because you are forced to work together and build connections even without talking too much. From my experience here, bouldering gym are the worst if socializing is your main goal because local people go there to exercise not hang around to talk to strangers and build connections, even if you're the one initiation the conversations. Socializing with strangers at the bouldering gym seems to be a mostly anglosphere thing or a big international city young urbanite thing as people mostly go there to hang out and meet new people instead of exercise. But again, bouldering is not a very easy sport for everyone to pick-up and master.

_zaey 1y ago
I suppose it’s very different here in the UK then
- SunlitCat 1y ago
  I think it's kind of a German thing. Even as a German, I sometimes struggle to connect with others for many of the reasons FirmwareBurner mentioned. I made some good friends through a sports group I attend, which also organizes regular social events outside of training. But aside from that, many so-called 'low-key social spaces' tend to feel like they're 'only for groups' Not because of any official rules, of course, although some places do advertise things like 'bring your friends', but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups. These aren’t necessarily close friends either, sometimes it's coworkers or people who already know each other through other contexts. Those groups tend to stick together, and it's rare for outsiders to be included unless you already know someone who can introduce you.
  - FirmwareBurner 1y ago
    >I think it's kind of a German thing. Nordic, Scandinavian, German, Austrian, Swiss, etc any culture where personal space is valued and talking to random strangers/outsiders in public not the norm. >but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups. Because most people by the age of 25+, or whenever they graduate college/university already have their core social circle solidified and don't have the time, space and energy to seek or even let newcomers in. If you move into town after that age, you're gonna have un uphill battle to squeeze yourself into groups no matter how sociable you are or how good your bouldering skills are unless you run into other similar loners looking for friends, then you're in luck. It's just the way it is, it's not your fault and not other peoples' fault , hence why I dislike such broad stroke one size fits all advices like "just do bouldering bro" as that's missing a lot of the context and variables that relationships are built on. You should choose activities based on what you most enjoy to do, not based on which others tell you leads to make relationships.
- FirmwareBurner 1y ago
  UK has people much more sociable and open compared to Germanic/Nordic cultures.
sfmz 1y ago
Small-talk is dying people on their iPhones constantly scrolling every spare moment