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I don't agree with the other commenters here. I used to be the same way, I'd be happy for my friends when they got a win, but I wouldn't be happy about it, beca

I don't agree with the other commenters here. I used to be the same way, I'd be happy for my friends when they got a win, but I wouldn't be happy about it, because I saw it as a zero-sum game, where someone else winning meant I was somehow losing, or wasn't good enough. One day, a friend told me about how a founder he knew had raised a round, and I said something like "damn, it's always everyone else" and my friend went "why not just be happy for them? It's not like they're hurting you". That's when I realized that yes, I could just be happy for them, and that they indeed didn't hurt me, and that I could just be making this an overall happier event by being happy. Since then, I'm genuinely happy when anyone wins, to the point where I'll complain to people about something that happens to me, they'll say "well if it makes you feel better, that happened to me too", and my response is "why would it make me feel better that my friend also had this bad thing happen to them?", which gets some puzzled "you're right" responses. I think it is widespread that people feel like this, hence the "if it makes you feel better" response. I think if your friend understands that this isn't a great way to feel, it'll all be OK.

dcuthbertson 1y ago
> "why would it make me feel better that my friend also had this bad thing happen to them?" Sometimes people feel alone in their failures. Knowing that something similar has happened to others can help the person feel less alone.
- datameta 1y ago
  I like to bring up a similar anecdote to the faux pas that just happened. For example, a friend taking a wrong turn, adding time to the ride and making the party somewhat late. It halted the conversation in the car, and to ease the tension I pointed out how I "do that at least once per every drive to X" to try to make the driver less self-conscious and so the other passengers aren't sitting in awkward silence.

dcuthbertson 1y ago

> "why would it make me feel better that my friend also had this bad thing happen to them?" Sometimes people feel alone in their failures. Knowing that something similar has happened to others can help the person feel less alone.

datameta 1y ago
I like to bring up a similar anecdote to the faux pas that just happened. For example, a friend taking a wrong turn, adding time to the ride and making the party somewhat late. It halted the conversation in the car, and to ease the tension I pointed out how I "do that at least once per every drive to X" to try to make the driver less self-conscious and so the other passengers aren't sitting in awkward silence.