3 ms·

no and yes an activity which brings people together, including such which don't yet know each other, repeatedly, often but not required to be in person, where

no and yes an activity which brings people together, including such which don't yet know each other, repeatedly, often but not required to be in person, where the people have to socially engage with each other, where there is peer pressure to not just skip it all the time because it will cause issues for others that helps with loneliness that it gives a framework of expected interactions and often a context where unusual but not mean actions do not or at lest much less lead to social embarrassment helps too but here is the thing, to some degree this was/is true for a lot of traditional activities where you e.g. join club, association or similar. With the main difference being that such traditional clubs instead of being very lax/welcoming for people which are a bit socially awkward often had quite strict behavior codes. To some degree this helps people which are just not good at socializing and need some guidance to to fit in, but also often comes with all kinds of issues (like hazing rituals, or a much high chance of you not fitting in at all) anyway my point is it doesn't have to be Pen and Paper and even less DnD, it can be all kinds of "meetup with soft peer pressure to show up" situations like - a weekly board game meetup (especially for long running games like Gloomheaven) - a wow guild - some team sport clup thing (but not all, in some you just do thing alongside of others which means the extrinsic motivation to not skip it is much lower) A main issue I see here is that a lot of the things can work over internet, but work easiest if there is a physical local close by meet up point. Like a board game store, game cafe, sport clup house, etc. But not only has that gotten much harder due to the combo absurd high rent prices making new places hard and COVID having killed many existing places. But also the way the US seems to be doing zoning in many states (i.e. separation of where everyone lifes and where out of house life can happen) seems to be very hostile and many other things common for socializing in other countries

pavel_lishin 2y ago
> A main issue I see here is that a lot of the things can work over internet, but work easiest if there is a physical local close by meet up point. Like a board game store, game cafe, sport clup house, etc. I agree with this. There is something different about in-person activities than online ones. (And I say this as someone who gets most of his socialization done online.)
meowfly 2y ago
Ive had a really good group of DnD/Pathfinder in the past, but I've tried several times to join games at the a local shop and it wasn't fun. D&D probably selects for a certain type of person that might already have some poor socialization skills to begin with. Moreover, it allows said person to absolutely dominate the game and make it no fun for anyone else. My recommendation is like yours, join a hiking group, or some other more structured activity in person where you don't have to worry about someone's halfling barbarian with agoraphobia spending your gaming session derailing the module. If you find a good group though, it's a lot of fun.
- bluefirebrand 2y ago
  Honestly, this is my experience too I started playing D&D in the 90s, before 3e even was out. For me, D&D and other TTRPGs are basically an excuse to hang out with friends. I treat it like a board game night. I've sometimes heard this called "Beer and Pretzels D&D" I don't find many people who want to play Beer and Pretzels D&D anymore. When I go to public meetups or game stores meetups I find the groups are not casual at all. There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time. The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing. I would love to have an in-person RPG group again but as a hobby it really seems to have shifted from "mostly average people with slightly poor socialization" to "mostly the weirdest and most asocial people you have ever met"
  - pavel_lishin 2y ago
    > There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time. For some people, that is having a good time! Most of the games I'm in, I'm significatnly more interested in the stor & characters than combat, etc. (Although, yeah, we do chat & have beers, etc.) > The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing. I think it's totally fine, as long as everyone at the table is fine with it. A session zero is definitely a requirement to play D&D, imo.

pavel_lishin 2y ago

> A main issue I see here is that a lot of the things can work over internet, but work easiest if there is a physical local close by meet up point. Like a board game store, game cafe, sport clup house, etc. I agree with this. There is something different about in-person activities than online ones. (And I say this as someone who gets most of his socialization done online.)

meowfly 2y ago

Ive had a really good group of DnD/Pathfinder in the past, but I've tried several times to join games at the a local shop and it wasn't fun. D&D probably selects for a certain type of person that might already have some poor socialization skills to begin with. Moreover, it allows said person to absolutely dominate the game and make it no fun for anyone else. My recommendation is like yours, join a hiking group, or some other more structured activity in person where you don't have to worry about someone's halfling barbarian with agoraphobia spending your gaming session derailing the module. If you find a good group though, it's a lot of fun.

bluefirebrand 2y ago
Honestly, this is my experience too I started playing D&D in the 90s, before 3e even was out. For me, D&D and other TTRPGs are basically an excuse to hang out with friends. I treat it like a board game night. I've sometimes heard this called "Beer and Pretzels D&D" I don't find many people who want to play Beer and Pretzels D&D anymore. When I go to public meetups or game stores meetups I find the groups are not casual at all. There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time. The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing. I would love to have an in-person RPG group again but as a hobby it really seems to have shifted from "mostly average people with slightly poor socialization" to "mostly the weirdest and most asocial people you have ever met"
- pavel_lishin 2y ago
  > There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time. For some people, that is having a good time! Most of the games I'm in, I'm significatnly more interested in the stor & characters than combat, etc. (Although, yeah, we do chat & have beers, etc.) > The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing. I think it's totally fine, as long as everyone at the table is fine with it. A session zero is definitely a requirement to play D&D, imo.