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In my view, this tends to go out the window when randoms on the Internet share hints and suggestions in the first place. This is known in some parts as “vague b

In my view, this tends to go out the window when randoms on the Internet share hints and suggestions in the first place. This is known in some parts as “vague booking” which is intended to possibly elicit sympathy or a similar reaction, with the intent of getting a feeling out of their system. A good example of this would be a Facebook post similar to the following: “oh wooow I had such a hard day! Can’t believe what I had to do to overcome! Craaaazy time! I hope nothing like that happens again.” and then provide zero context. Then they act surprised anyone would request for more details. I don’t get the pearl clutching folks like this do. If you have no intention of elaborating, either don’t engage in any responses or don’t bother sharing anything on the Internet at all. To be clear, this is not a dunk on you or anyone in particular. Just explaining why others might be so inquisitive.

ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago
Eh. Not "vague-booking." Interesting appellation. Hadn't heard of it before. There's fairly practical reasons for not disclosing these specifics in public. Some folks here would probably understand, quite well. Like I said, I think that people oversharing on TikTok has gotten folks thinking that they have the authority to demand intimacy from anyone they want. If someone doesn't share their secrets, then "what are they hiding?" or "They are being fake." Can understand it, but I'm not particularly sympathetic to that mindset. I certainly don't think that of others. I'm 63, and not interested in impressing anyone. I can share more than many, because I'm no longer looking for work, but I couldn't care any less, about being some kind of tragic archetype.
- gardenhedge 1y ago
  I hadn't heard of "Vaguebooking" either but intuitively recognised it immediately. That nails this thread really. Your reply also has a subtweet style to it - but I sure there's a better word to describe it! Anyway, look at us now not talking about the subject... Because it was only vaguely referenced in the first place.
  - ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago
    Exactly. To be fair, though, some of the most interesting stuff on HN, comes from “diverted” comment threads (not this one, though). Of course, I’ve always made it easy to get in touch with me. I would assume that if someone was legitimately interested in the backstory (as opposed to some prurient interest in public grandstanding), they could contact me directly. It has happened, in the past.
    - TheAmazingRace 1y ago
      That is quite fair to have a division on what you post out in the open and in private messages. At least there, I see an expression of sharing in good faith, without needing to spill all the beans.
    - gardenhedge 1y ago
      I haven't seen that type of grandstanding on HN - could be a tiktok thing though. HNers are normally open to discussing what they themselves post about. I think we can agree to leave the vaguebooking to the sulky teens on FB.
      - ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago
        When someone insists that you expose in public, and refuses to engage in any other manner, then that’s an issue. I see a fair amount of pretty classic “schoolyard bully” behavior on HN, which is interesting, as this is a professional forum, frequented by some of the most influential people in the industry. Bullies like an audience. They want people to see their behavior. I know of a number of folks on HN, that are convicted felons, often running companies that help other convicted felons, interested in going legit (This does not include the much greater number of “uncaught” felons. I bet that every blackhat has an HN handle, and I'll also bet that they are some of the best-behaved HN members). Occasionally, one of these folks may choose to post some portion of their personal journey. I am grateful to read what they post, and would never dream of demanding that they post more. If I find what they post compelling, I might contact them directly.

ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago

Eh. Not "vague-booking." Interesting appellation. Hadn't heard of it before. There's fairly practical reasons for not disclosing these specifics in public. Some folks here would probably understand, quite well. Like I said, I think that people oversharing on TikTok has gotten folks thinking that they have the authority to demand intimacy from anyone they want. If someone doesn't share their secrets, then "what are they hiding?" or "They are being fake." Can understand it, but I'm not particularly sympathetic to that mindset. I certainly don't think that of others. I'm 63, and not interested in impressing anyone. I can share more than many, because I'm no longer looking for work, but I couldn't care any less, about being some kind of tragic archetype.

gardenhedge 1y ago
I hadn't heard of "Vaguebooking" either but intuitively recognised it immediately. That nails this thread really. Your reply also has a subtweet style to it - but I sure there's a better word to describe it! Anyway, look at us now not talking about the subject... Because it was only vaguely referenced in the first place.
- ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago
  Exactly. To be fair, though, some of the most interesting stuff on HN, comes from “diverted” comment threads (not this one, though). Of course, I’ve always made it easy to get in touch with me. I would assume that if someone was legitimately interested in the backstory (as opposed to some prurient interest in public grandstanding), they could contact me directly. It has happened, in the past.
  - TheAmazingRace 1y ago
    That is quite fair to have a division on what you post out in the open and in private messages. At least there, I see an expression of sharing in good faith, without needing to spill all the beans.
  - gardenhedge 1y ago
    I haven't seen that type of grandstanding on HN - could be a tiktok thing though. HNers are normally open to discussing what they themselves post about. I think we can agree to leave the vaguebooking to the sulky teens on FB.
    - ChrisMarshallNY 1y ago
      When someone insists that you expose in public, and refuses to engage in any other manner, then that’s an issue. I see a fair amount of pretty classic “schoolyard bully” behavior on HN, which is interesting, as this is a professional forum, frequented by some of the most influential people in the industry. Bullies like an audience. They want people to see their behavior. I know of a number of folks on HN, that are convicted felons, often running companies that help other convicted felons, interested in going legit (This does not include the much greater number of “uncaught” felons. I bet that every blackhat has an HN handle, and I'll also bet that they are some of the best-behaved HN members). Occasionally, one of these folks may choose to post some portion of their personal journey. I am grateful to read what they post, and would never dream of demanding that they post more. If I find what they post compelling, I might contact them directly.