Another thought about the complicated nature of honesty (radical or otherwise).... Sometimes, one has a secret, that one is willing to share, but that sharing

Another thought about the complicated nature of honesty (radical or otherwise).... Sometimes, one has a secret, that one is willing to share, but that sharing that secret is likely to be treated by one's audience as being emotionally weighty. So if one (and by "one" I mean "me") shares, the audience is all "why are you sharing this, why are you imposing on me with this knowledge". My honesty is very often a burden on other people. My mother in law, for example, was at one point annoyed by me repeatedly using the phrase "my father's husband" (around her more-conservative father, my grandfather-in-law). I'm aware that that phrase "reveals" something that could potentially be a secret, that I don't want to be a secret. On the one hand, that's the right label for this person! On the other hand, it makes the social situation more frustrating for someone other than myself. She accused me of using the phrase just to be provocative (and maybe at some level she was right?). Another example: Dan Savage argues that if you've cheated on your spouse (and they suspect nothing), confessing simply transfers the burden from you to them; it's selfish. There's a tendency to portray the tradeoff of honesty as being like this: if I'm honest, I pay a cost, but other people benefit. But of course, the cost is often paid by other people. So, if honesty is a means to an end, and the end is being a responsible person who bears their responsibilities well, maybe honesty isn't always the best means. Maybe I need to learn to be less honest, in order to be a better person.