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These don't represent real or Hollywood friendships at all. > - Completely perfect and devoid of all realities of life Friendships are relationships that stan
by closewith 2y ago
These don't represent real or Hollywood friendships at all.
> - Completely perfect and devoid of all realities of life
Friendships are relationships that stand the test of time and hardship. You work through problems, illnesses including mental health struggles, deaths, employment and money problems, family and relationship problems, legal problems, all sorts.
> - No jealousy, no competition, no negative feelings
There are obviously always mixed emotions, but generally you won't harbour serious ill will towards your friends. This is something you can work on, though, as jealousy and envy are personality traits that can be controlled. Healthy competition is a positive, though.
> - Timeless and immortal
Friendships change and sometimes have to be ended, even when you like the other person. I think this is quite common and almost a trope of Hollywood movies.
> - No effort involved
Short of family and maybe employment, friendships require the most work in life. This one is particularly baffling from a Hollywood perspective, as going a friend in need is like the all-time Hollywood trope.
> - Completely balanced and healthy for everybody at all times
Obviously this isn't true, but this isn't portrayed either. Flawed characters are the only compelling characters in Hollywood.
> - Able to talk about every topic
Again, changing the uncomfortable topic trope is an ultra-trope.
Your "realistic friendship" section fits acquaintances rather than friends.
>I think these unrealistic expectations undermine real-world friendships because they always fall short.
I think some self-reflection is in order here, as this is projection.
- zug_zug 2y agoI don't know, that seems like a rather defensive response to me. Perhaps self-reflection is in order. Is the idea that friendship might be transactional too scary a thought to consider head on? Here's some science on the topic that is food for thought: https://www.thecut.com/2016/05/half-of-your-friends-probably-dont-think-of-you-as-a-friend.html https://www.thecut.com/2016/05/half-of-your-friends-probably...
- closewith 2y ago> Is the idea that friendship might be transactional too scary a thought to consider head on? Rather than be defensive, it was designed to shock you out of your current thought patterns on friendship, because they are almost delusional. Neither movie idealised friends nor real-life friendships have any of the characteristics you describe, and that is distorting your view of the world. Pretending real friendship is a Hollywood myth is self-selecting yourself out of one of the most rewarding aspects of life. Don't do it to yourself. > The study authors gave a survey to 84 college students in the same class, Come on, time to get offline and go make some friends.
- zug_zug 2y ago> Come on, time to get offline and go make some friends. Oof, I really struck a nerve huh? I'm sure you're smart enough to know you shouldn't try to hurt people's feelings just because they believe and idea that you don't believe.
- closewith 2y ago> Oof, I really struck a nerve huh? No, you're misreading the tone here. It's more gentle paternal nudging. Don't let confirmation bias mislead you into a lonely life, especially not based on a study on somecollege students. I know it's more comforting to believe real friendships exist only in fiction rather than admit you haven't experienced it, but in the long run, this belief only hurts you.
- Der_Einzige 2y agoPaternalism in all of its forms is bad on face. You clearly got triggered hard by these comments.
- closewith 2y agoI suspect this may be projection. Based on your comments, maybe some paternal advice wouldn't go astray.
- dripdry45 2y agoI liked the answers from both of you. I can see both sides. At the end of the day though? Yeah, maybe just a good reminder for us all to get outside and meet people.
- christianqchung 2y agoThe comment you replied to isn't about whether friendships are transactional. They detailed a long list of ways that your theoretical and "realistic" friendships are bad and unrealistic definitions. If you didn't have friends closer to your first definition in most ways than your second, you haven't had a close friend, which isn't something to be shamed over but is something to consider.