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Do you think your past has perhaps effected your ability to have a solid relationship? I feel like your post is like someone saying: "I'm never playing basketba

Do you think your past has perhaps effected your ability to have a solid relationship? I feel like your post is like someone saying: "I'm never playing basketball again. I have to get new shoes. I have to drive somewhere. I played on a team once and my teammates were assholes. I get tired and sweaty afterwards. I have a lot more time if I don't play basketball". Perhaps basketball could be fun with the right people. I'm not trying to convince you you need a relationship to be happy, but there is a lack of awareness it seems when you say you ar the product of multiple broken relationships and you had a broken relationship of your own and don't connect the dots. I would never want to put my child through what you describe either. There are other options then 3 different step-fathers.

hollywood_court 2y ago
Perhaps. Seeing my mother's inability to keep a spouse certainly doesn't help. And seeing everyone else around me become divorced doesn't help either. All of the fun I had as a young man served as a constant reminder that my marriage was a downgrade from my life as a single man. Being married to someone means that you have to take their baggage and their family's baggage. I grew tired of being the only competent man for five women to rely on. Not only did I have to solve my wife's problems, but I had to solve her mother's problems. And her single-mom sister's issues. And the issues of her two best friends.
- david38 2y ago
  Life as a single man in his 20’s is very different from a single man in his 60’s. Not sure why you thought you had to solve all these other people’s problems, but it seems to be a strong reason why you divorced - unrealistic expectations on you without them taking any accountability for themselves. I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. That said, I refuse to believe this is the large majority. Billions of females in the world, millions of potential matches. The chances that there aren’t many many good ones I can match with are vanishingly small. Granted, the effort in finding them … that’s another story.
  - scarab92 2y ago
    > They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. Sounds worse than individualistic. Perhaps avoidant or narcissistic. This type of behaviour is eventually going to lead to mandatory DNA testing at birth.
  - totallynothoney 2y ago
    >I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. I'm confused, perhaps I'm just having a stroke. You mean her family doesn't see a problem with your ex-Wife cheating and becoming pregnant with her supposedly gay male friend? Or they don't see a problem with your ex-Wife gay friend (female) which is married to another woman, becoming pregnant by a third party.
- njarboe 2y ago
  Being married should mean you get to use her strength and her family's strength. Two working together. Otherwise, yeah, not worth it.

hollywood_court 2y ago

Perhaps. Seeing my mother's inability to keep a spouse certainly doesn't help. And seeing everyone else around me become divorced doesn't help either. All of the fun I had as a young man served as a constant reminder that my marriage was a downgrade from my life as a single man. Being married to someone means that you have to take their baggage and their family's baggage. I grew tired of being the only competent man for five women to rely on. Not only did I have to solve my wife's problems, but I had to solve her mother's problems. And her single-mom sister's issues. And the issues of her two best friends.

david38 2y ago
Life as a single man in his 20’s is very different from a single man in his 60’s. Not sure why you thought you had to solve all these other people’s problems, but it seems to be a strong reason why you divorced - unrealistic expectations on you without them taking any accountability for themselves. I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. That said, I refuse to believe this is the large majority. Billions of females in the world, millions of potential matches. The chances that there aren’t many many good ones I can match with are vanishingly small. Granted, the effort in finding them … that’s another story.
- scarab92 2y ago
  > They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. Sounds worse than individualistic. Perhaps avoidant or narcissistic. This type of behaviour is eventually going to lead to mandatory DNA testing at birth.
- totallynothoney 2y ago
  >I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married. I'm confused, perhaps I'm just having a stroke. You mean her family doesn't see a problem with your ex-Wife cheating and becoming pregnant with her supposedly gay male friend? Or they don't see a problem with your ex-Wife gay friend (female) which is married to another woman, becoming pregnant by a third party.
njarboe 2y ago
Being married should mean you get to use her strength and her family's strength. Two working together. Otherwise, yeah, not worth it.