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As someone who has “reinvented” myself more than once (mostly due to school/job transfers), it seems what wasn’t said is equally if not more important. Rarely

As someone who has “reinvented” myself more than once (mostly due to school/job transfers), it seems what wasn’t said is equally if not more important. Rarely can you “find your people” without letting other people go. The unspoken truth in this article is that it’s just as important to be willing to let go of relationships that aren’t helping you grow. Easier said than done. Whether it’s the negative influence of a toxic friend, or the mediocre advice of an overbearing parent (who is just trying to keep you on the rails), other people rarely have your best interests in mind. Losing the people who aren’t “your people” is (usually) a necessary step to finding the right people.

jll29 1y ago
> or the mediocre advice of an overbearing parent For what it's worth, I teach my students not to listen to their parents, because while most parents want the best for their children, without doubt, their assumptions are typically outdated, and were probably already wrong when they were young.
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
- ip26 1y ago
  As categorical guidance, that seems like a problematic thing to teach. First, parents don’t know everything, but they know their kids and have witnessed their journey, so they have a unique perspective to offer. Second, parents will begin to (justifiably!!) grow suspicious of your institution and develop resentment, which is a serious structural problem. Hopefully what you mean is something like you teach them to think critically about their parents advice as one input among many, understanding where the advice comes from and its inherent strengths and flaws.
  - socalgal2 1y ago
    My personal experience is my parents’ advice was almost universally bad. Fortunately they still supported my own decisions. I still find it frustrating talking to them about my goals/issues as their takes are extremely irrelevant to my situation
- bkeyes 1y ago
  For what it's worth, I teach my children not to listen to their teachers, because while most teachers want the best for their students, without doubt, their assumptions are typically outdated, and were probably already wrong when they were young.
- jaredhallen 1y ago
  Yikes.
jll29 1y ago
As Kermit the Frog in his Maryland commencement speech said, Jim Henson took people for "what they are": https://www.youtube.com/live/hLFa8zGeotI?feature=shared&t=7444 https://www.youtube.com/live/hLFa8zGeotI?feature=shared&t=74... Do NOT "fake it until you make it". Be yourself. And find people who accept you as you are.
- lanfeust6 1y ago
  This is semantic baggage to me. Identity is best loosely held, and it's mostly determined by our actions. There's no real faking, just acting in accordance to, or against, one's preferences. Colloquially when people use the term "fake it till you make it" they don't really mean "pretend to be a different person". They just mean act in the face of uncertainty. You can do it with or without undeserved confidence, it's besides.
  - dasil003 1y ago
    I tend to agree with you, but there’s another saying: “play to your strengths”, because people don’t all have the same potentials. I think it’s healthy to always strive for self improvement, but going with the grain of one’s personality is easier and likely to land in a better place. That’s the message I take from “be yourself”, but I have to admit that it does ring a bit hollow when one is young and hungry.
- thimkerbell 1y ago
  Which is easier in a denser population.

jll29 1y ago

> or the mediocre advice of an overbearing parent For what it's worth, I teach my students not to listen to their parents, because while most parents want the best for their children, without doubt, their assumptions are typically outdated, and were probably already wrong when they were young.

deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
ip26 1y ago
As categorical guidance, that seems like a problematic thing to teach. First, parents don’t know everything, but they know their kids and have witnessed their journey, so they have a unique perspective to offer. Second, parents will begin to (justifiably!!) grow suspicious of your institution and develop resentment, which is a serious structural problem. Hopefully what you mean is something like you teach them to think critically about their parents advice as one input among many, understanding where the advice comes from and its inherent strengths and flaws.
- socalgal2 1y ago
  My personal experience is my parents’ advice was almost universally bad. Fortunately they still supported my own decisions. I still find it frustrating talking to them about my goals/issues as their takes are extremely irrelevant to my situation
bkeyes 1y ago
For what it's worth, I teach my children not to listen to their teachers, because while most teachers want the best for their students, without doubt, their assumptions are typically outdated, and were probably already wrong when they were young.
jaredhallen 1y ago
Yikes.

jll29 1y ago

As Kermit the Frog in his Maryland commencement speech said, Jim Henson took people for "what they are": https://www.youtube.com/live/hLFa8zGeotI?feature=shared&t=7444 https://www.youtube.com/live/hLFa8zGeotI?feature=shared&t=74... Do NOT "fake it until you make it". Be yourself. And find people who accept you as you are.

lanfeust6 1y ago
This is semantic baggage to me. Identity is best loosely held, and it's mostly determined by our actions. There's no real faking, just acting in accordance to, or against, one's preferences. Colloquially when people use the term "fake it till you make it" they don't really mean "pretend to be a different person". They just mean act in the face of uncertainty. You can do it with or without undeserved confidence, it's besides.
- dasil003 1y ago
  I tend to agree with you, but there’s another saying: “play to your strengths”, because people don’t all have the same potentials. I think it’s healthy to always strive for self improvement, but going with the grain of one’s personality is easier and likely to land in a better place. That’s the message I take from “be yourself”, but I have to admit that it does ring a bit hollow when one is young and hungry.
thimkerbell 1y ago
Which is easier in a denser population.