3 ms·
+1 with the other reply to your comment. I don't as an anecdote disagree with some of what you said. There are many things happening in private that you don't
by grvdrm 2y ago
+1 with the other reply to your comment.
I don't as an anecdote disagree with some of what you said. There are many things happening in private that you don't hear about in public. Friends aren't telling friends things. And I think it's important that people feel more comfortable/open/vulnerable with people they know rather than projecting what they want people to think.
But I'm a guy and don't claim that I know what women want! Perhaps you're a woman and thus your reply is rooted in lots of experience/evidence?
- throwanem 2y agoThis strikes me as invidious, an effort to silence. Perhaps I misjudge, so I'll respond in good faith: your prior interlocutor attributes to women what is in fact a common trait of people who've previously been abused. The misattribution is common; women more often come in for sexual abuse on the one hand, and on the other benefit from much more space in the social narrative to exist as survivors thereof. Men who have been similarly abused tend to respond differently, for that and other reasons.
- grvdrm 2y agoI'll respond in good faith too: note that I said "anecdote" - maybe I should have said something like "exclusively personal experience" I thought the OP (in comments) was quite authoritative and confident but without much evidence/support for making such a statement.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- throwanem 2y agoDon't you think that's rather bold? - to call someone out on an unsupported assertion, in the very same breath as you say "and no it isn't, probably!"
- Spivak 2y agoYes, I'm a woman posting about my own experience as well as the experiences of my female friends who I could in no way describe as skewing particularly sexually deviant. They all pretty much consider themselves "vanilla" and yet this article would have you believe that they're deeply depraved for wanting to be "taken," choked, dominated, or receive some light degradation. These things are so normal that they're not even considered to separate from sex, they're just what you happen to be into— on the level of preferring specific positions.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- grvdrm 2y agoInteresting to hear this. And thank you for that open view. And, yeah, my personal experience lines up somewhat with what you said as well as some stories I hear about other folks. Lot of it sounded like people finding - among the many possibilities - ways to change things and have fun and experiment.