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Well, kinda. But these aren’t exactly symmetrical things. One of them displays an interest in the other person, and the other doesn’t. One of them provides a wa

Well, kinda. But these aren’t exactly symmetrical things. One of them displays an interest in the other person, and the other doesn’t. One of them provides a way for the conversation to continue, and the other doesn’t. It’s not the case that every form of interaction is equally fine, eg talking over someone constantly or not listening at all.

47282847 1y ago
You _think_ them asking questions is a way to show interest. Their way to express interest may be different and non-verbal. A lot of people ask questions but are not actually interested and only pretend to listen. You confuse your interpretation with their own intention. Only they can know their intention. There is no obvious “signal“ with agreed-upon meaning across different cultural backgrounds. I know people that grew up in environments where interrupting displays interest, and not interrupting is considered rude and signals disinterest. It is useful to make assumptions. But it’s important to discriminate between assumptions and facts.
- tene80i 1y ago
  You’re confusing social interactions with abstract interpretive exercises. In social life, what someone presents to another person, and how successfully they do it, matters. Not just intention. In this case, you’re defending just sitting silently and expecting the other party to keep asking you questions. It doesn’t matter if you want to show interest and are failing - social interactions don’t work that way. If you’re not doing your part, people get bored or confused. Like if I wanted to show I agreed with you by giving you a thumbs down. Or yawned even though I thought you were interesting, and didn’t explain it’s because I’m tired. Intentions matter, yes. But they’re not the only thing that matters. And what’s happened here is a failure to follow commonly held standards of social interaction in a given cultural context. If you’re saying you shouldn’t _blame_ the person not asking questions, then sure, I agree. It’s not necessarily their fault. But it’s still reasonable to find their behaviour lacking and go talk to someone else. (And yes, fair point about interruptions. More complex case, and can signal engagement. Depends how it’s done.)
  - 47282847 1y ago
    I see no disagreement; just a different focus. One is aimed at my own realm of influence, what can I do to make the best out of it, the other is more around the other person and what they may or may not experience.

47282847 1y ago

You _think_ them asking questions is a way to show interest. Their way to express interest may be different and non-verbal. A lot of people ask questions but are not actually interested and only pretend to listen. You confuse your interpretation with their own intention. Only they can know their intention. There is no obvious “signal“ with agreed-upon meaning across different cultural backgrounds. I know people that grew up in environments where interrupting displays interest, and not interrupting is considered rude and signals disinterest. It is useful to make assumptions. But it’s important to discriminate between assumptions and facts.

tene80i 1y ago
You’re confusing social interactions with abstract interpretive exercises. In social life, what someone presents to another person, and how successfully they do it, matters. Not just intention. In this case, you’re defending just sitting silently and expecting the other party to keep asking you questions. It doesn’t matter if you want to show interest and are failing - social interactions don’t work that way. If you’re not doing your part, people get bored or confused. Like if I wanted to show I agreed with you by giving you a thumbs down. Or yawned even though I thought you were interesting, and didn’t explain it’s because I’m tired. Intentions matter, yes. But they’re not the only thing that matters. And what’s happened here is a failure to follow commonly held standards of social interaction in a given cultural context. If you’re saying you shouldn’t _blame_ the person not asking questions, then sure, I agree. It’s not necessarily their fault. But it’s still reasonable to find their behaviour lacking and go talk to someone else. (And yes, fair point about interruptions. More complex case, and can signal engagement. Depends how it’s done.)
- 47282847 1y ago
  I see no disagreement; just a different focus. One is aimed at my own realm of influence, what can I do to make the best out of it, the other is more around the other person and what they may or may not experience.