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> actually hate me and talk shit about me whenever I'm not around. This happens virtually everywhere. It is extremely rampant. I have yet to find a place where

> actually hate me and talk shit about me whenever I'm not around. This happens virtually everywhere. It is extremely rampant. I have yet to find a place where there are humans and it does not happen, excl. friend circles.

noduerme 2y ago
Yeh, I know. It's a kinda sad fact about humans. You can handle it a few ways. The most tempting and easiest is to compete on the same level, sniping at other people. More difficult but similar is to take it a step further and be the biggest guy at the pub, deal some drugs, fuck more girls, act like a friend and then talk shit. Every bar has one... it's just a method. They learned it from the internet, or possibly from being abused as a child. My method in all cases, everywhere, is to be extremely honest and see what comes out of people. What I find respectable is someone who tells you honestly what they think, even if they're not your friend. The people who tell you the unfiltered truth as they see it. Those are the good humans. Making other people reveal themselves, so you know what you're dealing with. That's actually understanding the world.
- johnisgood 2y ago
  I am mostly just a listener, and at times a mediator. It worked well for me in cases where I was liked by most. Sadly it does not work well even when it comes to family, they talk shit about me behind my back to people and so forth. > What I find respectable is someone who tells you honestly what they think Agreed.
  - noduerme 2y ago
    I think. Hear me out. To be a good mediator is also to be brutally honest with everyone. And your takeaway isn't them liking you. If either side liked you, you'd be a shit mediator. lol The good news is they'll respect you for something they can't get anywhere else.
    - johnisgood 2y ago
      I try to keep quiet when they trashtalk each other. :D
ljm 2y ago
Friend circles can be just as bad at excluding or ostracising others in the group for the pettiest of reasons. There’s always going to be a shot caller or instigator behind it and everyone else who is weak willed will get on board with it.
- alabastervlog 2y ago
  Had a long-time friend group explode last year over this. Years of behind-their-backs shit-stirring lies by a couple members of the group finally got figured out and called out, publicly, which lit the fuse. Exact same behavior that was called out was immediately employed to try to spin that and get these people's "enemies" pushed out of the group, which was the bomb going off. About half the group survived with some scarring, the rest just shattered. Toxic people gonna toxic. > There’s always going to be a shot caller or instigator behind it and everyone else who is weak willed will get on board with it. Yeah, a major factor was lots of people putting up with some real bullshit for years to try to keep the peace. That, and the ones who did try to do something about it approached the problem-people one-on-one, which just led to them being lied to ("oh no, there's no problem between us") and then smeared even harder to others, and marginalized, having no idea why any of it was happening.
  - johnisgood 2y ago
    That sounds extremely toxic. I would not even consider such people friends to begin with.
    - 3np 2y ago
      I think it's a mistake beliving you can judge each persons character accurately from the beginning when entering a new social context.
      - johnisgood 2y ago
        I agree, although I had luck with that in my life. I know who my real friends are. I do not have many, but I feel blessed with the friends I have.

noduerme 2y ago

Yeh, I know. It's a kinda sad fact about humans. You can handle it a few ways. The most tempting and easiest is to compete on the same level, sniping at other people. More difficult but similar is to take it a step further and be the biggest guy at the pub, deal some drugs, fuck more girls, act like a friend and then talk shit. Every bar has one... it's just a method. They learned it from the internet, or possibly from being abused as a child. My method in all cases, everywhere, is to be extremely honest and see what comes out of people. What I find respectable is someone who tells you honestly what they think, even if they're not your friend. The people who tell you the unfiltered truth as they see it. Those are the good humans. Making other people reveal themselves, so you know what you're dealing with. That's actually understanding the world.

johnisgood 2y ago
I am mostly just a listener, and at times a mediator. It worked well for me in cases where I was liked by most. Sadly it does not work well even when it comes to family, they talk shit about me behind my back to people and so forth. > What I find respectable is someone who tells you honestly what they think Agreed.
- noduerme 2y ago
  I think. Hear me out. To be a good mediator is also to be brutally honest with everyone. And your takeaway isn't them liking you. If either side liked you, you'd be a shit mediator. lol The good news is they'll respect you for something they can't get anywhere else.
  - johnisgood 2y ago
    I try to keep quiet when they trashtalk each other. :D

ljm 2y ago

Friend circles can be just as bad at excluding or ostracising others in the group for the pettiest of reasons. There’s always going to be a shot caller or instigator behind it and everyone else who is weak willed will get on board with it.

alabastervlog 2y ago
Had a long-time friend group explode last year over this. Years of behind-their-backs shit-stirring lies by a couple members of the group finally got figured out and called out, publicly, which lit the fuse. Exact same behavior that was called out was immediately employed to try to spin that and get these people's "enemies" pushed out of the group, which was the bomb going off. About half the group survived with some scarring, the rest just shattered. Toxic people gonna toxic. > There’s always going to be a shot caller or instigator behind it and everyone else who is weak willed will get on board with it. Yeah, a major factor was lots of people putting up with some real bullshit for years to try to keep the peace. That, and the ones who did try to do something about it approached the problem-people one-on-one, which just led to them being lied to ("oh no, there's no problem between us") and then smeared even harder to others, and marginalized, having no idea why any of it was happening.
- johnisgood 2y ago
  That sounds extremely toxic. I would not even consider such people friends to begin with.
  - 3np 2y ago
    I think it's a mistake beliving you can judge each persons character accurately from the beginning when entering a new social context.
    - johnisgood 2y ago
      I agree, although I had luck with that in my life. I know who my real friends are. I do not have many, but I feel blessed with the friends I have.