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I've never ever thought about needing a therapist. Don't remember anyone in my circle who had ever mentioned it. Similar to how I don't remember anyone going to

I've never ever thought about needing a therapist. Don't remember anyone in my circle who had ever mentioned it. Similar to how I don't remember anyone going to a palm reader. I'm not trying to diss either profession, I'm sure someone benefits from them, it's just not for me. And I'm sure I'm pretty average in terms of emotional intelligence or psychological issues. Who are all those people who need professional therapists to talk to? Just curious.

Henchman21 1y ago
Well, in my circles its an assumption you’re in therapy. Perhaps this says way more about the circles I’m in that anything else? I was pushed into therapy when I was 12 — which was definitely an exception at the time (1987). As the years have passed therapy has become much much more acceptable. It wouldn’t shock me to learn my own perception is shaped by my experiences; hard to put aside a PoV once acquired.
- kergonath 1y ago
  > Well, in my circles its an assumption you’re in therapy. Perhaps this says way more about the circles I’m in that anything else? This sounds like an old Woody Allen movie. I don’t want to offend you but it is fascinating. What kind of social circles is it? In mine, therapy is in general something you do when it’s obvious it’s too late and you are falling in the well of depression and that you try to hide as much as you can.
  - Henchman21 1y ago
    To be fair my life feels like an old Woody Allen movie. Like I have definitely first hand experienced a rotary fan blowing a pile of cocaine in someone’s face!! My professional circle would be my coworkers at a well-known HFT, and my extended network that is very similar. Everyone is well compensated and many reach out for professional help to deal with the stress. Many also seem to vastly prefer a paid therapist to their spouse, for instance. I’m not married but I can understand not wanting to burden your loved ones! My personal circle is, well, a lot of technical people, engineers of various stripes, and what I guess I’d call a sort of “standard cast of characters” there? Not sure how best to put this into words? Honestly it sounds like we’re handling it better than your after-the-fact help! Perhaps you all need to simply start at the first warning sign not the first episode that becomes public?
automatoney 1y ago
A little strange to compare it to palm reading, I feel like a more apt comparison is some other random medical field like podiatry. I wouldn't expect my friends' podiatrist usage to come up, so I'm sure more of my friends than I know have been to one. And presumably, like with podiatry, all the people who need professional therapists are people who are experiencing issues in the relevant area.
- kadushka 1y ago
  To me a podiatrist is more comparable to a psychiatrist than to a therapist.
kergonath 1y ago
> I've never ever thought about needing a therapist. Most people don’t need a therapist. But unfortunately, most people need someone empathic they can talk to and who understands them. Modern life is very short on this sort of people, so therapists have to do.
- kadushka 1y ago
  For me this would be a spouse, a relative, an old friend, or even a stranger at a party.
  - kergonath 1y ago
    No argument from me :)
- kbelder 1y ago
  I think this is it. Therapists aren't so much curing a past trauma or treating a mental issue; they're fulfilling an ongoing need that isn't being met elsewhere. I do think it can be harmful, because it's a confidant you're paying $300/hour to pretend to care about you. But perhaps it's better than the alternative.
- istjohn 1y ago
  I disagree. Most people will go through a time in their life where they could benefit from a therapist--maybe to cope with bullying in high school--perhaps to mentally and emotionally process a terminal illness or the loss of a spouse or child. And then some people will benefit from just having someone to talk to about the stresses of daily life. I don't think that means they have an inadequate social network or that it reflects poorly on modern society. We should be happy to live in a time where we have the resources and ability to proactively care for our mental health just as we do our teeth.
Sharlin 1y ago
I'm pretty sure that just about every single person could use a therapist. That is, an empathetic, non-judgemental Reasonable Authority Figure who you can talk to about anything without worrying about inconveniencing or overloading them, and who knows how to gently guide you towards healthy, productive thought patterns and away from unhealthy ones. People who truly don't need someone like that in their life are likely a small minority; much more common is, probably, to simply think that you don't.
istjohn 1y ago
You saying talk therapy just isn't for you is like me saying physical therapy just isn't for me. Well, I'm glad that everything is functioning well for you in that area, but it would be kind of silly for me to write off physical therapy because I haven't needed it yet. Talk therapy can help people with social anxiety or chronic depression, but it can also help people cope with major life changes like losing a loved one, losing a job, getting divorced, or even retiring. We all have difficult moments in our life.
Henchman21 1y ago
Reading this the next day, my takeaway is that while you may not have intended to “diss”, you sure as fuck did it anyway. You directly compared therapy to snake oil (palm reading). Then by implication determined that since you were average (and hence normal) no one else would need therapy unless they were, by implication abnormal. I don’t believe I have ever been so thoroughly insulted online ever. Well done.
- qwery 1y ago
  Thanks for posting, I was struggling to articulate more or less that. (I welcome the increased skepticism on display on this post, but there's skepticism and then there's ... that)

