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> You stop performing. You stop pretending. And that’s freedom. Reminds me of a talk Ian McKellen gave somewhere, where he says that we're always wearing costu

> You stop performing. You stop pretending. And that’s freedom. Reminds me of a talk Ian McKellen gave somewhere, where he says that we're always wearing costumes and acting. I can relate, I've acted when I was younger, to try to fit in, be acceptable, make friends. A while ago I stopped caring. I have no friends on earth, and I'm fine with it. The few times I tried to connect with people while allowing myself to fully be myself, it never worked. I wonder if they were still just acting.

manmal 1y ago
Have you considered you might be neurodivergent, and need similarly neurodivergent friends?
- 90s_dev 1y ago
  I'm not, but I see how it sounded that way. I'm just picky lately. I can relate to most people on at least something, and can make friends easily. I don't struggle with that. I just don't care about those interests enough to put the effort in lately, and I have few circumstances tying me to specific people anymore (neighbors, coworkers, family, etc). Maybe it's because of where I am in life, and my current responsibilities. [edit] For example, when it seems like you're near the end of your life, you think much more about bigger picture things, like your own mortality, the past and future, what mark you did or didn't leave on the world, love, truth, beauty, goodness, and a lot of heavy things that people generally don't want to talk or think about when they're in their prime and want to enjoy it.
  - manmal 1y ago
    I think community is a (the?) source of joy, and it‘s unfortunate you‘re having these issues. And I wouldn’t just blame it on being picky, there could be root causes for this that are not obvious - like burnout, other mental issues, brain health issues. Not all can be fixed of course.
    - 90s_dev 1y ago
      I'm just old.
alabastervlog 1y ago
You might like Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Johnstone, if you've not already read it. It all of: lays bare the "masks" we wear and the "status games" we play in everyday life; explains the importance of dropping certain common "masks" and various status-related hang-ups to achieve a child-like egolessness and vulnerability, in order to access real creativity; and, further, the liberating power and social-connectedness creating effects of playing with and in masks and status-games. It's also a really short book, which doesn't hurt. (here "masks" and "status games" are terms Johnstone defines for his purposes, but what you can guess from context is probably close enough to his intended usage for this post)

manmal 1y ago

Have you considered you might be neurodivergent, and need similarly neurodivergent friends?

90s_dev 1y ago
I'm not, but I see how it sounded that way. I'm just picky lately. I can relate to most people on at least something, and can make friends easily. I don't struggle with that. I just don't care about those interests enough to put the effort in lately, and I have few circumstances tying me to specific people anymore (neighbors, coworkers, family, etc). Maybe it's because of where I am in life, and my current responsibilities. [edit] For example, when it seems like you're near the end of your life, you think much more about bigger picture things, like your own mortality, the past and future, what mark you did or didn't leave on the world, love, truth, beauty, goodness, and a lot of heavy things that people generally don't want to talk or think about when they're in their prime and want to enjoy it.
- manmal 1y ago
  I think community is a (the?) source of joy, and it‘s unfortunate you‘re having these issues. And I wouldn’t just blame it on being picky, there could be root causes for this that are not obvious - like burnout, other mental issues, brain health issues. Not all can be fixed of course.
  - 90s_dev 1y ago
    I'm just old.

alabastervlog 1y ago

You might like Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Johnstone, if you've not already read it. It all of: lays bare the "masks" we wear and the "status games" we play in everyday life; explains the importance of dropping certain common "masks" and various status-related hang-ups to achieve a child-like egolessness and vulnerability, in order to access real creativity; and, further, the liberating power and social-connectedness creating effects of playing with and in masks and status-games. It's also a really short book, which doesn't hurt. (here "masks" and "status games" are terms Johnstone defines for his purposes, but what you can guess from context is probably close enough to his intended usage for this post)