3 ms·

Ask HN: Should you avoid taking pictures of elderly friends and family?

2 points by amichail 2y ago

Don't they perceive it as an insult, as it could imply, "Let me take a photo of you before you die"?

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
toomuchtodo 2y ago
"May I capture memories of {you}|{us together}?"
- JohnFen 2y ago
  That would make me very uncomfortable. Better is just simply asking "can I take your picture"?
  - toomuchtodo 2y ago
    What about that phrase would make you uncomfortable?
    - JohnFen 2y ago
      With other, younger, subjects, you wouldn't feel the need to justify asking for a photo like that, so including a justification indicates that you consider the subject to be some sort of special case. The most common social error I see when younger people interact with older people is that they treat the older people as if they're a special case or delicate flowers to be handled with kid gloves. Just treat them like the normal humans they are, the same as you'd treat anyone else.
      - toomuchtodo 2y ago
        > With other, younger, subjects, you wouldn't feel the need to justify asking for a photo like that, so including a justification indicates that you consider the subject to be some sort of special case. I've had more than one friend die young and unexpectedly (not knowing that the last time we were in person together would be our last time), so if justification is needed, it is as simple as "Tomorrow is not assured, and any of us could be dead tomorrow. I would like to remember this, if that's okay with you." But, to each their own approach to life and interpersonal relationships. I appreciate the reply, so that I can better understand others.
sqwrell 2y ago
Take photos of all your friends and family all the time. Any day might be their last! But to reply to your questions, the answer is yes - take photos but do it in the proper context
LinuxBender 2y ago
Elderly people are fully aware of their mortality. They may perceive this as you wanting to remember them when they are gone but each culture handles this differently so maybe it makes sense to ask other elderly people from your specific culture for their opinions. My generalized opinion is to just be tactful and sensitive. They are old enough to know your intentions. They've already lost many of their friends. Get them to show you their photo albums and maybe take some pictures of their pictures or make a video of them talking about people in the pictures. Ask their permission where you may post the video you made, such as only sharing with family members privately via thumb drive or if big brother social media is ok. I prefer self hosted private family forums. Whatever happens give them a hug, it's worth more than anything you can say.
JohnFen 2y ago
As one who is nearing "elderly" status, what I have learned not only in myself but from others who are my age or older is that younger people tend to be much more upset by the reality of aging than older ones. We've had years to come to terms with and plan for the inevitable future.

2 points by amichail 2y ago

Don't they perceive it as an insult, as it could imply, "Let me take a photo of you before you die"?

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

toomuchtodo 2y ago

"May I capture memories of {you}|{us together}?"

JohnFen 2y ago
That would make me very uncomfortable. Better is just simply asking "can I take your picture"?
- toomuchtodo 2y ago
  What about that phrase would make you uncomfortable?
  - JohnFen 2y ago
    With other, younger, subjects, you wouldn't feel the need to justify asking for a photo like that, so including a justification indicates that you consider the subject to be some sort of special case. The most common social error I see when younger people interact with older people is that they treat the older people as if they're a special case or delicate flowers to be handled with kid gloves. Just treat them like the normal humans they are, the same as you'd treat anyone else.
    - toomuchtodo 2y ago
      > With other, younger, subjects, you wouldn't feel the need to justify asking for a photo like that, so including a justification indicates that you consider the subject to be some sort of special case. I've had more than one friend die young and unexpectedly (not knowing that the last time we were in person together would be our last time), so if justification is needed, it is as simple as "Tomorrow is not assured, and any of us could be dead tomorrow. I would like to remember this, if that's okay with you." But, to each their own approach to life and interpersonal relationships. I appreciate the reply, so that I can better understand others.

sqwrell 2y ago

Take photos of all your friends and family all the time. Any day might be their last! But to reply to your questions, the answer is yes - take photos but do it in the proper context

LinuxBender 2y ago

Elderly people are fully aware of their mortality. They may perceive this as you wanting to remember them when they are gone but each culture handles this differently so maybe it makes sense to ask other elderly people from your specific culture for their opinions. My generalized opinion is to just be tactful and sensitive. They are old enough to know your intentions. They've already lost many of their friends. Get them to show you their photo albums and maybe take some pictures of their pictures or make a video of them talking about people in the pictures. Ask their permission where you may post the video you made, such as only sharing with family members privately via thumb drive or if big brother social media is ok. I prefer self hosted private family forums. Whatever happens give them a hug, it's worth more than anything you can say.

JohnFen 2y ago

As one who is nearing "elderly" status, what I have learned not only in myself but from others who are my age or older is that younger people tend to be much more upset by the reality of aging than older ones. We've had years to come to terms with and plan for the inevitable future.