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>Personally speaking, I've never cared whether someone "validates" my emotions (and I often view such attempts as a bit patronizing or insincere). There's a pro

>Personally speaking, I've never cared whether someone "validates" my emotions (and I often view such attempts as a bit patronizing or insincere). There's a problem to be solved, so let's attempt to solve it or at least compromise in good faith. The resolution to the problem is the most likely way to elicit positive emotions from me anyway. I assume ads don't work on you either, right? You buy purely based on a logical calculus of requirements and whether a product is fit-for-purpose. I assume the obverse must also be true; if they invalidate your emotions it doesn't affect you either? Imagine you lose your parking receipt and have to pay for the whole day. An attendant that says: "You were stupid for losing your ticket. It says in 1-ft letters at the entrance 'lost tickets pay full day.' We don't make exceptions for people that can't keep track of their stuff." vs "Damn dude, that sucks. You're not the only one today -- previous woman had her wallet stolen as well. Sorry I can't help, boss doesn't let me make exceptions" Of course people validate other's emotions. You are affected by it. You only notice when someone does it poorly. Your perception of whether an exchange in which you had to compromise went well or not is highly colored by the attitude and "fluff" that the other person presented.

andrei_says_ 1y ago
Funny thing is, the detection of any preference, for anything, is a readout of an emotional response. People with brain injuries impacting emotional centers are unable to make any kind of choice and therefore don’t know what to calculate for. https://youtu.be/T46bSyh0xc0?si=pX04LLKwMQuMtnH_ https://youtu.be/T46bSyh0xc0?si=pX04LLKwMQuMtnH_ Mentioned at about 90seconds in of this lecture by George Lakoff.
- anonymars 1y ago
  I like to say that emotions are, roughly, the fitness function of our non-machine learning
  - Avicebron 1y ago
    Did Hacker News rediscover empathy?
jajko 1y ago
Ads work on you? A serious question. They ellicit so much immediate mental resistance on my side (coupled with ads-free life mostly via Firefox & ublock origin that propagates way beyond just blocks of static ads, ie no youtube ads at all) that any of those rare times I experience them, I add some small amount of hate towards given brand & product. Somehow, brands that invest heavily in pushy ads tend not to be my main focus anyway so google et al just keep missing badly with me. Something about preserving moral integrity, not subject to external manipulation etc. Subtle but powerful aspects of existence
- Tryk 1y ago
  Tell me 5 cars brands on the top of your head.
  - CBarkleyU 1y ago
    Volkswagen, Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Ford
  - deleted 1y ago
    [deleted]
  - dpig_ 1y ago
    In a restaurant with no menu, name a soda you'd ask for.
    - alganet 1y ago
      Soda. https://www.imigrantesbebidas.com.br/bebida/images/products/full/1887-refrigerante-soda-limonada-antarctica-2l.jpg https://www.imigrantesbebidas.com.br/bebida/images/products/...
    - syradar 1y ago
      Since the whole Trump thing: Cuba Cola Zero, Champis Zero, Trocadero Zero, Mino Limonata
    - frankvdwaal 1y ago
mordnis 1y ago
Can you give a different example? I also am of the opinion that I do not care for validation. The problem with the example you gave is that I just wouldn't whine about the ticket because it was my mistake.
- justonceokay 1y ago
  So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more your fault than it is the attendants, but we can still treat each other with care.
  - lupusreal 1y ago
    I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.
    - mordnis 1y ago
      Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.
  - Scarblac 1y ago
    Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.
methyl 1y ago
I’d honestly prefer the first option
archsurface 1y ago
Terrible examples. Not validating emotions is obviously different from insulting.
analog31 1y ago
Perhaps our brain is using our experiences to build a mental model for predicting someone's behavior in the future, and our emotions are a feedback channel for that model. Depending on the society you live in, getting some relief for losing a parking ticket, or screwing up at work, is completely within the realm of possibility, and we're "training" ourselves to detect situations where it might be beneficial. The parking lot example would seem extreme in my locale, but not unthinkable in some places, especially if a bribe were a possible alternative. And I'll probably never see the attendant again, but I'd certainly expect to see my boss again, and to refine my model of their behavior.
SuperNinKenDo 1y ago
I agree with your overall point, but funnily enough, I kind of feel like both responses would piss me off a little in most cases. People delivering the second response often can't help projecting the fact that they really don't give two damns, and they often have an impatience that betrays that they're just trying to get you to shut up, so the whole thing feels fake in addition to being unhelpful. Would probably still prefer it to someone saying I was an idiot, but I'm not even entirely certain of that
tasuki 1y ago
> I assume ads don't work on you either, right? My parents often proudly announce ads don't work on them. You see, it works on other people, yes, not on us. What is going on?

