4 ms·

The last couple of years I have found myself intensely making the same thoughts, constantly measuring life by some invisible standard that is grounded on a hazy

by kgtm 14y ago

The last couple of years I have found myself intensely making the same thoughts, constantly measuring life by some invisible standard that is grounded on a hazy idea of what my potential is. And coming up short. Recently I've been looking around me more. I notice that not everyone has the same stringent criteria of what constitutes success or fulfillment of one's life purpose. They seem happier too. The author states: "I wanted to be doing something greater, something more, that childhood emotional memory was back again, begging for more". I am all for aiming for the sky, putting in the hard work, getting out of the rat race, raising capital, becoming a billionaire, whatever. But then I step back and see the bigger picture; I try to suppress that emotional memory, try to stop being depressed because I am not swinging for the fences as I should (?) be doing. I stop comparing myself to the top 1% that frequents HN. Then I become happy and content. Because I am alive and healthy. Because I don't have to slave away to secure my food. But this only lasts for a tiny bit and I again swiftly swim in my self-perceived ocean of mediocrity. Help?

billswift 14y ago
One critical thing is to make sure you are comparing yourself to an actual, achievable potential; not an impossible fantasy. As the proverb went, It's bad enough comparing yourself to Isaac Newton without comparing yourself to Kimball Kinnison. Eliezar Yudkowsky, http://lesswrong.com/lw/y7/the_super_happy_people_38/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/y7/the_super_happy_people_38/
manmal 14y ago
I have the same feelings, and I suspect it's what makes many people keep reading sites like HN. There are these sentences which you say to yourself as a child - mine was "little boy wants to have everything" (that's what I said, actually, my mother still often tells me :)). My life pretty much resembles that - I have much, I do much (too much?), but I'm still wanting (everything). I think it boils down to the question "What is life for, anyway?". The answer I like best (found it in some book) is "For feeling love and joy, in every moment". Sounds corny, but whenever I follow it, I'm feeling at peace and content. Feeling unsatisfied with what you have is what drives you and the rest of humanity forward, but it's certainly not healthy to remain in this state constantly. I bet in most cases the root cause is a feeling of inferiority, instilled by our parents' believes (which we have adopted) or traumas in childhood. We do great things (or feel bad because we don't do them) to silence this nagging feeling. We ought to be great externally, because we don't feel great internally. We want to prove that we are no failures.
- galfarragem 14y ago
  Good phrases Manmal. Thanks: "I have the same feelings, and I suspect it's what makes many people keep reading sites like HN." Reading HN somehow makes you feel that you still have a chance, that you are still "training" with the best ones and feeling the "market competitors" (that are represented by HN readers). You didn't abandon the game and accepted to be a failure. You are not "competing" with a low rank community that you can find anywhere. Somehow in an unconscious way society around wants you to be a failure, or better they want you behind them, unless they see you as a god that they think that they cannot surpass. "50 years ago - with our skillset (I assume the average HN reader), we would have been heroes in our local communities - teachers, engineers, perhaps inventors. There was so much low-hanging fruit for people with brains." I'm not sure about what i'm going to say now but I think that in every community there is a limited need for people with brains. Few people with brains are enough. The problem is that nowadays there is a tendency to larger but fewer communities, meaning that less people with brains are needed, and to suceed you'll need "super brains". Not great words but I hope you (HN readers) understand the meaning.
thetabyte 14y ago
I know that this may just sound like telling you what you've always heard ("Just be happy!") but I'm going to quote my graduation speech, because in it I tried as hard as I could to express a lesson I learned about happiness. "As I’ve said before, we’ve learned many lessons during our time here, but if there is one I could share with you, it would be the difference between greed and happiness. It is alright to make your own happiness a priority in your life—actually, it’s quite healthy. It’s not greedy to try to make yourself happy. You just have to properly understand the difference. Greed is the acquisition of enjoyment by taking what you do not have. What most people forget, is that when you get whatever it is, you’ll only want more. Greed only begets greed. Happiness is enjoying what you have. Happiness is learning to be content with that which is good about your life. There will always be something you don’t have. There will always be something you could have done better. There will always be things you fail at. Being happy is remembering that despite this, there is still plenty to enjoy in your life. If there’s anything I can ask you to do with your short time on this Earth, it’s to be happy." Further, from a piece of writing I did: "I have seen many people who fail to prioritize their own happiness. I work very closely with someone who does so. They work tirelessly doing something they love, and they are quite good at it. They help countless people, and they do a fantastic job achieving everything they want. But they are miserable. In everything they do, they only see failure. They see what they have not done, and what they did not achieve, and they see the same in the actions of others. Despite their successes, which they readily recognize, they fixate upon that which they did not do. And so, no matter how much they achieve, nor how successful they are, they will always have a reason to be miserable. It’s horrifying. I cannot imagine living my life in this manner. It would be a life without purpose." And so, try to remember, there will always be more. There will always be something you didn't do, or could have done. But focus on what you did do. How you have succeed. Accept it, and enjoy it. There is no greater standard to live up to. Love what you've done, and be happy :)
- swecker 14y ago
  Until now I don't think I have ever thought of the idea that greed could be applied to anything non-materialistic. I fall into the same category as the OP and many others who replied here: I'm in my mid twenties, have all my needs covered, yet feel as if I've been missing out on some greater destiny that has been set for me. My life is good, I have accomplished many things and I can and should be happy about them, but I find myself being "greedy" for more. I find myself looking for happiness in things (experiences and accomplishments in this case) that I don't actually possess rather than just enjoying the things that I do have. Thank you for the insight.
thatusertwo 14y ago
Try to aim for your own goals, not the goals of others.

