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This is from a few years back, but etched in my memory. I am an introvert in social situations. I can present to a room, sorta, and I can manage public speech w

This is from a few years back, but etched in my memory. I am an introvert in social situations. I can present to a room, sorta, and I can manage public speech with some prep, but I just listen when there is a party going on. No talk, no intervention on jokes, just listen. My brain just works too slow to butt in to people's conversation, and over time you get the tag of introvert or whatever. I can understand conversation well, but I need an extra second to respond and that does not fit into most conversations. But then a few years back, we had a sendoff for a colleague, a bunch of us got together, and right across from me, or adjacent, was another colleague who was sci fi fan. We had discussed some series before in office, and this was an opportunity to continue. Bit by bit our conversation went deep, and at one point of time I recall a pointed comment from the host (the person who organized the sendoff), hey what happened to kshacker :) because I think we were talking loud and non-stop. And I realized that too, it was an unusual setup. Since then, I left the team, that dude left the company, so I havent seen him for a few years, this was definitely pre-covid, but this discussion somehow made me think of a 2% moment, if not a 2%er.

msephton 2y ago
Did you consider reaching out to that person and saying hi?
mettamage 2y ago
kshacker, I am just a stranger on HN, but if you haven't already... hit him up for me would you? Why for me? I think you two having another conversation would make the world a more wonderful place as I suspect you 2 will be enjoying each other's conversation. The thought of that makes me happy. > This is from a few years back, but etched in my memory. I am an introvert in social situations. I can present to a room, sorta, and I can manage public speech with some prep, but I just listen when there is a party going on. No talk, no intervention on jokes, just listen. My brain just works too slow to butt in to people's conversation, and over time you get the tag of introvert or whatever. I can understand conversation well, but I need an extra second to respond and that does not fit into most conversations. I have this too. I've trained myself to lower my filter. The unfortunate thing is that when I'm in conversations, I'm a lot dumber than I normally in. The fortunate thing is: I talk to a lot more people now.
- ToDougie 2y ago
  > The unfortunate thing is that when I'm in conversations, I'm a lot dumber than I normally in. That's OK. Everyone takes time finding their groove. There used to be days where I did not engage in any conversation until the afternoon, and so my speech always felt rusty. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm having a chat at 6am, and that sort of thing continues throughout the day. But boy oh boy am I not very interesting to talk to for that first hour. Anyways, I think most extroverts don't really care that someone appears a little jagged in conversation. They simply benefit from having a conversation.
magicalhippo 2y ago
I'm an introvert in that I enjoy my own company a lot, and I get exhausted by social events. I'm also on the spectrum somewhere, as I find it hard to read social queues and such, which often makes me feel really awkward. My sister has a million friends and used to host parties all the time, and invited me often. One day she said "people always love it when you come", and I was a bit surprised by that. I asked how so, and she said "you're so good at making people feel seen". I didn't do it consciously I think, but I realized I would find people who were quiet and start talking to them. If I got the vibe they wanted to be left alone then I'd move on, but most of the time that was not the case. I'd ask about what they studied or worked with, or hobbies, as I do like to discover new things. She since got kids so not so many parties anymore, but I got reminded of this a couple of years ago when I was at a wedding for a family member. We're in Norway and another family member had gotten a US girlfriend who was there. As the evening wore on I went over and started talking. Her work was interesting and in contrast to what I knew from Norway, she lived in Nevada and I'd been to Las Vegas once so we talked about the contrast of that city vs the rest and so on. A couple of hours flew past and we were the last to go. As we were about to leave she gave me a big hug and almost teary eyed said "thank you, you have no idea how good it was to just talk". Again I was surprised, but she told me that she'd been with the groom's family for a week and nobody had really just talked with her besides her boyfriend. So yeah, introvert, socially awkward me at it again it seemed.

msephton 2y ago

Did you consider reaching out to that person and saying hi?

mettamage 2y ago

kshacker, I am just a stranger on HN, but if you haven't already... hit him up for me would you? Why for me? I think you two having another conversation would make the world a more wonderful place as I suspect you 2 will be enjoying each other's conversation. The thought of that makes me happy. > This is from a few years back, but etched in my memory. I am an introvert in social situations. I can present to a room, sorta, and I can manage public speech with some prep, but I just listen when there is a party going on. No talk, no intervention on jokes, just listen. My brain just works too slow to butt in to people's conversation, and over time you get the tag of introvert or whatever. I can understand conversation well, but I need an extra second to respond and that does not fit into most conversations. I have this too. I've trained myself to lower my filter. The unfortunate thing is that when I'm in conversations, I'm a lot dumber than I normally in. The fortunate thing is: I talk to a lot more people now.

ToDougie 2y ago
> The unfortunate thing is that when I'm in conversations, I'm a lot dumber than I normally in. That's OK. Everyone takes time finding their groove. There used to be days where I did not engage in any conversation until the afternoon, and so my speech always felt rusty. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm having a chat at 6am, and that sort of thing continues throughout the day. But boy oh boy am I not very interesting to talk to for that first hour. Anyways, I think most extroverts don't really care that someone appears a little jagged in conversation. They simply benefit from having a conversation.

magicalhippo 2y ago

I'm an introvert in that I enjoy my own company a lot, and I get exhausted by social events. I'm also on the spectrum somewhere, as I find it hard to read social queues and such, which often makes me feel really awkward. My sister has a million friends and used to host parties all the time, and invited me often. One day she said "people always love it when you come", and I was a bit surprised by that. I asked how so, and she said "you're so good at making people feel seen". I didn't do it consciously I think, but I realized I would find people who were quiet and start talking to them. If I got the vibe they wanted to be left alone then I'd move on, but most of the time that was not the case. I'd ask about what they studied or worked with, or hobbies, as I do like to discover new things. She since got kids so not so many parties anymore, but I got reminded of this a couple of years ago when I was at a wedding for a family member. We're in Norway and another family member had gotten a US girlfriend who was there. As the evening wore on I went over and started talking. Her work was interesting and in contrast to what I knew from Norway, she lived in Nevada and I'd been to Las Vegas once so we talked about the contrast of that city vs the rest and so on. A couple of hours flew past and we were the last to go. As we were about to leave she gave me a big hug and almost teary eyed said "thank you, you have no idea how good it was to just talk". Again I was surprised, but she told me that she'd been with the groom's family for a week and nobody had really just talked with her besides her boyfriend. So yeah, introvert, socially awkward me at it again it seemed.