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The first thing I do when interacting with someone who is providing me a service is ask them how their day is going. Why? Because no one does this (I'm in Londo

The first thing I do when interacting with someone who is providing me a service is ask them how their day is going. Why? Because no one does this (I'm in London), more often than not it really makes a positive difference to this persons day, i.e. they are genuinely shocked that someone gives a shit (I do by the way) and it doesn't cost me a single thing to do. I think it's something everyone should do.

ema 14y ago
>I think it's something everyone should do. Nah, i don't think so, because most people (me included) wouldn't actually care and then it would devolve into meaningless politeness. I prefer that only the people (like you) who actually care signal that they care.
- pm90 14y ago
  I think he meant that everyone should care, not just that everyone should say the words. I guess its really up to you whether you want to do it or not, but it is a pleasant attribute
  - saraid216 14y ago
    Actually, if you do certain things while saying the words, it will help make you care. There are two things you need to do: (1) say it intentionally. Pay attention to how you say it, and deliver it earnestly with your head up and be prepared to (2) listen to the response. Give due consideration to the answer and don't dismiss it. This is a window into someone else's life: treasure it, regard it with curiosity, but not intrusively. Most people will start actually caring about the other person as a result of doing this a few times.
    - blogkitten 14y ago
      THIS. I have a coworker who, upon arriving to the office every morning, walks by my desk and asks* "How are you doing?" and every morning I say "fine" with varying levels of sarcasm (and eyerolls). Does she ever notice my tone? Nope. She just parrots back "that's good!" Most of the time, I think people are programmed to ask out of some socially expected behavior...but I'm pretty sure they don't want to hear what the actual answer is. "Well, I woke up to my cat knocking a vase off a table and having to clean up broken glass at 2:30 in the morning. Then when my alarm went off, I got out of bed and stepped right in a pile of cat puke. Oh, I'm also crampy and I hate this job." Somehow I don't think that will go over too well. ____ * as much as one can ask when their face is engaged in whatever is on their smartphone and not what's going on in front of them.
icebraining 14y ago
The few time I tried that I got annoyed or even angry looks. And frankly, I'd be annoyed to - I don't want to tell some random stranger how my day is doing (it's none of their business) and I don't want to have to make up some excuse to deflect the question.
saraid216 14y ago
> it doesn't cost me a single thing to do This isn't true. It costs you several things, actually: time, at the most basic; some emotional investment, especially if you're like me and find talking to be outside your comfort zone, double plus when it's with strangers; and social regard, which we can hope is paid back but it's not guaranteed (the definition of a gamble). People who aren't willing to make these expenditures won't ask. Indeed, they shouldn't ask, unless they're intentionally pushing their personal boundaries. Just because you're wealthy in certain respects does not mean it's okay for you to tell other people to spend in those respects; they might be impoverished in those areas.
milfot 14y ago
I always found it slightly jarring in London that people always asked if I was alright.. 'you alright' I would reply with, why is something wrong, do I not look okay? Took me ages to realise this was just the equivalent of 'how are you' or 'hows it going' or whatever.. Still find it amusing that the British implication on meeting someone is that something is probably wrong, and at best it is 'alright'..
robryan 14y ago
How often do they give a really honest answer though? I think for a lot of us, we aren't interested in meaningless pleasantries and if they are being totally honest often you just wouldn't care aout what they are saying. Sure you could happen upon an interesting conversation, often though it doesn't pan out like that.

ema 14y ago

>I think it's something everyone should do. Nah, i don't think so, because most people (me included) wouldn't actually care and then it would devolve into meaningless politeness. I prefer that only the people (like you) who actually care signal that they care.

pm90 14y ago
I think he meant that everyone should care, not just that everyone should say the words. I guess its really up to you whether you want to do it or not, but it is a pleasant attribute
- saraid216 14y ago
  Actually, if you do certain things while saying the words, it will help make you care. There are two things you need to do: (1) say it intentionally. Pay attention to how you say it, and deliver it earnestly with your head up and be prepared to (2) listen to the response. Give due consideration to the answer and don't dismiss it. This is a window into someone else's life: treasure it, regard it with curiosity, but not intrusively. Most people will start actually caring about the other person as a result of doing this a few times.
  - blogkitten 14y ago
    THIS. I have a coworker who, upon arriving to the office every morning, walks by my desk and asks* "How are you doing?" and every morning I say "fine" with varying levels of sarcasm (and eyerolls). Does she ever notice my tone? Nope. She just parrots back "that's good!" Most of the time, I think people are programmed to ask out of some socially expected behavior...but I'm pretty sure they don't want to hear what the actual answer is. "Well, I woke up to my cat knocking a vase off a table and having to clean up broken glass at 2:30 in the morning. Then when my alarm went off, I got out of bed and stepped right in a pile of cat puke. Oh, I'm also crampy and I hate this job." Somehow I don't think that will go over too well. ____ * as much as one can ask when their face is engaged in whatever is on their smartphone and not what's going on in front of them.

icebraining 14y ago

The few time I tried that I got annoyed or even angry looks. And frankly, I'd be annoyed to - I don't want to tell some random stranger how my day is doing (it's none of their business) and I don't want to have to make up some excuse to deflect the question.

saraid216 14y ago

> it doesn't cost me a single thing to do This isn't true. It costs you several things, actually: time, at the most basic; some emotional investment, especially if you're like me and find talking to be outside your comfort zone, double plus when it's with strangers; and social regard, which we can hope is paid back but it's not guaranteed (the definition of a gamble). People who aren't willing to make these expenditures won't ask. Indeed, they shouldn't ask, unless they're intentionally pushing their personal boundaries. Just because you're wealthy in certain respects does not mean it's okay for you to tell other people to spend in those respects; they might be impoverished in those areas.

milfot 14y ago

I always found it slightly jarring in London that people always asked if I was alright.. 'you alright' I would reply with, why is something wrong, do I not look okay? Took me ages to realise this was just the equivalent of 'how are you' or 'hows it going' or whatever.. Still find it amusing that the British implication on meeting someone is that something is probably wrong, and at best it is 'alright'..

robryan 14y ago

How often do they give a really honest answer though? I think for a lot of us, we aren't interested in meaningless pleasantries and if they are being totally honest often you just wouldn't care aout what they are saying. Sure you could happen upon an interesting conversation, often though it doesn't pan out like that.