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Oh my... you really need to look around you. The world of relationships is a fucking mess. You speak as if it's super easy. How old are you? 18? If you haven't

by brabel 2y ago

Oh my... you really need to look around you. The world of relationships is a fucking mess. You speak as if it's super easy. How old are you? 18? If you haven't been in a bad relationship or brokenhearted, I can only assume you're in completely unexperienced or one of the luckiest people on Earth. You need to drink a huge amount of reality tea.

scotty79 2y ago
> The world of relationships is a fucking mess. Yeah, I can see that. It's one of the reasons I'm currently abstaining from relationships of this kind. The other is simply because I can, due to having schizoid personality and no specific goals that would require having a relationship. > You speak as if it's super easy. I don't think I explicitly said that but I might have given that impression. While the target might not be realistically achievable for many people in their lifetimes due to something as simple as lack of luck I think it's still worth to point whomever I can in, what I believe is, the correct direction so at least they can adopt the right framework that could enable them to achieve the target if they are lucky enough. > How old are you? 18? I'll be 47 soon. > If you haven't been in a bad relationship or brokenhearted, I can only assume you're in completely unexperienced or one of the luckiest people on Earth. I'm prone to landing in situations that produce incels and as a young person I spent years in this kind of "relationships" (which constitute mostly of being constantly brokenhearted, betrayed and feeling inadequate and powerless) before I actually found (due to sheer luck in timing and match) someone that decided to spend the rest of their life with me and seen what a good relationship might look like and what nourishes it. One relationship I never been in so far was the transactional kind, the one where the labor is expected, the one where labor might give any illusion of contributing positively to the relationship. The ones that most Americans see as a default, desired mode despite of having divorce rate of more than 50% (and that's not counting the ones that fall apart before marriage). So all of your assumptions about me are false unfortunately. If I can recommend something, which I personally also struggle with... When talking to people try to ask more and guess less. Smart people like you and me naturally lean towards guessing because it worked for us in the past across many domains. What I noticed so far is that it's not a great strategy when interacting with people about their personal perceptions and experiences because variety and absurdity of this domain makes us guessing wrong way to often.

by brabel 2y ago

scotty79 2y ago

> The world of relationships is a fucking mess. Yeah, I can see that. It's one of the reasons I'm currently abstaining from relationships of this kind. The other is simply because I can, due to having schizoid personality and no specific goals that would require having a relationship. > You speak as if it's super easy. I don't think I explicitly said that but I might have given that impression. While the target might not be realistically achievable for many people in their lifetimes due to something as simple as lack of luck I think it's still worth to point whomever I can in, what I believe is, the correct direction so at least they can adopt the right framework that could enable them to achieve the target if they are lucky enough. > How old are you? 18? I'll be 47 soon. > If you haven't been in a bad relationship or brokenhearted, I can only assume you're in completely unexperienced or one of the luckiest people on Earth. I'm prone to landing in situations that produce incels and as a young person I spent years in this kind of "relationships" (which constitute mostly of being constantly brokenhearted, betrayed and feeling inadequate and powerless) before I actually found (due to sheer luck in timing and match) someone that decided to spend the rest of their life with me and seen what a good relationship might look like and what nourishes it. One relationship I never been in so far was the transactional kind, the one where the labor is expected, the one where labor might give any illusion of contributing positively to the relationship. The ones that most Americans see as a default, desired mode despite of having divorce rate of more than 50% (and that's not counting the ones that fall apart before marriage). So all of your assumptions about me are false unfortunately. If I can recommend something, which I personally also struggle with... When talking to people try to ask more and guess less. Smart people like you and me naturally lean towards guessing because it worked for us in the past across many domains. What I noticed so far is that it's not a great strategy when interacting with people about their personal perceptions and experiences because variety and absurdity of this domain makes us guessing wrong way to often.