6 ms·

Anti-Love Drug May Be Ticket to Bliss

39 points by makimaki 18y ago

wmeredith 18y ago
It seems like the phrase "everyone belongs to everyone else" is about to become quite relevant.
josefresco 18y ago
The lead-in to the article (and real meat) was a bit long and tough to read through. Neat stuff overall however, can't wait to see the follow up studies.
stcredzero 18y ago
...would you want to start building a long-term relationship with a short-term drug? I tried it. A friend of mine was passing out tabs of X at her birthday party in Cincinnati. After it started to take effect, I wandered into the living room with the thought, "I'm going to give every woman in this room a massage." I never got past the first woman. It was like we had this perfect understanding of each other. It was like being the male lead in a chick flick. A disastrous 2 week pseudo romance followed. It gets worse. I was devastated by the breakup, and I was wandering around the neighborhood thinking, "Please, God, I don't want to be alone. Send me someone, anyone!" Well, I walked into this cool little import shop, and there she was. The next two years were even more of a mess. There's a reason why there used to be California bumper stickers reading "Don't get married for at least 6 weeks after X."
- palish 18y ago
  What happened after that? How did/do you cope? Last night, my girlfriend of three years came home from work. Earlier, she was excited that we'd get that night to ourselves. Anyway, I was expecting that we'd have an awesome night together, so when she came in I immediately shut the laptop and pulled her towards me. Then I noticed she was crying. The oh-shit moment came with her sentence "we need to talk". And seemingly out of nowhere came "we have to break up. I'm sorry. I totally agree that we're very different people." Confusion, anger, and then utter despair ensued. It felt like a plane hit me while driving to work. Things like that just don't happen, you know? I spilled my heart out to her and eventually talked her down. Instead of breaking up, she wanted to take a break for a week. It's incredibly difficult to put into words how terrible it feels to hear your amore you adore ask you to please spend a week at a friend's house. We talked for awhile, and she ended up leaving rather than me. After she left, and many tears later, I experienced the full force of the succinct-but-deadly phrase "Please, God, I don't want to be alone." I literally could not function. I went into the bathroom and just stood there, lost in thought. The overwhelming silence made me feel claustrophobic. Then for some strange reason I began combing my hair. Halfway through that, I broke down again. So I jumped into the shower (1AM at this point) and tried my best to shut my brain off. Instead, I shut the water off after it got cold. Following that, I just sort of crumpled down into the bathtub and started to freak out. It was incredibly weird, and I was trying to make sense of the whole situation. But in matters of the heart, logic is about as effective as using a red cape against a bull. You can use it to dodge, but not to stop, and I had already been trampled at that point anyway. So at about 3AM I grabbed a few sheets of computer paper and began writing. It was a drastic, desperate tactic to keep my brain occupied, but it worked. Slowly the despair began to fade away, but anger took its place. The letter didn't even start as a letter, just as a sequence of events. Then its tone ping-ponged between a breakup letter and a suicide note. (No, I am not suicidal, I was just caught up in the emotions. That kind of situation can temporarily alter a 20-year-old's view of the world.) After a few hours of being alone, I finally accepted that this really was the end, that the situation had permanently changed, and so I finished with "thank you for motivating me to do this now rather than later" right before falling asleep / passing out from exhaustion. Waking up was difficult. Not because I felt tired, but because it was a shock. I was blissfully pain-free, then I wondered why she wasn't next to me, then I remembered what had happened. It was 6:50AM; I woke up from the sound of someone coming up the stairs. My heart raced and I have never hoped for anything more than I hoped at that point that it was her... but it wasn't, which plunged me back into the quicksand of despair. So I picked up the pen again. I started a theological conversation with myself about why people who believe God exists would respect him so much even though he is apparently a cruel, heartless bastard. Then she came back, and in an instant all of the anguish evaporated, as if I was being tazed and