4 ms·

Not saying I agree with the premise of the article at all but making life decisions based on how much others will respect it is a terrible way to live

weregiraffe 1y ago
Humans are a social species. Your happiness absolutely depends on what other people think about you.
- AstroBen 1y ago
  Good luck making everyone like you
tonyedgecombe 1y ago
Yes, it seems the only thing the world around me respects is conspicuous consumption. It's better for your own wellbeing if you can avoid indulging that.
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
andrewrn 1y ago
We're wired to yield to social pressures, it is what allowed us to create civilization. You're right, the energy spent to overcome it is well spent, but its not as trivial as you make it sound to be low-status and feel fulfilled.
- AstroBen 1y ago
  Status is relative to who's doing the judging.. and everyone views things differently. I'd argue you don't have much of a choice whether you're low or high status in some people's eyes. Whether you feel it regularly heavily depends on who you surround yourself with Your career = your social status is a very American point of view Eat meat and vegans will look down on you Ride a bike for transport in America and you're poor, do it in Europe and it's normal Nomads will judge you on your experiences and travel, not your career. Wealthy CEO thats invested everything in their work but never left their home country? Low status Go out on your own and take a risk of starting a business in Asia and people will be confused why you'd do that vs the safe path Invest a tonne of energy into making money and anti-consumerist folk will laugh Skinny? Better bulk up lest the bodybuilders see you as low status.. but wait, if you bulk up people will judge you for being vain. Shit The status game isn't winnable. Best thing you can do is surround yourself with people of similar values
  - ryandrake 1y ago
    Letting go of social pressures, “status” and not worrying about what other people think of me was the single biggest quality-of-life improvement I ever made.
  - andrewrn 1y ago
    "Surround yourself with people of similar values"... so in other words, you mean find a group where you're of similar status. We're not in disagreement.
deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
owenversteeg 1y ago
I used to be a guy that genuinely didn't care about what others thought. I did my own thing. As they say: those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. That worked surprisingly well for quite a while. And then I slowly realized the benefits of society. It's nice to be a part of this big human experiment of ours. It's nice to have respect. And the thing is, it doesn't have to cost you that much. You don't have to go full-conformist. If you do a few basic things that are fairly low-effort you get a good bit of leeway in the eyes of the world. I'm still a pretty weird guy; just one that wears a squid on his head less often. Soul still intact. Coming back to the article topic, often times society's judgment saves people from making stupid decisions. For example, in non-HN circles, "I am going to go move far away from anyone I know to live in a dilapidated building in one of the most depressed towns in the Northeast and work at a gas station" would garner enough judgment to stop that person in their tracks. If you've ever been to a town like this, you realize that is a good thing! Statistically, they've just been saved from ODing on fentanyl! Same thing for all kinds of socially undesirable behaviors. If you think people do crazy shit now, imagine what they'd do without a society around them.
- AstroBen 1y ago
  > would garner enough judgment to stop that person in their tracks I don't agree the judgement itself should be the factor that stops them. Having that as an overly strong measuring stick is incredibly limiting. It's an indicator of something, sure.. but you should look for actual reasons and where it's coming from If you ask "everyone seems to think this is a terrible idea.. why?". Well in the 'dilapidated building in a depressed town' case you'd pretty quickly find 100 reasons not to do it, as you pointed out. In a lot of other situations though there are none. Everyone is just following everyone else and no-ones truly considered the alternatives on their own merit I'm with you that there's a good balance. I don't see a reason in being actively non-conformist or anything. There's an innate drawback to not conforming.. it makes you a little weird and un-relatable. Just need to make sure the benefits make up for it

weregiraffe 1y ago

Humans are a social species. Your happiness absolutely depends on what other people think about you.

AstroBen 1y ago
Good luck making everyone like you

tonyedgecombe 1y ago

Yes, it seems the only thing the world around me respects is conspicuous consumption. It's better for your own wellbeing if you can avoid indulging that.

deleted 1y ago
[deleted]

andrewrn 1y ago

We're wired to yield to social pressures, it is what allowed us to create civilization. You're right, the energy spent to overcome it is well spent, but its not as trivial as you make it sound to be low-status and feel fulfilled.

AstroBen 1y ago
Status is relative to who's doing the judging.. and everyone views things differently. I'd argue you don't have much of a choice whether you're low or high status in some people's eyes. Whether you feel it regularly heavily depends on who you surround yourself with Your career = your social status is a very American point of view Eat meat and vegans will look down on you Ride a bike for transport in America and you're poor, do it in Europe and it's normal Nomads will judge you on your experiences and travel, not your career. Wealthy CEO thats invested everything in their work but never left their home country? Low status Go out on your own and take a risk of starting a business in Asia and people will be confused why you'd do that vs the safe path Invest a tonne of energy into making money and anti-consumerist folk will laugh Skinny? Better bulk up lest the bodybuilders see you as low status.. but wait, if you bulk up people will judge you for being vain. Shit The status game isn't winnable. Best thing you can do is surround yourself with people of similar values
- ryandrake 1y ago
  Letting go of social pressures, “status” and not worrying about what other people think of me was the single biggest quality-of-life improvement I ever made.
- andrewrn 1y ago
  "Surround yourself with people of similar values"... so in other words, you mean find a group where you're of similar status. We're not in disagreement.

deleted 1y ago

[deleted]

owenversteeg 1y ago

I used to be a guy that genuinely didn't care about what others thought. I did my own thing. As they say: those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. That worked surprisingly well for quite a while. And then I slowly realized the benefits of society. It's nice to be a part of this big human experiment of ours. It's nice to have respect. And the thing is, it doesn't have to cost you that much. You don't have to go full-conformist. If you do a few basic things that are fairly low-effort you get a good bit of leeway in the eyes of the world. I'm still a pretty weird guy; just one that wears a squid on his head less often. Soul still intact. Coming back to the article topic, often times society's judgment saves people from making stupid decisions. For example, in non-HN circles, "I am going to go move far away from anyone I know to live in a dilapidated building in one of the most depressed towns in the Northeast and work at a gas station" would garner enough judgment to stop that person in their tracks. If you've ever been to a town like this, you realize that is a good thing! Statistically, they've just been saved from ODing on fentanyl! Same thing for all kinds of socially undesirable behaviors. If you think people do crazy shit now, imagine what they'd do without a society around them.

AstroBen 1y ago
> would garner enough judgment to stop that person in their tracks I don't agree the judgement itself should be the factor that stops them. Having that as an overly strong measuring stick is incredibly limiting. It's an indicator of something, sure.. but you should look for actual reasons and where it's coming from If you ask "everyone seems to think this is a terrible idea.. why?". Well in the 'dilapidated building in a depressed town' case you'd pretty quickly find 100 reasons not to do it, as you pointed out. In a lot of other situations though there are none. Everyone is just following everyone else and no-ones truly considered the alternatives on their own merit I'm with you that there's a good balance. I don't see a reason in being actively non-conformist or anything. There's an innate drawback to not conforming.. it makes you a little weird and un-relatable. Just need to make sure the benefits make up for it