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So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more you

So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more your fault than it is the attendants, but we can still treat each other with care.

lupusreal 2y ago
I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.
- mordnis 2y ago
  Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.
Scarblac 2y ago
Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.
- nindalf 2y ago
  I read HN for absolutely wild comments like this one. To be clear, I think you’re being completely honest here. It’s just fascinating seeing someone with such an unusual thought process.
  - justonceokay 2y ago
    GP here, same for me. This whole comment section is FUBAR.
    - rhines 2y ago
      Personally I see the "validation" as not so much trying to validate the person's feelings, but rather establishing that I understand and agree with their goals. Otherwise any disagreement with them comes across as hostility and they're unlikely to listen. Though if I see no common ground then I won't agree with them just to placate them, it has to be genuine.
  - Scarblac 2y ago
    Tbf I am Dutch, and also drunk. But yeah, if I lost the ticket I'd assume I was going to have to pay the full rate, period. I'd try to speak to someone because who knows, but that's all. And there's someone on the other side who is just like me but with a shitty job, and they get to tell me I have to pay full rate. I don't really care how polite they go about it.
    - theonething 2y ago
      > don't really care how polite they go about it. Does that apply to everybody or just customer service people? How about your coworker, boss, teacher, spouse, children, parents? Say you make a mistake and they correct you by saying "Not like that, you fuckhead". That's no different to you than "Oh, oops, I think it's this way."? Even a customer service person, if they correct you the first way, you don't mind?
      - Scarblac 2y ago
        A minimum wage worker (probably the other side of the ticket machine call) gets a lot of leeway, a well paid manager needs to do better. I don't care that much about phrasing, not as much as others do.
    - dalmo3 2y ago
- SuperNinKenDo 2y ago
  This is, generally, the sanest opinion and feelings one can have about the matter.
- socksy 2y ago
  Are you perhaps German or Dutch or similar? This seems like a cultural difference (and part of the reason why foreigners always seem to rate such places as rude). I can easily see a parking attendant here in Berlin saying such a thing unironically (or even with a negative meaning!)
mystified5016 2y ago
I think it's a pretty immature and childish thing to get upset at the attendant in any case. Unacceptable behavior from adults, honestly. They're doing their job same as I would in their place. Nothing either of us can do, and they really have no involvement in the first place. Blaming the attendant is what you'd do if you weren't emotionally mature enough to accept your own mistakes.
- dwaltrip 2y ago
  There’s a difference between blaming them and being a little annoyed at their callous, semi-aggressive response. No one likes being called stupid. It’s unpleasant and completely unnecessary. I try to not spend time with people like that.
- akoboldfrying 2y ago
  No one is blaming the attendant. People are reacting (or not, as some claim) to their attitude. The side issue of blame can be taken out with a different example: You stub your toe. A person sees. Suppose that they either wince in sympathy, or laugh derisively. Do you feel the same about that person either way? For avoidance of doubt: Are there any situations in which your future behaviour towards them would depend on which of these 2 reactions they gave?
mordnis 2y ago
I'm saying I cannot imagine such a situation. But lets say I didn't know the rules and I came to the attendant asking what to do because I lost a ticket. I would prefer just "You have to pay for the whole day", but if I had to choose between a rude attendant and an overly friendly attendant, I cannot say I have a preference. The first one is lashing out at me unnecessarily (maybe not so actually if the information is clearly available without asking him), the second one is trying to empathize with me even though I just want to solve my problem.

lupusreal 2y ago

I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.

mordnis 2y ago
Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.

Scarblac 2y ago

Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.

nindalf 2y ago
I read HN for absolutely wild comments like this one. To be clear, I think you’re being completely honest here. It’s just fascinating seeing someone with such an unusual thought process.
- justonceokay 2y ago
  GP here, same for me. This whole comment section is FUBAR.
  - rhines 2y ago
    Personally I see the "validation" as not so much trying to validate the person's feelings, but rather establishing that I understand and agree with their goals. Otherwise any disagreement with them comes across as hostility and they're unlikely to listen. Though if I see no common ground then I won't agree with them just to placate them, it has to be genuine.
- Scarblac 2y ago
  Tbf I am Dutch, and also drunk. But yeah, if I lost the ticket I'd assume I was going to have to pay the full rate, period. I'd try to speak to someone because who knows, but that's all. And there's someone on the other side who is just like me but with a shitty job, and they get to tell me I have to pay full rate. I don't really care how polite they go about it.
  - theonething 2y ago
    > don't really care how polite they go about it. Does that apply to everybody or just customer service people? How about your coworker, boss, teacher, spouse, children, parents? Say you make a mistake and they correct you by saying "Not like that, you fuckhead". That's no different to you than "Oh, oops, I think it's this way."? Even a customer service person, if they correct you the first way, you don't mind?
    - Scarblac 2y ago
      A minimum wage worker (probably the other side of the ticket machine call) gets a lot of leeway, a well paid manager needs to do better. I don't care that much about phrasing, not as much as others do.
  - dalmo3 2y ago
SuperNinKenDo 2y ago
This is, generally, the sanest opinion and feelings one can have about the matter.
socksy 2y ago
Are you perhaps German or Dutch or similar? This seems like a cultural difference (and part of the reason why foreigners always seem to rate such places as rude). I can easily see a parking attendant here in Berlin saying such a thing unironically (or even with a negative meaning!)

mystified5016 2y ago

I think it's a pretty immature and childish thing to get upset at the attendant in any case. Unacceptable behavior from adults, honestly. They're doing their job same as I would in their place. Nothing either of us can do, and they really have no involvement in the first place. Blaming the attendant is what you'd do if you weren't emotionally mature enough to accept your own mistakes.

dwaltrip 2y ago
There’s a difference between blaming them and being a little annoyed at their callous, semi-aggressive response. No one likes being called stupid. It’s unpleasant and completely unnecessary. I try to not spend time with people like that.
akoboldfrying 2y ago
No one is blaming the attendant. People are reacting (or not, as some claim) to their attitude. The side issue of blame can be taken out with a different example: You stub your toe. A person sees. Suppose that they either wince in sympathy, or laugh derisively. Do you feel the same about that person either way? For avoidance of doubt: Are there any situations in which your future behaviour towards them would depend on which of these 2 reactions they gave?

mordnis 2y ago

I'm saying I cannot imagine such a situation. But lets say I didn't know the rules and I came to the attendant asking what to do because I lost a ticket. I would prefer just "You have to pay for the whole day", but if I had to choose between a rude attendant and an overly friendly attendant, I cannot say I have a preference. The first one is lashing out at me unnecessarily (maybe not so actually if the information is clearly available without asking him), the second one is trying to empathize with me even though I just want to solve my problem.