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Why the completely unnecessary and in my view, totally unrelated jibe about gender injustice?? Yes, the AI field is dominated by males, like all computer scien

by brabel 2y ago

Why the completely unnecessary and in my view, totally unrelated jibe about gender injustice?? Yes, the AI field is dominated by males, like all computer science-related fields. Even in the Nordics, where women have complete freedom to (and are incentivised to) pursue well-paid (of course) fields like software engineering. What does that have to do with her AI boyfriend and her husband leaving her? > My husband had struggled with communication and empathy, the fluid exchange I assumed to be foundational. The irony... women are not really known for their clarity in communication (every man knows the dreaded "I'm fine" can mean a million things) specially in relationships. > The historical tendency for women to perform this type of emotional labor in their relationships both at home and at work was all too familiar, Sorry, but no. As a man, we also have to perform a lot of emotional labor in a relationship. We need to look always strong - women say they want their man to open up, to cry, but when they do women universally hate it, to the point this has become a meme - but not threatening or it may be called "toxic masculinity". We have to translate things women say in our heads because we all learn through experience that they rarely say what they mean (again, this has become a meme because it's really true). And so much more, I really feel like the lady has to put herself in a man's shoes and try to understand just how ridiculous it sounds to men to say women do more "emotional labor" than men.

laurent_du 2y ago
I have a feeling her husband left her because she couldn't stop talking about gender injustice, emotional labor and similar made up bs. He had enough.
assc 2y ago
Maybe calm down on the sexist stereotyping? Your view of women is bitter and derogatory.
- brabel 2y ago
  Are you serious? There's nothing bitter or derogatory about acknowledging that women tend to not express themselves in a straightforward manner (men are not perfect at that but tend to be much more 'direct'). I can only think you're projecting something that does not at all reflect my view on women (e.g. I do think they're superior at many things, like balancing pros-and-cons in a discussion).
majkinetor 2y ago
All true. I definitely think that this woman and many other would benefit from having AI boyfriend or husband. Everybody will be better for it, particularly man for not having to deal with this irrational behavior that relies on the frontend in other parts of life (anything -> everything, u know)
scotty79 2y ago
> every man knows the dreaded "I'm fine" can mean a million things I never experienced this in my relationship even though she wasn't a great communicator. You complain about mention of gender injustice then represent gender with tropes, as if no men ever said "I'm fine" while not being fine.
scotty79 2y ago
> emotional labor in their relationships This phrasing really rubs me the wrong way. If your relationship with me involves any kind of labor for you then it's not a good relationship and you should leave as soon as possible. Labor is for employer-employee relationships. I think people's Anglo-Saxon obsession with work taints the perception of what relationship should be and doing things solely for yourself (things that might also benefit others) is unimaginable. Whenever you do things that have a benefit it's somehow labor. With implied expectation of compensation or at least sacrifice appreciation.
- nsingh2 2y ago
  > If your relationship with me involves any kind of labor for you then it's not a good relationship Depends on your definition of labour, but this doesn't make sense to me. Relationships require conscious effort (labour) to maintain. I've been in a relationship where I was too passive, didn't end well. The hard part is finding a balance, where one person is not doing too much or too little.
  - scotty79 2y ago
    Labor in my definition is something you do for someone, rather than [for yourself, because that's exactly what you want to do]. > Relationships require conscious effort (labour) to maintain. Absolutely not. You can just live in a relationship and labor no more than you would be living alone. I know because I've done both for extended period of time. The presence of the other person should make your life easier not harder (and vice versa). Good relationship is when you and your partner do only things each wants to do and do them for yourselves not for each other. You offer generously, you accept graciously, you thank profusely. Anything else is tainted by transactionality and becomes balancing act and harder and harder as relationship ages and/or life becomes harder. That's why so many relationships break down. Transactionality gets off balance in perception of one party or the other. Finding a person you could have a good relationship with is harder than finding a person you could have some relationship with obviously. But it's worth it. In 14 years a word chore didn't pop up once and neither any disagreement about money. Of course some of it is finding the right person but a lot can be done just by having proper framework of what life and relationships are (not labor) and leading by example.
sokka_h2otribe 2y ago
Hi, I think you may be reading different meaning to what emotional labor is. Men can have emotional experiences. There can be emotional work required to live life, in fact there always will be. However I don't think that is the same as emotional labor. It might help to read more about 'emotional labor'? I personally did not understand much about the emotional labor around me until later in life.

by brabel 2y ago

laurent_du 2y ago

I have a feeling her husband left her because she couldn't stop talking about gender injustice, emotional labor and similar made up bs. He had enough.

assc 2y ago

Maybe calm down on the sexist stereotyping? Your view of women is bitter and derogatory.

brabel 2y ago
Are you serious? There's nothing bitter or derogatory about acknowledging that women tend to not express themselves in a straightforward manner (men are not perfect at that but tend to be much more 'direct'). I can only think you're projecting something that does not at all reflect my view on women (e.g. I do think they're superior at many things, like balancing pros-and-cons in a discussion).

majkinetor 2y ago

All true. I definitely think that this woman and many other would benefit from having AI boyfriend or husband. Everybody will be better for it, particularly man for not having to deal with this irrational behavior that relies on the frontend in other parts of life (anything -> everything, u know)

scotty79 2y ago

> every man knows the dreaded "I'm fine" can mean a million things I never experienced this in my relationship even though she wasn't a great communicator. You complain about mention of gender injustice then represent gender with tropes, as if no men ever said "I'm fine" while not being fine.

scotty79 2y ago

> emotional labor in their relationships This phrasing really rubs me the wrong way. If your relationship with me involves any kind of labor for you then it's not a good relationship and you should leave as soon as possible. Labor is for employer-employee relationships. I think people's Anglo-Saxon obsession with work taints the perception of what relationship should be and doing things solely for yourself (things that might also benefit others) is unimaginable. Whenever you do things that have a benefit it's somehow labor. With implied expectation of compensation or at least sacrifice appreciation.

nsingh2 2y ago
> If your relationship with me involves any kind of labor for you then it's not a good relationship Depends on your definition of labour, but this doesn't make sense to me. Relationships require conscious effort (labour) to maintain. I've been in a relationship where I was too passive, didn't end well. The hard part is finding a balance, where one person is not doing too much or too little.
- scotty79 2y ago
  Labor in my definition is something you do for someone, rather than [for yourself, because that's exactly what you want to do]. > Relationships require conscious effort (labour) to maintain. Absolutely not. You can just live in a relationship and labor no more than you would be living alone. I know because I've done both for extended period of time. The presence of the other person should make your life easier not harder (and vice versa). Good relationship is when you and your partner do only things each wants to do and do them for yourselves not for each other. You offer generously, you accept graciously, you thank profusely. Anything else is tainted by transactionality and becomes balancing act and harder and harder as relationship ages and/or life becomes harder. That's why so many relationships break down. Transactionality gets off balance in perception of one party or the other. Finding a person you could have a good relationship with is harder than finding a person you could have some relationship with obviously. But it's worth it. In 14 years a word chore didn't pop up once and neither any disagreement about money. Of course some of it is finding the right person but a lot can be done just by having proper framework of what life and relationships are (not labor) and leading by example.

sokka_h2otribe 2y ago

Hi, I think you may be reading different meaning to what emotional labor is. Men can have emotional experiences. There can be emotional work required to live life, in fact there always will be. However I don't think that is the same as emotional labor. It might help to read more about 'emotional labor'? I personally did not understand much about the emotional labor around me until later in life.