2 ms·

It sounds like he has a very "zero-sum" type of mindset and views most people around him as potential competition instead of potential collaborators. Scarcity m

It sounds like he has a very "zero-sum" type of mindset and views most people around him as potential competition instead of potential collaborators. Scarcity mindsets taken to extremes make people focus only on what they can lose. If I'm being charitable, maybe your friend has been struggling with things behind the scenes? But honestly it sounds more like a personality thing. And all of that being said, none of us are perfect. I would hope your friend has at least some redeeming qualities, something you enjoy about him. Otherwise, it sounds like, at least lately, your friendship with him has been taking energy and peace from you and giving you...what? (And I say that not to mean friendships are only about "gaining" something, but they are meant to be mutually supportive with some ebbs and flows.)

neom 1y ago
We used to enjoy drinking together, but now I'm sober, we don't do that anymore. I suspect that was the thing we had in common, we loved getting smashed together... :\
- Sammi 1y ago
  Sound like you're capable of reflecting and growing, which is awesome. You don't need to be hard on yourself or your friend. You might just be becoming mindful that you need other friendships that have other qualities to them, than the friendships you've had in the past had. This is just growth. Also making new friends is super fun. It's a bit challenging to "put yourself out there" and all that, but all of the best things in life are hard. I really like cheering for my friends, and lots of other people do too. You can find these people now that you know what you're looking for. Also I've never had much luck with work friends. Work seems to get in the way. These days board games are my best strategy for maintaining friendships. You need some sort of "third place" for maintaining good friendships: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place

neom 1y ago

We used to enjoy drinking together, but now I'm sober, we don't do that anymore. I suspect that was the thing we had in common, we loved getting smashed together... :\

Sammi 1y ago
Sound like you're capable of reflecting and growing, which is awesome. You don't need to be hard on yourself or your friend. You might just be becoming mindful that you need other friendships that have other qualities to them, than the friendships you've had in the past had. This is just growth. Also making new friends is super fun. It's a bit challenging to "put yourself out there" and all that, but all of the best things in life are hard. I really like cheering for my friends, and lots of other people do too. You can find these people now that you know what you're looking for. Also I've never had much luck with work friends. Work seems to get in the way. These days board games are my best strategy for maintaining friendships. You need some sort of "third place" for maintaining good friendships: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place