Henchman21 1y ago

Well, in my circles its an assumption you’re in therapy. Perhaps this says way more about the circles I’m in that anything else? I was pushed into therapy when I was 12 — which was definitely an exception at the time (1987). As the years have passed therapy has become much much more acceptable. It wouldn’t shock me to learn my own perception is shaped by my experiences; hard to put aside a PoV once acquired.

kergonath 1y ago
> Well, in my circles its an assumption you’re in therapy. Perhaps this says way more about the circles I’m in that anything else? This sounds like an old Woody Allen movie. I don’t want to offend you but it is fascinating. What kind of social circles is it? In mine, therapy is in general something you do when it’s obvious it’s too late and you are falling in the well of depression and that you try to hide as much as you can.
- Henchman21 1y ago
  To be fair my life feels like an old Woody Allen movie. Like I have definitely first hand experienced a rotary fan blowing a pile of cocaine in someone’s face!! My professional circle would be my coworkers at a well-known HFT, and my extended network that is very similar. Everyone is well compensated and many reach out for professional help to deal with the stress. Many also seem to vastly prefer a paid therapist to their spouse, for instance. I’m not married but I can understand not wanting to burden your loved ones! My personal circle is, well, a lot of technical people, engineers of various stripes, and what I guess I’d call a sort of “standard cast of characters” there? Not sure how best to put this into words? Honestly it sounds like we’re handling it better than your after-the-fact help! Perhaps you all need to simply start at the first warning sign not the first episode that becomes public?

automatoney 1y ago

A little strange to compare it to palm reading, I feel like a more apt comparison is some other random medical field like podiatry. I wouldn't expect my friends' podiatrist usage to come up, so I'm sure more of my friends than I know have been to one. And presumably, like with podiatry, all the people who need professional therapists are people who are experiencing issues in the relevant area.

kadushka 1y ago
To me a podiatrist is more comparable to a psychiatrist than to a therapist.

kergonath 1y ago

> I've never ever thought about needing a therapist. Most people don’t need a therapist. But unfortunately, most people need someone empathic they can talk to and who understands them. Modern life is very short on this sort of people, so therapists have to do.

kadushka 1y ago
For me this would be a spouse, a relative, an old friend, or even a stranger at a party.
- kergonath 1y ago
  No argument from me :)
kbelder 1y ago
I think this is it. Therapists aren't so much curing a past trauma or treating a mental issue; they're fulfilling an ongoing need that isn't being met elsewhere. I do think it can be harmful, because it's a confidant you're paying $300/hour to pretend to care about you. But perhaps it's better than the alternative.
istjohn 1y ago
I disagree. Most people will go through a time in their life where they could benefit from a therapist--maybe to cope with bullying in high school--perhaps to mentally and emotionally process a terminal illness or the loss of a spouse or child. And then some people will benefit from just having someone to talk to about the stresses of daily life. I don't think that means they have an inadequate social network or that it reflects poorly on modern society. We should be happy to live in a time where we have the resources and ability to proactively care for our mental health just as we do our teeth.

Sharlin 1y ago

I'm pretty sure that just about every single person could use a therapist. That is, an empathetic, non-judgemental Reasonable Authority Figure who you can talk to about anything without worrying about inconveniencing or overloading them, and who knows how to gently guide you towards healthy, productive thought patterns and away from unhealthy ones. People who truly don't need someone like that in their life are likely a small minority; much more common is, probably, to simply think that you don't.

istjohn 1y ago

You saying talk therapy just isn't for you is like me saying physical therapy just isn't for me. Well, I'm glad that everything is functioning well for you in that area, but it would be kind of silly for me to write off physical therapy because I haven't needed it yet. Talk therapy can help people with social anxiety or chronic depression, but it can also help people cope with major life changes like losing a loved one, losing a job, getting divorced, or even retiring. We all have difficult moments in our life.

Henchman21 1y ago

Reading this the next day, my takeaway is that while you may not have intended to “diss”, you sure as fuck did it anyway. You directly compared therapy to snake oil (palm reading). Then by implication determined that since you were average (and hence normal) no one else would need therapy unless they were, by implication abnormal. I don’t believe I have ever been so thoroughly insulted online ever. Well done.

qwery 1y ago
Thanks for posting, I was struggling to articulate more or less that. (I welcome the increased skepticism on display on this post, but there's skepticism and then there's ... that)