then wasn't. We're going to a movie tonight, and I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll work through this. It's hard not to resent her for ambushing me like that, especially when I'm doing a startup. But I'm overwhelmingly thankful that she came back. But this all begs the question, palish/Shawn, why the heck did you post this? Answer: I don't know. stcredzero's situation strongly resonates with me, and it's interesting how relationships in general share so many similarities with drug addiction. I'd imagine that the above experience felt similar to Heroin withdrawal. I wonder how very different my life would currently be if I had popped an anti-love pill right after she said "we have to break up". Or how much pain I'd currently be in if she had popped one right after she left.
  - stcredzero 18y ago
    Yeah, once I broke down in the shower, crying. I was also in my 20's. My current girlfriend sometimes would pull that "I don't feel the same anymore" stuff. It was happening almost every other month, but there was a pattern. We instituted a rule: no talking about relationship status within 3 days of her period. Things are much improved. As for coping, yeah, a lot of this is just weird brain chemistry stuff. A little Buddhist philosophy is useful. Just remember that feelings are transitory. Don't let yourself get swept up by them. Don't let your most significant understanding of reality get swept up in them and be determined by them. Don't take action based just on these feelings. Let it past first, and then deal with things when you are calm. (Things might still suck, but be sure you're not in despair when you make decisions. Find someone else to talk to.) When you're broken up with, there's another set of biochemical changes in your brain. Yes, it's supposed to look like withdrawal. In fact, some biologists will recommend that you take up something like jogging because your endorphin levels are crashing. Remember to take care of yourself, particularly your physical self with every bit of care that you would've taken care of her. Know who you are and be true to your principles, even if this feels like you are giving up your one unbelievable cosmic chance for ineffable happiness. (If you are in your 20's, this is very unlikely to be the case.) Be gentle and firm if the situation warrants it, but don't ever be angry. Be willing to let her go, if that's what's the best for her, or the world, or the Allied war effort. (Yes, as in Casablanca.) Concentrate on being the most good, honorable, and empathic man you can be. Do this because this is really the one and only chance to get her back. There are all kinds of manipulation you can try to get her back, but ultimately these will shortchange you even if they do work at first. Be willing to do what's the best for her, for you, for everyone as a whole, even if you have to let her go. Be willing to give her that one last act of unselfish love. Let her go quietly if that is indeed what it turns out to be. (This is not to refrain from expressing your undying love for her. By all means do that. Rather, refrain from the use of threats, emotional aggression, holding yourself as hostage, that kind of stuff.) I made lots of bad moves in relationships out of anger or strong feelings in my 20's and 30's. I have come to this conclusion: In the end, you have to ask yourself how much you value Love. Are you willing to stand up for Love? Are you willing to protect the one you Love, even from yourself? Are you willing to risk going to the grave alone for the sake of Love? In my mind, a man is only really worthy of Love if he can say yes to all of these questions.
- whatusername 18y ago
  Is X slang for ecstasy? Googling for "X" is a bit of a challenge - but I've never heard the term before.. Wiki seems to suggest it though.
  - stcredzero 18y ago
    Yes, X was prevalent slang for ecstasy. Caution: much of the so-called ecstasy you get in recent years is largely amphetamine. I wouldn't be inclined to trust it. Dancing (Salsa, Swing, Tango, Contra) is much healthier for you, and if you're genuinely having fun doing it and you have some clue about hygiene, it's about as effective at getting you laid. Actually, in my brief experience with X, cuddling seems to be a significant local maxima. Moderate amounts of alcohol are probably better than X for getting you laid. (But dancing has been even more effective than alcohol.)
ars 18y ago
Why is this not an editorial? Someone was depressed while writing this. I don't think people really want that vaccine. Despite what they say people really do want the up and down, and don't really want all the same - even though they say they do.

