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Ye so think I have no self esteem. That’s bang on. No matter what I do, I never feel like it grows. Nothing brings me satisfaction anymore, I’m just doing what

Ye so think I have no self esteem. That’s bang on. No matter what I do, I never feel like it grows. Nothing brings me satisfaction anymore, I’m just doing what everyone else says works. I was happy coding my graphics project but it isolated me from the world and my ex. I love animals but you can’t make a living off that. I constantly feel like I’m one step away from losing everything in life. I’m constantly on the verge of breaking. Everything that people take for granted is an uphill battle for me. And I don’t understand why. My ex told me she didn’t find me attractive at several points in the relationship. She never showed me affection. She never asked about my projects or my interests. I supported us both through our first mortgage. I let her work 3 days a week when her friend died which she did for 2 years. I earnt far more than her, yet I paid for everything and split finances in proportion to our earnings. I was so fair and caring, and in the end I got dumped over the phone and had to go pickup my stuff while the rain was pissing down hard. I really am trying with people, but I’m growing increasingly isolated day by day, no matter how much I put myself out there. I can’t even drink or do drugs to relax, because it may trigger a psychotic episode. I just don’t know how to pull myself out, when nothing seemingly works for me. I find myself increasingly sympathising with people who can’t handle anything

lurk2 2y ago
Often times when we feel vulnerable we can give too much of ourselves away to other people. This can sometimes lead to feelings of dissatisfaction or resentment in a relationship. Many people will perceive easily available affection as being low-value. It can help to learn how to manage perceptions (e.g. being occasionally unavailable, making ambiguous comments that could be interpreted one way or another, etc), but the more effective method is in cultivating a sense of self-esteem and then just giving affection freely. Some people might still see this affection as low value, but if you are truly loving freely, it becomes its own reward. There are people in my life I have learned to love in spite of any perceived shortcoming, and my natural inclination is to tell them that I love them. This can lead to that affection being taken for granted, but because the mere act of giving affection is rewarding in and of itself, it isn't especially important if things don't work out. > I just don’t know how to pull myself out, when nothing seemingly works for me. I find myself increasingly sympathising with people who can’t handle anything Try to avoid thinking of pulling yourself out of the situation you are in, and focus on simply experience it. With all its unpleasantness, it can't actually reach you.
- purple-leafy 2y ago
  I mean really if that’s how people are, that being affectionate towards them is seen as low value, why the fuck would I bother with people? Why are people so fucking difficult . Why do I bother?
  - lordkrandel 2y ago
    I'm reading your comments, and I care :) 'cause we still got empathy and connection, and it's a gift. Don't believe the American self-built ideology. We are a mass of chimpanzees lost in an ocean of stars! *
  - lurk2 2y ago
    Sometimes we can give people the wrong impression about ourselves, even though there isn't anything fundamentally "wrong" with us. I understand that the idea of needing to manage perceptions to be loved can feel troubling - we want to be loved unconditionally, but feel as though we can only get the love that we want by performing tricks for it like a circus animal. This is why I mentioned the importance of developing the self-esteem to love without restraint. There is a subtle difference between giving love easily out of a desire to be loved in return and giving love freely without any expectation of receiving love in return. But to give love freely you need to have a self-esteem which allows you to not take it personally when the love you give isn't returned in the exact way that you wanted. Your situation has a somewhat paradoxical solution: It is easiest to feel comfortable with ourselves when we feel we are accepted by others, but it is easiest to be accepted by others when we already feel comfortable about ourselves. Many people in this situation end up romanticizing the idea of being rescued from their predicament by a friend or a romantic companion. This is possible, but not probable. The easiest thing is thus to focus on yourself. Imagine you woke up tomorrow and you truly had no one - no family, no friends, not even a stranger to relate your story to. You wouldn't fall over dead. The world wouldn't end. There would still be a "you" living your life. Now imagine you were destitute, crippled, and intellectually handicapped. Life would certainly be difficult, but you would still be alive. You are looking for validation in the external world; but what is worst thing that can happen if you don't find it? I would suggest the answer to that question, at a fundamental level, is "nothing."

lurk2 2y ago

Often times when we feel vulnerable we can give too much of ourselves away to other people. This can sometimes lead to feelings of dissatisfaction or resentment in a relationship. Many people will perceive easily available affection as being low-value. It can help to learn how to manage perceptions (e.g. being occasionally unavailable, making ambiguous comments that could be interpreted one way or another, etc), but the more effective method is in cultivating a sense of self-esteem and then just giving affection freely. Some people might still see this affection as low value, but if you are truly loving freely, it becomes its own reward. There are people in my life I have learned to love in spite of any perceived shortcoming, and my natural inclination is to tell them that I love them. This can lead to that affection being taken for granted, but because the mere act of giving affection is rewarding in and of itself, it isn't especially important if things don't work out. > I just don’t know how to pull myself out, when nothing seemingly works for me. I find myself increasingly sympathising with people who can’t handle anything Try to avoid thinking of pulling yourself out of the situation you are in, and focus on simply experience it. With all its unpleasantness, it can't actually reach you.

purple-leafy 2y ago
I mean really if that’s how people are, that being affectionate towards them is seen as low value, why the fuck would I bother with people? Why are people so fucking difficult . Why do I bother?
- lordkrandel 2y ago
  I'm reading your comments, and I care :) 'cause we still got empathy and connection, and it's a gift. Don't believe the American self-built ideology. We are a mass of chimpanzees lost in an ocean of stars! *
- lurk2 2y ago
  Sometimes we can give people the wrong impression about ourselves, even though there isn't anything fundamentally "wrong" with us. I understand that the idea of needing to manage perceptions to be loved can feel troubling - we want to be loved unconditionally, but feel as though we can only get the love that we want by performing tricks for it like a circus animal. This is why I mentioned the importance of developing the self-esteem to love without restraint. There is a subtle difference between giving love easily out of a desire to be loved in return and giving love freely without any expectation of receiving love in return. But to give love freely you need to have a self-esteem which allows you to not take it personally when the love you give isn't returned in the exact way that you wanted. Your situation has a somewhat paradoxical solution: It is easiest to feel comfortable with ourselves when we feel we are accepted by others, but it is easiest to be accepted by others when we already feel comfortable about ourselves. Many people in this situation end up romanticizing the idea of being rescued from their predicament by a friend or a romantic companion. This is possible, but not probable. The easiest thing is thus to focus on yourself. Imagine you woke up tomorrow and you truly had no one - no family, no friends, not even a stranger to relate your story to. You wouldn't fall over dead. The world wouldn't end. There would still be a "you" living your life. Now imagine you were destitute, crippled, and intellectually handicapped. Life would certainly be difficult, but you would still be alive. You are looking for validation in the external world; but what is worst thing that can happen if you don't find it? I would suggest the answer to that question, at a fundamental level, is "nothing."