by kgtm 14y ago

billswift 14y ago

One critical thing is to make sure you are comparing yourself to an actual, achievable potential; not an impossible fantasy. As the proverb went, It's bad enough comparing yourself to Isaac Newton without comparing yourself to Kimball Kinnison. Eliezar Yudkowsky, http://lesswrong.com/lw/y7/the_super_happy_people_38/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/y7/the_super_happy_people_38/

manmal 14y ago

I have the same feelings, and I suspect it's what makes many people keep reading sites like HN. There are these sentences which you say to yourself as a child - mine was "little boy wants to have everything" (that's what I said, actually, my mother still often tells me :)). My life pretty much resembles that - I have much, I do much (too much?), but I'm still wanting (everything). I think it boils down to the question "What is life for, anyway?". The answer I like best (found it in some book) is "For feeling love and joy, in every moment". Sounds corny, but whenever I follow it, I'm feeling at peace and content. Feeling unsatisfied with what you have is what drives you and the rest of humanity forward, but it's certainly not healthy to remain in this state constantly. I bet in most cases the root cause is a feeling of inferiority, instilled by our parents' believes (which we have adopted) or traumas in childhood. We do great things (or feel bad because we don't do them) to silence this nagging feeling. We ought to be great externally, because we don't feel great internally. We want to prove that we are no failures.

galfarragem 14y ago
Good phrases Manmal. Thanks: "I have the same feelings, and I suspect it's what makes many people keep reading sites like HN." Reading HN somehow makes you feel that you still have a chance, that you are still "training" with the best ones and feeling the "market competitors" (that are represented by HN readers). You didn't abandon the game and accepted to be a failure. You are not "competing" with a low rank community that you can find anywhere. Somehow in an unconscious way society around wants you to be a failure, or better they want you behind them, unless they see you as a god that they think that they cannot surpass. "50 years ago - with our skillset (I assume the average HN reader), we would have been heroes in our local communities - teachers, engineers, perhaps inventors. There was so much low-hanging fruit for people with brains." I'm not sure about what i'm going to say now but I think that in every community there is a limited need for people with brains. Few people with brains are enough. The problem is that nowadays there is a tendency to larger but fewer communities, meaning that less people with brains are needed, and to suceed you'll need "super brains". Not great words but I hope you (HN readers) understand the meaning.

thetabyte 14y ago

I know that this may just sound like telling you what you've always heard ("Just be happy!") but I'm going to quote my graduation speech, because in it I tried as hard as I could to express a lesson I learned about happiness. "As I’ve said before, we’ve learned many lessons during our time here, but if there is one I could share with you, it would be the difference between greed and happiness. It is alright to make your own happiness a priority in your life—actually, it’s quite healthy. It’s not greedy to try to make yourself happy. You just have to properly understand the difference. Greed is the acquisition of enjoyment by taking what you do not have. What most people forget, is that when you get whatever it is, you’ll only want more. Greed only begets greed. Happiness is enjoying what you have. Happiness is learning to be content with that which is good about your life. There will always be something you don’t have. There will always be something you could have done better. There will always be things you fail at. Being happy is remembering that despite this, there is still plenty to enjoy in your life. If there’s anything I can ask you to do with your short time on this Earth, it’s to be happy." Further, from a piece of writing I did: "I have seen many people who fail to prioritize their own happiness. I work very closely with someone who does so. They work tirelessly doing something they love, and they are quite good at it. They help countless people, and they do a fantastic job achieving everything they want. But they are miserable. In everything they do, they only see failure. They see what they have not done, and what they did not achieve, and they see the same in the actions of others. Despite their successes, which they readily recognize, they fixate upon that which they did not do. And so, no matter how much they achieve, nor how successful they are, they will always have a reason to be miserable. It’s horrifying. I cannot imagine living my life in this manner. It would be a life without purpose." And so, try to remember, there will always be more. There will always be something you didn't do, or could have done. But focus on what you did do. How you have succeed. Accept it, and enjoy it. There is no greater standard to live up to. Love what you've done, and be happy :)

swecker 14y ago
Until now I don't think I have ever thought of the idea that greed could be applied to anything non-materialistic. I fall into the same category as the OP and many others who replied here: I'm in my mid twenties, have all my needs covered, yet feel as if I've been missing out on some greater destiny that has been set for me. My life is good, I have accomplished many things and I can and should be happy about them, but I find myself being "greedy" for more. I find myself looking for happiness in things (experiences and accomplishments in this case) that I don't actually possess rather than just enjoying the things that I do have. Thank you for the insight.

thatusertwo 14y ago

Try to aim for your own goals, not the goals of others.