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I get to closely watch my nephew being raised. He is about 2.5 years old now. If his parents need to go somewhere, they do this thing where they slip away while

by ksynwa 2y ago

I get to closely watch my nephew being raised. He is about 2.5 years old now. If his parents need to go somewhere, they do this thing where they slip away while someone distracts the child. Really breaks my heart to see this. I can see the convenience factor. But I noticed that when the child is with them, he very often looks over his shoulders when they go out of his view. The kid is really sweet and deserves respect and honesty.

latentcall 2y ago
Can’t they bring him with them sometimes? I have a 9 month old so I don’t get it yet but I would bring my daughter with us most of the time in that situation and just tell her this time it needs to be me and Mom only and she can come next time.
dkarl 2y ago
Honesty is not straightforward at that age. I know someone who grew up in a village and whose parents left her with an aunt to find work in a city when she was three. They explained to her what was happening, but she didn't understand what the city was or the time scales they were talking about. The next day she didn't understand why they were still gone. After a while she decided they had abandoned her and were never coming back. When they came back six months later, she was angry and confused because she thought they were gone forever. The way she remembered it as a child was that she was told nothing. But being older and knowing her parents and her aunt as an adult, she realized that there was no point where the adult with her wasn't telling her exactly what was happening. She just couldn't comprehend it at that age. She didn't understand what a month felt like. She didn't understand that there were distances a thousand times longer than the length of her village. She didn't understand what a city was, or that her parents intended for her to come live with them there if they found good work. It just wasn't possible for her to understand. It didn't matter if she trusted her aunt or not, her parents were supposed to be there, and they were not.
- ksynwa 2y ago
  Well in my scenario the separation is not this extensive. I am talking about when one of them has to go out for work or even to walk the dog for 15 minutes. I get your point that there is no explaining to a child that young what exactly is happening because it is beyond their comprehension. But I think conditioning them to be able to handle goodbyes knowing that the parent will be coming back soon is a good practice.

by ksynwa 2y ago

latentcall 2y ago

Can’t they bring him with them sometimes? I have a 9 month old so I don’t get it yet but I would bring my daughter with us most of the time in that situation and just tell her this time it needs to be me and Mom only and she can come next time.

dkarl 2y ago

Honesty is not straightforward at that age. I know someone who grew up in a village and whose parents left her with an aunt to find work in a city when she was three. They explained to her what was happening, but she didn't understand what the city was or the time scales they were talking about. The next day she didn't understand why they were still gone. After a while she decided they had abandoned her and were never coming back. When they came back six months later, she was angry and confused because she thought they were gone forever. The way she remembered it as a child was that she was told nothing. But being older and knowing her parents and her aunt as an adult, she realized that there was no point where the adult with her wasn't telling her exactly what was happening. She just couldn't comprehend it at that age. She didn't understand what a month felt like. She didn't understand that there were distances a thousand times longer than the length of her village. She didn't understand what a city was, or that her parents intended for her to come live with them there if they found good work. It just wasn't possible for her to understand. It didn't matter if she trusted her aunt or not, her parents were supposed to be there, and they were not.

ksynwa 2y ago
Well in my scenario the separation is not this extensive. I am talking about when one of them has to go out for work or even to walk the dog for 15 minutes. I get your point that there is no explaining to a child that young what exactly is happening because it is beyond their comprehension. But I think conditioning them to be able to handle goodbyes knowing that the parent will be coming back soon is a good practice.