5 ms·

For me the things on the list are not what would expand my comfort zone - because they're things that are outside of normal routine, and therefore are just "cra

For me the things on the list are not what would expand my comfort zone - because they're things that are outside of normal routine, and therefore are just "crazy adventures" - which I love to do. More scary for me are the mundane things - like sending back food I'm not happy with, asking for a raise, or trying to speak my embarrassing version of the local language. It's funny that to think you could be far more at ease lost and hungry in a strange land than asking for a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant.

nakkiel 14y ago
Having witnessed it personally, being lost and hungry in a strange land involves mundane things. Think ordering food, trying to get your English understood, etc. I've seen people getting paralyzed in that sort of situations.
- riffraff 14y ago
  I dare to interpret grandparent's spirit: the difference is not between "mundane" and "extraordinary" in the action per se, but in the context. So, if you actually _live_ in a country where they speak $NOT_YOUR_LANGUAGE, trying to order food is a daily thing that would(?) expand your comfort zone. If you are just passing by in a random country it's just a funny story ("remember that time we had to ask for food in $NOT_YOUR_LANGUAGE?!"). Of course, passing by a random country may be the norm for you :) In a way, it's like saying: you need to be confident to pick up, and it's something you can learn by trying over and over again. On the other hand, you can also try a lot of approaches while drunk (= not normal/daily state), and the next morning you'll not feel much more confident.
- vidarh 14y ago
  I think it differs greatly from person to person what categories of things that affects you, though. I'm like GP in that there are many mundane thing that are far more outside my comfort zone than "extraordinary things". E.g. starting a social conversation with a stranger for any reason takes a lot for me. I also don't like making phone calls, and will invent excuses to myself to avoid doing them if I'm not careful. I'm aware of most of the things I try to avoid, and so keep it in check through conscious effort, but it's something I have to constantly work at. But ordering food in a strange country without knowing the language, for example? That's fun I went to Beijing a few years back, and one night our hosts didn't have time to entertain we asked at our hotel for a restaurant recommendation. They tried sending us to a downtown tourist trap, but we refused and asked for something local. After much arguing (they did not like the idea of sending us walking down the road when we did not speak nor read Mandarin), we got a piece of paper with a carefully written name of a local restaurant that should be easy to find, and walked down the road holding it up to compare it to signs. Nobody there spoke a word of English, and my Mandarin was limited to about 10 words from a phrase book, but we pointed and gesticulated and got a fantastic meal without any problem. Like GP, to me if something falls in the "crazy (or not so crazy) adventure" category, it pretty much automatically overcomes my inhibitions. For example, I went to France on an exchange while at school and had no problems walking up to total strangers to ask for help in halting French, while at home I'd have worked hard to avoid having to ask anyone for help. I wish I knew how to trigger this change at will.
  - capisce 14y ago
    This resonates with me as well, why am I so much more outgoing and fearless in strange situations than when I'm back in known surroundings? Strange.
    - ema 14y ago
      It is less embarrassing to fail in a strange situation than in known surroundings.
    - manaskarekar 14y ago
      Think of 'reasonably anonymous' accounts on forums you post on. Are you more cautious with your words when you have your name attached to the post?
phreeza 14y ago
Same here. Rejection therapy seems to deal with that kind of thing a lot. I enjoyed some of the posts here: http://rejection.posterous.com/ http://rejection.posterous.com/
- ek 14y ago
  Interesting that she notes that it seems harder for her as a woman to participate in rejection therapy -- indeed, gender roles are still so ingrained for many people. You could probably experience success as a male by simply asking women for their phone numbers every day until one refused you, but this approach would likely be more difficult for a woman to pull off.
  - phreeza 14y ago
    I think the "official" rules for rejection therapy explicitly exclude hitting on women, if I recall correctly.
    - flyinRyan 14y ago
      That's odd since this is the exact reason many men need rejection therapy in the first place; to learn to better deal with the realities of dating.
      - Evbn 14y ago
        But it's obnoxious to drag an innocent bystander into your mind games.

nakkiel 14y ago

Having witnessed it personally, being lost and hungry in a strange land involves mundane things. Think ordering food, trying to get your English understood, etc. I've seen people getting paralyzed in that sort of situations.

riffraff 14y ago
I dare to interpret grandparent's spirit: the difference is not between "mundane" and "extraordinary" in the action per se, but in the context. So, if you actually _live_ in a country where they speak $NOT_YOUR_LANGUAGE, trying to order food is a daily thing that would(?) expand your comfort zone. If you are just passing by in a random country it's just a funny story ("remember that time we had to ask for food in $NOT_YOUR_LANGUAGE?!"). Of course, passing by a random country may be the norm for you :) In a way, it's like saying: you need to be confident to pick up, and it's something you can learn by trying over and over again. On the other hand, you can also try a lot of approaches while drunk (= not normal/daily state), and the next morning you'll not feel much more confident.
vidarh 14y ago
I think it differs greatly from person to person what categories of things that affects you, though. I'm like GP in that there are many mundane thing that are far more outside my comfort zone than "extraordinary things". E.g. starting a social conversation with a stranger for any reason takes a lot for me. I also don't like making phone calls, and will invent excuses to myself to avoid doing them if I'm not careful. I'm aware of most of the things I try to avoid, and so keep it in check through conscious effort, but it's something I have to constantly work at. But ordering food in a strange country without knowing the language, for example? That's fun I went to Beijing a few years back, and one night our hosts didn't have time to entertain we asked at our hotel for a restaurant recommendation. They tried sending us to a downtown tourist trap, but we refused and asked for something local. After much arguing (they did not like the idea of sending us walking down the road when we did not speak nor read Mandarin), we got a piece of paper with a carefully written name of a local restaurant that should be easy to find, and walked down the road holding it up to compare it to signs. Nobody there spoke a word of English, and my Mandarin was limited to about 10 words from a phrase book, but we pointed and gesticulated and got a fantastic meal without any problem. Like GP, to me if something falls in the "crazy (or not so crazy) adventure" category, it pretty much automatically overcomes my inhibitions. For example, I went to France on an exchange while at school and had no problems walking up to total strangers to ask for help in halting French, while at home I'd have worked hard to avoid having to ask anyone for help. I wish I knew how to trigger this change at will.
- capisce 14y ago
  This resonates with me as well, why am I so much more outgoing and fearless in strange situations than when I'm back in known surroundings? Strange.
  - ema 14y ago
    It is less embarrassing to fail in a strange situation than in known surroundings.
  - manaskarekar 14y ago
    Think of 'reasonably anonymous' accounts on forums you post on. Are you more cautious with your words when you have your name attached to the post?

phreeza 14y ago

Same here. Rejection therapy seems to deal with that kind of thing a lot. I enjoyed some of the posts here: http://rejection.posterous.com/ http://rejection.posterous.com/

ek 14y ago
Interesting that she notes that it seems harder for her as a woman to participate in rejection therapy -- indeed, gender roles are still so ingrained for many people. You could probably experience success as a male by simply asking women for their phone numbers every day until one refused you, but this approach would likely be more difficult for a woman to pull off.
- phreeza 14y ago
  I think the "official" rules for rejection therapy explicitly exclude hitting on women, if I recall correctly.
  - flyinRyan 14y ago
    That's odd since this is the exact reason many men need rejection therapy in the first place; to learn to better deal with the realities of dating.
    - Evbn 14y ago
      But it's obnoxious to drag an innocent bystander into your mind games.