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Can you give a different example? I also am of the opinion that I do not care for validation. The problem with the example you gave is that I just wouldn't whin

Can you give a different example? I also am of the opinion that I do not care for validation. The problem with the example you gave is that I just wouldn't whine about the ticket because it was my mistake.

justonceokay 1y ago
So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more your fault than it is the attendants, but we can still treat each other with care.
- lupusreal 1y ago
  I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.
  - mordnis 1y ago
    Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.
- Scarblac 1y ago
  Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.
  - nindalf 1y ago
    I read HN for absolutely wild comments like this one. To be clear, I think you’re being completely honest here. It’s just fascinating seeing someone with such an unusual thought process.
    - justonceokay 1y ago
      GP here, same for me. This whole comment section is FUBAR.
      - rhines 1y ago
        Personally I see the "validation" as not so much trying to validate the person's feelings, but rather establishing that I understand and agree with their goals. Otherwise any disagreement with them comes across as hostility and they're unlikely to listen. Though if I see no common ground then I won't agree with them just to placate them, it has to be genuine.
    - Scarblac 1y ago
      Tbf I am Dutch, and also drunk. But yeah, if I lost the ticket I'd assume I was going to have to pay the full rate, period. I'd try to speak to someone because who knows, but that's all. And there's someone on the other side who is just like me but with a shitty job, and they get to tell me I have to pay full rate. I don't really care how polite they go about it.
      - theonething 1y ago
        > don't really care how polite they go about it. Does that apply to everybody or just customer service people? How about your coworker, boss, teacher, spouse, children, parents? Say you make a mistake and they correct you by saying "Not like that, you fuckhead". That's no different to you than "Oh, oops, I think it's this way."? Even a customer service person, if they correct you the first way, you don't mind?
        1y ago
- mystified5016 1y ago
  I think it's a pretty immature and childish thing to get upset at the attendant in any case. Unacceptable behavior from adults, honestly. They're doing their job same as I would in their place. Nothing either of us can do, and they really have no involvement in the first place. Blaming the attendant is what you'd do if you weren't emotionally mature enough to accept your own mistakes.
  - dwaltrip 1y ago
    There’s a difference between blaming them and being a little annoyed at their callous, semi-aggressive response. No one likes being called stupid. It’s unpleasant and completely unnecessary. I try to not spend time with people like that.
  - akoboldfrying 1y ago
    No one is blaming the attendant. People are reacting (or not, as some claim) to their attitude. The side issue of blame can be taken out with a different example: You stub your toe. A person sees. Suppose that they either wince in sympathy, or laugh derisively. Do you feel the same about that person either way? For avoidance of doubt: Are there any situations in which your future behaviour towards them would depend on which of these 2 reactions they gave?
- mordnis 1y ago
  I'm saying I cannot imagine such a situation. But lets say I didn't know the rules and I came to the attendant asking what to do because I lost a ticket. I would prefer just "You have to pay for the whole day", but if I had to choose between a rude attendant and an overly friendly attendant, I cannot say I have a preference. The first one is lashing out at me unnecessarily (maybe not so actually if the information is clearly available without asking him), the second one is trying to empathize with me even though I just want to solve my problem.
theonething 1y ago
you make a mistake at work and boss says "You did x and fucked up the server.Don't do that again you dumbfuck" vs "Shit happens. Make x a learning experience."

justonceokay 1y ago

So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more your fault than it is the attendants, but we can still treat each other with care.

lupusreal 1y ago
I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.
- mordnis 1y ago
  Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.
Scarblac 1y ago
Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.
- nindalf 1y ago
  I read HN for absolutely wild comments like this one. To be clear, I think you’re being completely honest here. It’s just fascinating seeing someone with such an unusual thought process.
  - justonceokay 1y ago
    GP here, same for me. This whole comment section is FUBAR.
    - rhines 1y ago
      Personally I see the "validation" as not so much trying to validate the person's feelings, but rather establishing that I understand and agree with their goals. Otherwise any disagreement with them comes across as hostility and they're unlikely to listen. Though if I see no common ground then I won't agree with them just to placate them, it has to be genuine.
  - Scarblac 1y ago
    Tbf I am Dutch, and also drunk. But yeah, if I lost the ticket I'd assume I was going to have to pay the full rate, period. I'd try to speak to someone because who knows, but that's all. And there's someone on the other side who is just like me but with a shitty job, and they get to tell me I have to pay full rate. I don't really care how polite they go about it.
    - theonething 1y ago
      > don't really care how polite they go about it. Does that apply to everybody or just customer service people? How about your coworker, boss, teacher, spouse, children, parents? Say you make a mistake and they correct you by saying "Not like that, you fuckhead". That's no different to you than "Oh, oops, I think it's this way."? Even a customer service person, if they correct you the first way, you don't mind?
      - 1y ago
mystified5016 1y ago
I think it's a pretty immature and childish thing to get upset at the attendant in any case. Unacceptable behavior from adults, honestly. They're doing their job same as I would in their place. Nothing either of us can do, and they really have no involvement in the first place. Blaming the attendant is what you'd do if you weren't emotionally mature enough to accept your own mistakes.
- dwaltrip 1y ago
  There’s a difference between blaming them and being a little annoyed at their callous, semi-aggressive response. No one likes being called stupid. It’s unpleasant and completely unnecessary. I try to not spend time with people like that.
- akoboldfrying 1y ago
  No one is blaming the attendant. People are reacting (or not, as some claim) to their attitude. The side issue of blame can be taken out with a different example: You stub your toe. A person sees. Suppose that they either wince in sympathy, or laugh derisively. Do you feel the same about that person either way? For avoidance of doubt: Are there any situations in which your future behaviour towards them would depend on which of these 2 reactions they gave?
mordnis 1y ago
I'm saying I cannot imagine such a situation. But lets say I didn't know the rules and I came to the attendant asking what to do because I lost a ticket. I would prefer just "You have to pay for the whole day", but if I had to choose between a rude attendant and an overly friendly attendant, I cannot say I have a preference. The first one is lashing out at me unnecessarily (maybe not so actually if the information is clearly available without asking him), the second one is trying to empathize with me even though I just want to solve my problem.

theonething 1y ago

you make a mistake at work and boss says "You did x and fucked up the server.Don't do that again you dumbfuck" vs "Shit happens. Make x a learning experience."