andrei_says_ 1y ago

Funny thing is, the detection of any preference, for anything, is a readout of an emotional response. People with brain injuries impacting emotional centers are unable to make any kind of choice and therefore don’t know what to calculate for. https://youtu.be/T46bSyh0xc0?si=pX04LLKwMQuMtnH_ https://youtu.be/T46bSyh0xc0?si=pX04LLKwMQuMtnH_ Mentioned at about 90seconds in of this lecture by George Lakoff.

anonymars 1y ago
I like to say that emotions are, roughly, the fitness function of our non-machine learning
- Avicebron 1y ago
  Did Hacker News rediscover empathy?

jajko 1y ago

Ads work on you? A serious question. They ellicit so much immediate mental resistance on my side (coupled with ads-free life mostly via Firefox & ublock origin that propagates way beyond just blocks of static ads, ie no youtube ads at all) that any of those rare times I experience them, I add some small amount of hate towards given brand & product. Somehow, brands that invest heavily in pushy ads tend not to be my main focus anyway so google et al just keep missing badly with me. Something about preserving moral integrity, not subject to external manipulation etc. Subtle but powerful aspects of existence

Tryk 1y ago
Tell me 5 cars brands on the top of your head.
- CBarkleyU 1y ago
  Volkswagen, Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Ford
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
- dpig_ 1y ago
  In a restaurant with no menu, name a soda you'd ask for.
  - alganet 1y ago
    Soda. https://www.imigrantesbebidas.com.br/bebida/images/products/full/1887-refrigerante-soda-limonada-antarctica-2l.jpg https://www.imigrantesbebidas.com.br/bebida/images/products/...
  - syradar 1y ago
    Since the whole Trump thing: Cuba Cola Zero, Champis Zero, Trocadero Zero, Mino Limonata
  - frankvdwaal 1y ago

mordnis 1y ago

Can you give a different example? I also am of the opinion that I do not care for validation. The problem with the example you gave is that I just wouldn't whine about the ticket because it was my mistake.

justonceokay 1y ago
So you’re saying that you would have exactly the same opinion of the parking attendant whether they said the first or the second option? Of course it’s more your fault than it is the attendants, but we can still treat each other with care.
- lupusreal 1y ago
  I wouldn't be asking for an exception in the first place. Not in that circumstance or anything even remotely like it. Dead serious. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to sweet talk exceptions out of people, and it usually worked, but I found this behavior to be morally reprehensible and not being this sort of person became a central pillar of my personality. I have similarly grown cold and indifferent to anybody who tries it on me. Some people in this thread seem to believe that all people are alike and all respond in the same way to corporate propaganda, false pleasantries, etc. This isn't the case. You're looking at a forest but have lost sight of the trees.
  - mordnis 1y ago
    Exactly what I was trying to say. The example just doesn't click with me, because I would not put myself in such a situation. And if I did for some reason I actually think the rude response would be more appropriate, it might make me think about my irresponsible behavior and/or dirty manipulation I tried on the attendant.
- Scarblac 1y ago
  Why would I have an opinion of the parking attendant at all? They're a a cog in the machine. If I thought about their phrasing at all, I'd assume they had a bad night, or not. Anyway I lost the ticket, it's my problem.

methyl 1y ago

I’d honestly prefer the first option

archsurface 1y ago

Terrible examples. Not validating emotions is obviously different from insulting.

analog31 1y ago

Perhaps our brain is using our experiences to build a mental model for predicting someone's behavior in the future, and our emotions are a feedback channel for that model. Depending on the society you live in, getting some relief for losing a parking ticket, or screwing up at work, is completely within the realm of possibility, and we're "training" ourselves to detect situations where it might be beneficial. The parking lot example would seem extreme in my locale, but not unthinkable in some places, especially if a bribe were a possible alternative. And I'll probably never see the attendant again, but I'd certainly expect to see my boss again, and to refine my model of their behavior.

SuperNinKenDo 1y ago

I agree with your overall point, but funnily enough, I kind of feel like both responses would piss me off a little in most cases. People delivering the second response often can't help projecting the fact that they really don't give two damns, and they often have an impatience that betrays that they're just trying to get you to shut up, so the whole thing feels fake in addition to being unhelpful. Would probably still prefer it to someone saying I was an idiot, but I'm not even entirely certain of that

tasuki 1y ago

> I assume ads don't work on you either, right? My parents often proudly announce ads don't work on them. You see, it works on other people, yes, not on us. What is going on?