39 points by makimaki 18y ago

It seems like the phrase "everyone belongs to everyone else" is about to become quite relevant.

The lead-in to the article (and real meat) was a bit long and tough to read through. Neat stuff overall however, can't wait to see the follow up studies.

stcredzero 18y ago

...would you want to start building a long-term relationship with a short-term drug? I tried it. A friend of mine was passing out tabs of X at her birthday party in Cincinnati. After it started to take effect, I wandered into the living room with the thought, "I'm going to give every woman in this room a massage." I never got past the first woman. It was like we had this perfect understanding of each other. It was like being the male lead in a chick flick. A disastrous 2 week pseudo romance followed. It gets worse. I was devastated by the breakup, and I was wandering around the neighborhood thinking, "Please, God, I don't want to be alone. Send me someone, anyone!" Well, I walked into this cool little import shop, and there she was. The next two years were even more of a mess. There's a reason why there used to be California bumper stickers reading "Don't get married for at least 6 weeks after X."

palish 18y ago
What happened after that? How did/do you cope? Last night, my girlfriend of three years came home from work. Earlier, she was excited that we'd get that night to ourselves. Anyway, I was expecting that we'd have an awesome night together, so when she came in I immediately shut the laptop and pulled her towards me. Then I noticed she was crying. The oh-shit moment came with her sentence "we need to talk". And seemingly out of nowhere came "we have to break up. I'm sorry. I totally agree that we're very different people." Confusion, anger, and then utter despair ensued. It felt like a plane hit me while driving to work. Things like that just don't happen, you know? I spilled my heart out to her and eventually talked her down. Instead of breaking up, she wanted to take a break for a week. It's incredibly difficult to put into words how terrible it feels to hear your amore you adore ask you to please spend a week at a friend's house. We talked for awhile, and she ended up leaving rather than me. After she left, and many tears later, I experienced the full force of the succinct-but-deadly phrase "Please, God, I don't want to be alone." I literally could not function. I went into the bathroom and just stood there, lost in thought. The overwhelming silence made me feel claustrophobic. Then for some strange reason I began combing my hair. Halfway through that, I broke down again. So I jumped into the shower (1AM at this point) and tried my best to shut my brain off. Instead, I shut the water off after it got cold. Following that, I just sort of crumpled down into the bathtub and started to freak out. It was incredibly weird, and I was trying to make sense of the whole situation. But in matters of the heart, logic is about as effective as using a red cape against a bull. You can use it to dodge, but not to stop, and I had already been trampled at that point anyway. So at about 3AM I grabbed a few sheets of computer paper and began writing. It was a drastic, desperate tactic to keep my brain occupied, but it worked. Slowly the despair began to fade away, but anger took its place. The letter didn't even start as a letter, just as a sequence of events. Then its tone ping-ponged between a breakup letter and a suicide note. (No, I am not suicidal, I was just caught up in the emotions. That kind of situation can temporarily alter a 20-year-old's view of the world.) After a few hours of being alone, I finally accepted that this really was the end, that the situation had permanently changed, and so I finished with "thank you for motivating me to do this now rather than later" right before falling asleep / passing out from exhaustion. Waking up was difficult. Not because I felt tired, but because it was a shock. I was blissfully pain-free, then I wondered why she wasn't next to me, then I remembered what had happened. It was 6:50AM; I woke up from the sound of someone coming up the stairs. My heart raced and I have never hoped for anything more than I hoped at that point that it was her... but it wasn't, which plunged me back into the quicksand of despair. So I picked up the pen again. I started a theological conversation with myself about why people who believe God exists would respect him so much even though he is apparently a cruel, heartless bastard. Then she came back, and in an instant all of the anguish evaporated, as if I was being tazed and then wasn't. We're going to a movie tonight, and I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll work through this. It's hard not to resent her for ambushing me like that, especially when I'm doing a startup. But I'm overwhelmingly thankful that she came back. But this all begs the question, palish/Shawn, why the heck did you post this? Answer: I don't know. stcredzero's situation strongly resonates with me, and it's interesting how relationships in general share so many similarities with drug addiction. I'd imagine that the above experience felt similar to Heroin withdrawal. I wonder how very different my life would currently be if I had popped an anti-love pill right after she said "we have to break up". Or how much pain I'd currently be in if she had popped one right after she left.
- stcredzero 18y ago
  Yeah, once I broke down in the shower, crying. I was also in my 20's. My current girlfriend sometimes would pull that "I don't feel the same anymore" stuff. It was happening almost every other month, but there was a pattern. We instituted a rule: no talking about relationship status within 3 days of her period. Things are much improved. As for coping, yeah, a lot of this is just weird brain chemistry stuff. A little Buddhist philosophy is useful. Just remember that feelings are transitory. Don't let yourself get swept up by them. Don't let your most significant understanding of reality get swept up in them and be determined by them. Don't take action based just on these feelings. Let it past first, and then deal with things when you are calm. (Things might still suck, but be sure you're not in despair when you make decisions. Find someone else to talk to.) When you're broken up with, there's another set of biochemical changes in your brain. Yes, it's supposed to look like withdrawal. In fact, some biologists will recommend that you take up something like jogging because your endorphin levels are crashing. Remember to take care of yourself, particularly your physical self with every bit of care that you would've taken care of her. Know who you are and be true to your principles, even if this feels like you are giving up your one unbelievable cosmic chance for ineffable happiness. (If you are in your 20's, this is very unlikely to be the case.) Be gentle and firm if the situation warrants it, but don't ever be angry. Be willing to let her go, if that's what's the best for her, or the world, or the Allied war effort. (Yes, as in Casablanca.) Concentrate on being the most good, honorable, and empathic man you can be. Do this because this is really the one and only chance to get her back. There are all kinds of manipulation you can try to get her back, but ultimately these will shortchange you even if they do work at first. Be willing to do what's the best for her, for you, for everyone as a whole, even if you have to let her go. Be willing to give her that one last act of unselfish love. Let her go quietly if that is indeed what it turns out to be. (This is not to refrain from expressing your undying love for her. By all means do that. Rather, refrain from the use of threats, emotional aggression, holding yourself as hostage, that kind of stuff.) I made lots of bad moves in relationships out of anger or strong feelings in my 20's and 30's. I have come to this conclusion: In the end, you have to ask yourself how much you value Love. Are you willing to stand up for Love? Are you willing to protect the one you Love, even from yourself? Are you willing to risk going to the grave alone for the sake of Love? In my mind, a man is only really worthy of Love if he can say yes to all of these questions.
whatusername 18y ago
Is X slang for ecstasy? Googling for "X" is a bit of a challenge - but I've never heard the term before.. Wiki seems to suggest it though.
- stcredzero 18y ago
  Yes, X was prevalent slang for ecstasy. Caution: much of the so-called ecstasy you get in recent years is largely amphetamine. I wouldn't be inclined to trust it. Dancing (Salsa, Swing, Tango, Contra) is much healthier for you, and if you're genuinely having fun doing it and you have some clue about hygiene, it's about as effective at getting you laid. Actually, in my brief experience with X, cuddling seems to be a significant local maxima. Moderate amounts of alcohol are probably better than X for getting you laid. (But dancing has been even more effective than alcohol.)

ars 18y ago

Why is this not an editorial? Someone was depressed while writing this. I don't think people really want that vaccine. Despite what they say people really do want the up and down, and don't really want all the same - even though they say they do.