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I found myself single in my late 30s after a long relationship ended. Dipping my toe in the water with the apps was not an experience that I enjoyed. I met my

I found myself single in my late 30s after a long relationship ended. Dipping my toe in the water with the apps was not an experience that I enjoyed. I met my ex online at a time when people didn’t admit they met online. That was a far better time for online dating. What I know with absolute certainty is that adding AI to the pre-meeting process is exactly the opposite of what I want, especially if that means I’m not interacting with the real person. I already have a strongly stated “if we’re both interested based on our profiles, let’s just meet for coffee ASAP” preference, and the best dates have been with people who felt the same way. Anything else (aside from maybe a video call) just means we’re both building images of each other that may not be real. People are very different in person in many cases. Add an AI in the middle, and this is even worse. I wholly agree with the point that adding an AI layer is just taking an already suboptimal situation and making it immediately worse. I can’t help but feel like this is a market ripe for disruption. If the big apps start featuring AI, I think this becomes even more true.

onemoresoop 2y ago
Couldn’t agree more. AI is an extra layer of indirection and distorted expectations that are not needed in dating apps. Imagine a world where AI agents that deal with other AI agents deciding what’s good for you. What could go bad?
tmpz22 2y ago
I actually met some of the people building these types of company, they completely blank when you bring up ethical concerns and unintended consequences. I'd love a townhall event with one of them just so the world could see the type of men behind these dating apps.
- ryandrake 2y ago
  To be fair, a lot of professional programmers (regardless of application / industry) completely blank when you bring up ethical concerns of their work. As long as they're being paid and it's an [interesting | challenging | hot] technology, they're more than happy to turn a blind eye toward the application they're actually building. "Hey, I'm just moving protobufs around, it's not my fault my company uses it to build the Torment Nexus!"
apwell23 2y ago
late 30s is the prime dating market for men when scales tip towards their favor. enjoy!!
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
ehsankia 2y ago
I was almost exactly in the same situation as you. In my 20s, I remember using OKCupid, but the OKCupid I found when I tried again in my 30s was very different (it is owned by Match afterall). All the apps were very similar, and the only chance I had of actually getting anywhere was sinking a ton of money into them. I was heavily active on 3-4 apps and vaguely active of 3-4 others, for nearly a year. I think I sunk ~$500 into the apps, with maybe 2 dozen dates to show of it. Part of the problem is the abundance of profiles. We get trained to judge people on a very superficial level, because there's just too many people to properly analyze. I found myself going through phases of trying to swipe everyone right, and then through phases of being a lot more picky and swiping left of anyone that had the smallest flaw. You're right that at the end of the day, the best way was to meet people IRL asap and get to know them that way. That being said, for busy full time adults, that's still a lot of work and effort. Dating I find is especially hard for people who don't have third spaces. For introverts hanging out online. You can have third spaces online (twitch, discord, gaming communities), but it's harder to find local people there.

onemoresoop 2y ago

Couldn’t agree more. AI is an extra layer of indirection and distorted expectations that are not needed in dating apps. Imagine a world where AI agents that deal with other AI agents deciding what’s good for you. What could go bad?

tmpz22 2y ago

I actually met some of the people building these types of company, they completely blank when you bring up ethical concerns and unintended consequences. I'd love a townhall event with one of them just so the world could see the type of men behind these dating apps.

ryandrake 2y ago
To be fair, a lot of professional programmers (regardless of application / industry) completely blank when you bring up ethical concerns of their work. As long as they're being paid and it's an [interesting | challenging | hot] technology, they're more than happy to turn a blind eye toward the application they're actually building. "Hey, I'm just moving protobufs around, it's not my fault my company uses it to build the Torment Nexus!"

apwell23 2y ago

late 30s is the prime dating market for men when scales tip towards their favor. enjoy!!

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]

ehsankia 2y ago

I was almost exactly in the same situation as you. In my 20s, I remember using OKCupid, but the OKCupid I found when I tried again in my 30s was very different (it is owned by Match afterall). All the apps were very similar, and the only chance I had of actually getting anywhere was sinking a ton of money into them. I was heavily active on 3-4 apps and vaguely active of 3-4 others, for nearly a year. I think I sunk ~$500 into the apps, with maybe 2 dozen dates to show of it. Part of the problem is the abundance of profiles. We get trained to judge people on a very superficial level, because there's just too many people to properly analyze. I found myself going through phases of trying to swipe everyone right, and then through phases of being a lot more picky and swiping left of anyone that had the smallest flaw. You're right that at the end of the day, the best way was to meet people IRL asap and get to know them that way. That being said, for busy full time adults, that's still a lot of work and effort. Dating I find is especially hard for people who don't have third spaces. For introverts hanging out online. You can have third spaces online (twitch, discord, gaming communities), but it's harder to find local people there.