3 ms·

So happy I’m married already. Dating today seems like such a nightmare and this will only make it worse.

by Carrok 2y ago

ta12653421 2y ago
Coming out of nearly exactly 12.75 years long-term-relationship and trying currently these apps, i can confirm to you: TRUE. I do not know whats up with the people: Couple of weeks ago i had a dad, she had also 2 children; during the discussion it turned out that they have a battle regarding who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom+WC; i was shocked about their frequency (3 people!), so i said: why dont just get a cleaning support? In my language, there is a difference between male and female wording - since its very "common language", i used the "female version" of the cleaning support personel as most people do over here - then i got a punch for how irrespectful and sexist i am for using this wording and why i do not use a "neutral" version.
- ta12653421 2y ago
  why do i get downvoted here on a story that happened in real life?
  - misnome 2y ago
    Because the entire statement is exhausting to try and parse - nearly unreadable because you flip the genders back and forth at random. Whatever you were trying to say is completely lost behind it. Edit: also I have no idea where you got “get a cleaning support” from, maybe a badly literalised translation for “cleaner”? Otherwise I’m not sure what english gendered term would elicit that reaction, housemaid seems too regular, “french maid” maybe? That might hit the archaic and loaded sexist implications? Otherwise, if not english, then I’m afraid perhaps the situation doesn’t directly translate well.
    - ta12653421 2y ago
      Its a german speaking country, and compared to your "housemaid" the colloqial saying here on the street is "Putzfrau" or "Putzfee". Wording: "get a cleaning support" - you mean, it sounds like i recommend someone to go to drug-cleaning-therapy and lot of people may get it wrong? :-D
  - ceejayoz 2y ago
    “Why don’t you just get a cleaner?” is not a subject I’d introduce anywhere near the start of a relationship.
    - ta12653421 2y ago
      Well, if you are telling me about problem X, which could easily resolved and which would be useful and beneficial for you, and we could solve it with low transactions costs, and i present you the solution Y to your problem X: Why should this be offensive? (obviously they have some "logistics alignment problem", if the have those dicussions?) example: im living alone and i also hired someone to do this. I do not get whats wrong about a useful suggestion? And esp. in this case, its not about the money that they do not hire someone
      - ceejayoz 2y ago
        People often make the mistake of thinking “I want to rant about X” means “I’d like a near stranger to tell me how to fix X”. “Why don’t you just get someone in to clean”, specifically, may also cause a perception of criticism. Perhaps they want their kids to learn to do the chore for when they live alone. Etc.
        ta12653421 2y ago
        OK, i get the idea of that stranger guy in the metro telling you how to fix your life when he saw that you are scrolling whatever self-help-page. Well, in this specific case: This wasnt our first date, we met already several times before; so i was not just throwing over this idea as a stranger. And i get the educational-track here that you are pointing on - the thing is, if you would know about their frequency (as told by her), then you see that a critical level may be achieved at which you shouldn bet on "if-its-dirty-enough-the-kids-will-do-it-somewhen" ;-) ;-)
  - rfrey 2y ago
    From me because you turned a thread about online dating into a missive that reads "woke feminists today, amirite?"
    - ta12653421 2y ago
      Well, if this is your only worries, then, yes, you are right: Im a very-bad-Super-Nazi (or even more!) when just telling that i was wondered about getting offended because of using the regular "local language" LOL :-)
      - rfrey 2y ago
        Why did you ask if you didn't want to know?
Oarch 2y ago
It's very brute force. The apps often ignore filters you've set - even those you've paid for access to! It's partly just a feeling but I can sometimes feel changes in the algorithm and they're never for the better, unfortunately.

So happy I’m married already. Dating today seems like such a nightmare and this will only make it worse.

by Carrok 2y ago

So happy I’m married already. Dating today seems like such a nightmare and this will only make it worse.

Coming out of nearly exactly 12.75 years long-term-relationship and trying currently these apps, i can confirm to you: TRUE. I do not know whats up with the people: Couple of weeks ago i had a dad, she had also 2 children; during the discussion it turned out that they have a battle regarding who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom+WC; i was shocked about their frequency (3 people!), so i said: why dont just get a cleaning support? In my language, there is a difference between male and female wording - since its very "common language", i used the "female version" of the cleaning support personel as most people do over here - then i got a punch for how irrespectful and sexist i am for using this wording and why i do not use a "neutral" version.

ta12653421 2y ago
why do i get downvoted here on a story that happened in real life?
- misnome 2y ago
  Because the entire statement is exhausting to try and parse - nearly unreadable because you flip the genders back and forth at random. Whatever you were trying to say is completely lost behind it. Edit: also I have no idea where you got “get a cleaning support” from, maybe a badly literalised translation for “cleaner”? Otherwise I’m not sure what english gendered term would elicit that reaction, housemaid seems too regular, “french maid” maybe? That might hit the archaic and loaded sexist implications? Otherwise, if not english, then I’m afraid perhaps the situation doesn’t directly translate well.
  - ta12653421 2y ago
    Its a german speaking country, and compared to your "housemaid" the colloqial saying here on the street is "Putzfrau" or "Putzfee". Wording: "get a cleaning support" - you mean, it sounds like i recommend someone to go to drug-cleaning-therapy and lot of people may get it wrong? :-D
- ceejayoz 2y ago
  “Why don’t you just get a cleaner?” is not a subject I’d introduce anywhere near the start of a relationship.
  - ta12653421 2y ago
    Well, if you are telling me about problem X, which could easily resolved and which would be useful and beneficial for you, and we could solve it with low transactions costs, and i present you the solution Y to your problem X: Why should this be offensive? (obviously they have some "logistics alignment problem", if the have those dicussions?) example: im living alone and i also hired someone to do this. I do not get whats wrong about a useful suggestion? And esp. in this case, its not about the money that they do not hire someone
    - ceejayoz 2y ago
      People often make the mistake of thinking “I want to rant about X” means “I’d like a near stranger to tell me how to fix X”. “Why don’t you just get someone in to clean”, specifically, may also cause a perception of criticism. Perhaps they want their kids to learn to do the chore for when they live alone. Etc.
      - ta12653421 2y ago
        OK, i get the idea of that stranger guy in the metro telling you how to fix your life when he saw that you are scrolling whatever self-help-page. Well, in this specific case: This wasnt our first date, we met already several times before; so i was not just throwing over this idea as a stranger. And i get the educational-track here that you are pointing on - the thing is, if you would know about their frequency (as told by her), then you see that a critical level may be achieved at which you shouldn bet on "if-its-dirty-enough-the-kids-will-do-it-somewhen" ;-) ;-)
- rfrey 2y ago
  From me because you turned a thread about online dating into a missive that reads "woke feminists today, amirite?"
  - ta12653421 2y ago
    Well, if this is your only worries, then, yes, you are right: Im a very-bad-Super-Nazi (or even more!) when just telling that i was wondered about getting offended because of using the regular "local language" LOL :-)
    - rfrey 2y ago
      Why did you ask if you didn't want to know?

Oarch 2y ago

It's very brute force. The apps often ignore filters you've set - even those you've paid for access to! It's partly just a feeling but I can sometimes feel changes in the algorithm and they're never for the better, unfortunately.