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We have tried to limit screen time for my teenagers. We have tried to directly limit app time and categories of apps. We have tried to get them involved in spor

We have tried to limit screen time for my teenagers. We have tried to directly limit app time and categories of apps. We have tried to get them involved in sports and other activities to consume some idle time. We demand "best effort" for school and good manners. My teenagers are, by all accounts of my research, "addicted" to reels, tiktok and youtube shorts. Given the lack of understanding, guidance and real research that proves or disproves harm was the impetus to try limiting these apps. It was not well received by my adolescents to put it mildly. Being that I hold open-mindedness as a virtue for myself, I asked them to construct arguments that would help me understand their point of view and would reconsider if those arguments were compelling. They were. Both of them put together slide shows with their school supplied chromebooks. They started off telling my wife and I about their grades, which are excellent. They showed that they don't miss assignments and don't have "too many" infractions for misbehaving in class. They showed us their training schedules for soccer and clubs. My daughter, the ridiculously organized perfectionist, showed use how much time she spends cleaning her room and doing her laundry every month. She is also the biggest consumer of tiktok in the house by a wide margin. She then showed us an example of her feed. Both had arguments that basically said; "we are responsible teens that get 93% of what you ask done without you asking more than once. We should be allowed to use these apps when we have down time and just want to veg out." I am inclined to agree. I came away from this thinking about a lot of things. Namely, I am not sure any of the "social media" is bad research can be generalized across a population. The two teenagers in my house have enviable feeds. They watch content that is directly applicable to the activities they do in real life. Obviously there are stupid videos and funny videos, but the bulk was tutorials and discussions regarding real stuff like nail design, hair styles, clothing, soccer skill drills, math tutorials, weird science stuff, fishing, Golf, and TONS of music dances. I have considered that perhaps we are now the "old people" that just don't get it and because of that have labeled it "bad for you". I am biased, but damn proud of my teens. We have relinquished a fair amount of control on the "time" aspect. However, we still have boundaries as to when and where they use their phones as a matter of manners and they hold us accountable to them as well. I guess what I am saying is that I don't think "brain rot" is real for everyone.

vrosas 2y ago
Did you think it’s possible they spent a few days “cleaning” their feed with content you’d approve of? That’s the first thing I would do if someone was criticizing my browsing habits.
- knowsuchagency 2y ago
  This is overly cynical. They sound like good kids. I don't know why it's so hard for people to imagine that not everyone's feed is smut. I've learned a ton from TikTok.
johnea 2y ago
It sounds like your parenting efforts have paid off. Good job! If only more parents could be so thoughtful. Sadly, I don't think most of the teens being discussed would fit into the performance categories your children are achieving. Would your own children even have those "real life" activities if you hadn't insisted they do so, and facilitated the activity? Sadly, many parents use a screen to distract the child so that they themselves can participate in vacuous internet prattle. I think you're right in your conclusion: it's not a matter of to have it, or not to have it. It's a matter of how much, and to what effect. With your children's reported life performance, it doesn't seem like they're being unnecessarily harmed, but many others are. This is also in line with your statement that these are not conclusions that can be applied universally. Each child, each person, has to look at how the behaviour is affecting their lives (this also, for instance, applies to any intoxicating substance use, such as alcohol). A responsible person will limit their use to minimize the negative effects, but this self discipline is also a taught behaviour, and probably why your own children are doing well in this regard. Once again, Congratulations on your parenting efforts and the payoff!

vrosas 2y ago

Did you think it’s possible they spent a few days “cleaning” their feed with content you’d approve of? That’s the first thing I would do if someone was criticizing my browsing habits.

knowsuchagency 2y ago
This is overly cynical. They sound like good kids. I don't know why it's so hard for people to imagine that not everyone's feed is smut. I've learned a ton from TikTok.

johnea 2y ago

It sounds like your parenting efforts have paid off. Good job! If only more parents could be so thoughtful. Sadly, I don't think most of the teens being discussed would fit into the performance categories your children are achieving. Would your own children even have those "real life" activities if you hadn't insisted they do so, and facilitated the activity? Sadly, many parents use a screen to distract the child so that they themselves can participate in vacuous internet prattle. I think you're right in your conclusion: it's not a matter of to have it, or not to have it. It's a matter of how much, and to what effect. With your children's reported life performance, it doesn't seem like they're being unnecessarily harmed, but many others are. This is also in line with your statement that these are not conclusions that can be applied universally. Each child, each person, has to look at how the behaviour is affecting their lives (this also, for instance, applies to any intoxicating substance use, such as alcohol). A responsible person will limit their use to minimize the negative effects, but this self discipline is also a taught behaviour, and probably why your own children are doing well in this regard. Once again, Congratulations on your parenting efforts and the payoff!