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I was taught a similar method of analyzing relationships by observing the direction in which energy flowed. A positive-positive person is someone with whom you

I was taught a similar method of analyzing relationships by observing the direction in which energy flowed. A positive-positive person is someone with whom you invest energy, but you almost always get _more_ energy back from them. A positive-negative person is someone you invest energy in and will often reciprocate to the bare minimum. A negative-negative person is where the person just constantly sucks energy from you and never gives any back. You'll have all three in your life, but you really gotta make sure you have enough positive-positive people to counter-balance the others.

ralferoo 2y ago
You haven't mentioned the negative-positive person who puts effort into the relationship with you but you suck them dry. In truth, it's not quite so straight forward, and in the real world people occupy different roles with different people at different times. Maybe your role with some people is always to build them up, but you need to rely on others to get through things yourself. At any given time, most relationships are pretty one way, but over time things might balance out - maybe your role is always to provide support for someone, but in turn there's someone in your life who does the same for you and overall it balances out in your life. The cynical position is to cut out the relationships you see as draining in your life, and while you absolutely should do that if you don't have the strength to do that and maintain your own wellbeing, even if you aren't directly benefitting from a seemingly one-way relationship, often other people will see how you treat them and want to spend more time with you, even if that relationship is primarily energy flowing to you.
- sepositus 2y ago
  > You haven't mentioned the negative-positive person who puts effort into the relationship with you but you suck them dry. The concept only works when you look at it from one side. If you swap the perspective to the other person, you're the negative-negative person in your example. > In truth, it's not quite so straight forward, and in the real world people occupy different roles with different people at different times. Maybe your role with some people is always to build them up, but you need to rely on others to get through things yourself. At any given time, most relationships are pretty one way, but over time things might balance out - maybe your role is always to provide support for someone, but in turn there's someone in your life who does the same for you and overall it balances out in your life. Yes, like most conceptual frameworks, it has limits and shouldn't be taken literally. However, the framework isn't intended to be used for identifying negative-negative relationships and terminating all of them. It's more for gaining a holistic understanding of how energy is being spent/gained in your relationships so you can better understand why you may be feeling burnt out. > The cynical position is to cut out the relationships you see as draining in your life, and while you absolutely should do that if you don't have the strength to do that and maintain your own wellbeing, even if you aren't directly benefitting from a seemingly one-way relationship, often other people will see how you treat them and want to spend more time with you, even if that relationship is primarily energy flowing to you. I wouldn't classify the negative-negative people as a "bad relationship." In relationships we often choose to spend energy in a way that reflects our own beliefs/worldview. For example, I have several negative-negative relationships in my community work where I know for a fact people are "abusing" my energy. However, I find it a worthy cause to put energy into, and I have enough positive relationships to support it.

ralferoo 2y ago

You haven't mentioned the negative-positive person who puts effort into the relationship with you but you suck them dry. In truth, it's not quite so straight forward, and in the real world people occupy different roles with different people at different times. Maybe your role with some people is always to build them up, but you need to rely on others to get through things yourself. At any given time, most relationships are pretty one way, but over time things might balance out - maybe your role is always to provide support for someone, but in turn there's someone in your life who does the same for you and overall it balances out in your life. The cynical position is to cut out the relationships you see as draining in your life, and while you absolutely should do that if you don't have the strength to do that and maintain your own wellbeing, even if you aren't directly benefitting from a seemingly one-way relationship, often other people will see how you treat them and want to spend more time with you, even if that relationship is primarily energy flowing to you.

sepositus 2y ago
> You haven't mentioned the negative-positive person who puts effort into the relationship with you but you suck them dry. The concept only works when you look at it from one side. If you swap the perspective to the other person, you're the negative-negative person in your example. > In truth, it's not quite so straight forward, and in the real world people occupy different roles with different people at different times. Maybe your role with some people is always to build them up, but you need to rely on others to get through things yourself. At any given time, most relationships are pretty one way, but over time things might balance out - maybe your role is always to provide support for someone, but in turn there's someone in your life who does the same for you and overall it balances out in your life. Yes, like most conceptual frameworks, it has limits and shouldn't be taken literally. However, the framework isn't intended to be used for identifying negative-negative relationships and terminating all of them. It's more for gaining a holistic understanding of how energy is being spent/gained in your relationships so you can better understand why you may be feeling burnt out. > The cynical position is to cut out the relationships you see as draining in your life, and while you absolutely should do that if you don't have the strength to do that and maintain your own wellbeing, even if you aren't directly benefitting from a seemingly one-way relationship, often other people will see how you treat them and want to spend more time with you, even if that relationship is primarily energy flowing to you. I wouldn't classify the negative-negative people as a "bad relationship." In relationships we often choose to spend energy in a way that reflects our own beliefs/worldview. For example, I have several negative-negative relationships in my community work where I know for a fact people are "abusing" my energy. However, I find it a worthy cause to put energy into, and I have enough positive relationships to support it.