4 ms·

To any managers here, please avoid and forever forget blank cheque questions like "how are you". Makes the mood instantly superficial.

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
paperpunk 2y ago
Maybe it’s a cultural difference but to me that is just normal friendliness and ice-breaking. I’m quite happy for my manager to ask how am I and to have a 2 minute chat about life outside work before diving into the 1:1.
zdware 2y ago
I dunno, I feel like I can be transparent with my manager when we ask each other that. I think it depends on your relationship with them and the company culture.
ivan_gammel 2y ago
Bad advice. It is not the problem with question when you feel it that way. It’s the problem with engagement of the manager. It’s perfectly normal to ask „How are you?“
- deathanatos 2y ago
  This already reminds me of this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22347296 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22347296
  - ivan_gammel 2y ago
    Sort of. Questions are tools, tools can be used incorrectly. It doesn‘t mean that every manager asking „How is your wife?“ is an idiot or that is inappropriate question in all situations. It may take a lot of time working under idiots before you meet a decent person, but they will ask those questions at some point and you will be happy that they asked. Better to teach the appropriate use.
jrockway 2y ago
I had a manager that always started with "How are things?" and I thought that was a great jumping off point. "Not good, production is always down and I've been paged 700 times in the last day," is a potential answer to that question, and a 1:1 is a good way to start forming a plan on how to deal with that. Realistically, if you competently addressed all the pages that are coming in, they might not even know it's going on. So it's good to mention it and that it's bugging you!
Hamuko 2y ago
I hate it so much. My manager always asks it and presses the issue whenever I try to move past it with some generic response. As if I want to start having a deep "how are you" discussion with a business stranger, especially one with whom I do not share a geographical location, a culture or first language.
- JohnFen 2y ago
  My manager does something even worse: we have a team meeting every Monday morning, and each of us is expected to give a brief report of what we did in our private lives over the weekend. He lets me slide when I say "not much", fortunately, but I think it's an overly intrusive ask, especially in front of the whole team.
  - peab 2y ago
    I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like pretty normal human social behavior
    - f30e3dfed1c9 2y ago
      No, it doesn't. If this were between two friendly co-workers chatting on a Monday morning, sure. But in a team meeting, asking every person what they did over the weekend, when that is actually none of the manager's business? Not normal, not by a long shot.
    - JohnFen 2y ago
      I've been in this business for multiple decades, and I have never had a manager do that before. It's very unusual in my experience. A status meeting is a business occasion, not a social one. Asking for a status report about my non-work time is just very strange and intrusive in that setting. My time is my time, not subject to company review. It's a world apart from talking over the water cooler, where it would indeed be normal social interaction.
      - ivan_gammel 2y ago

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

paperpunk 2y ago

Maybe it’s a cultural difference but to me that is just normal friendliness and ice-breaking. I’m quite happy for my manager to ask how am I and to have a 2 minute chat about life outside work before diving into the 1:1.

zdware 2y ago

I dunno, I feel like I can be transparent with my manager when we ask each other that. I think it depends on your relationship with them and the company culture.

ivan_gammel 2y ago

Bad advice. It is not the problem with question when you feel it that way. It’s the problem with engagement of the manager. It’s perfectly normal to ask „How are you?“

deathanatos 2y ago
This already reminds me of this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22347296 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22347296
- ivan_gammel 2y ago
  Sort of. Questions are tools, tools can be used incorrectly. It doesn‘t mean that every manager asking „How is your wife?“ is an idiot or that is inappropriate question in all situations. It may take a lot of time working under idiots before you meet a decent person, but they will ask those questions at some point and you will be happy that they asked. Better to teach the appropriate use.

jrockway 2y ago

I had a manager that always started with "How are things?" and I thought that was a great jumping off point. "Not good, production is always down and I've been paged 700 times in the last day," is a potential answer to that question, and a 1:1 is a good way to start forming a plan on how to deal with that. Realistically, if you competently addressed all the pages that are coming in, they might not even know it's going on. So it's good to mention it and that it's bugging you!

Hamuko 2y ago

I hate it so much. My manager always asks it and presses the issue whenever I try to move past it with some generic response. As if I want to start having a deep "how are you" discussion with a business stranger, especially one with whom I do not share a geographical location, a culture or first language.

JohnFen 2y ago
My manager does something even worse: we have a team meeting every Monday morning, and each of us is expected to give a brief report of what we did in our private lives over the weekend. He lets me slide when I say "not much", fortunately, but I think it's an overly intrusive ask, especially in front of the whole team.
- peab 2y ago
  I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like pretty normal human social behavior
  - f30e3dfed1c9 2y ago
    No, it doesn't. If this were between two friendly co-workers chatting on a Monday morning, sure. But in a team meeting, asking every person what they did over the weekend, when that is actually none of the manager's business? Not normal, not by a long shot.
  - JohnFen 2y ago
    I've been in this business for multiple decades, and I have never had a manager do that before. It's very unusual in my experience. A status meeting is a business occasion, not a social one. Asking for a status report about my non-work time is just very strange and intrusive in that setting. My time is my time, not subject to company review. It's a world apart from talking over the water cooler, where it would indeed be normal social interaction.
    - ivan_gammel 2y ago