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> I don't see anything narcissistic about being a normal human being with natural empathy for the people they work with. I agree but that's not what I said. Wh

by h4ny 2y ago

> I don't see anything narcissistic about being a normal human being with natural empathy for the people they work with. I agree but that's not what I said. What I said was it's "unhelpful, or even narcissistic", for a manager to think that being empathetic as a manager is more emotionally taxing than an IC. > Managing people does require emotional stability and self control, though. It does. That's just being professional though. Being a good coworker in general requires emotional stability and self control. I'm not sure if you're trying to argue that a manager has to have much greater ability to do those than an IC since you seem to avoid saying that directly. > ICs tend to automatically defer to their managers. Sometimes, this leads the ICs to misinterpret tiny reactions from their managers in completely unintended ways. I find that negative, emotionally charged reactions from managers are especially likely to lead to unintended reactions from their ICs. Uh, the reverse sounds just about as true? I'm honestly not sure what the argument there is. > As an IC you try to not bring your personal life ups and does to the job. This is even more important as a manager. It's unclear from what you said why it's more important as a manager -- that's just what every professional should do at a workplace. Can you please elaborate?

gmueckl 2y ago
As a manager, you are always implicitly communicating from a position of power. That changes what you can and cannot say. It's not very hard to understand once you experience it from a manager's perspective, but I don't think that I would have truly understood this exclusively from an IC's perspective, though.
- h4ny 2y ago
  It's truly frightening for people who don't understand that well to be given the opportunity to mange people. As yobbo said it much better than me, "the part that is narcissistic is believing your empathy is uniquely taking a toll on you." It's impossible to have a conversation with people who only make reasonable-sounding statements that are irrelevant to the actual conversation. I'm out.
mmooss 2y ago
> narcissistic Maybe you mean something else? Narcissism is the condition of a very vulnerable ego, and insisting that nothing around you can threaten your ego - everyone has to be 'perfect'.

by h4ny 2y ago

gmueckl 2y ago

As a manager, you are always implicitly communicating from a position of power. That changes what you can and cannot say. It's not very hard to understand once you experience it from a manager's perspective, but I don't think that I would have truly understood this exclusively from an IC's perspective, though.

h4ny 2y ago
It's truly frightening for people who don't understand that well to be given the opportunity to mange people. As yobbo said it much better than me, "the part that is narcissistic is believing your empathy is uniquely taking a toll on you." It's impossible to have a conversation with people who only make reasonable-sounding statements that are irrelevant to the actual conversation. I'm out.

mmooss 2y ago

> narcissistic Maybe you mean something else? Narcissism is the condition of a very vulnerable ego, and insisting that nothing around you can threaten your ego - everyone has to be 'perfect'.