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> many women won't end up liking anyone. The implication being that the 60th percentile women who don't like 60th percentile men would have liked 95th percenti

> many women won't end up liking anyone. The implication being that the 60th percentile women who don't like 60th percentile men would have liked 95th percentile men. But that's useless, because finding matches for those men was never your problem to begin with. And those men are also going to match with 95th percentile women and then choose them over the 60th percentile women anyway unless they're only looking for a hookup, so you're neither solving any problem for the platform nor any problem for the women. > You have to be able to give women their "dream man" to retain them. That's just a charade. The 60th percentile women on average can't actually land the 95th percentile men, but if you show them all the 95th percentile men then it reduces the rate at which they like the men they could actually land, which frustrates both the men and the women, because they're both looking for real matches that could actually go somewhere. > showing a 60 percentile woman, men that around 60 percentile is a sure way to drive women away from your app If you show them 95th percentile men then they like them but so do most other women, and then the men in that group will either not reply to most of them or will reply to all of them intending to ghost them after having sex or cheat on them, which... is a sure way to drive women away from your app.

eloisius 2y ago
> And those men are also going to match with 95th percentile women and then choose them over the 60th percentile women anyway unless they're only looking for a hookup That’s exactly what happens. Those guys have plenty of hookup opportunities, and the women have the mirage of being able to get any guy, just for some reason all these jerks only want sex, but somehow someday one will stick
- AnthonyMouse 2y ago
  Which is why you need to take away the mirage so they stop chasing it and go find actual water. Having them leave the app isn't any worse than having them never like anyone they could actually land. Having the ones with impossible standards go malign your competitors could even be to your advantage, because then the competing apps get a higher proportion of the women who never reply, whereas the thing you need to make your app work is to have the women who do reply.
  - eloisius 2y ago
    Yeah I guess. If we could get Trump to nuke Tinder or something I don’t know that I’d loudly oppose it. It would be better for all of us for that mirage to go away, but the fact is women choose it. They do land the guy occasionally. Only it turns into a situationship, hot-cold, disappearing and coming back later, the illusion of him just slipping through her grasp (even if there was no chance at a real relationship from the start). I’ve watched as female friends have gone through it over and over. You wanna say something, but at the same time, we all have our delusions, and it’s especially hard to be real with yourself when an addictive slot machine makes money from your remaining deluded.
  - naijaboiler 2y ago
    if women left the app, guys would leave. possibility of connecting with women is what's being sold to paying customers on dating apps. Without ladies, the men leaves and the app dies.
    - AnthonyMouse 2y ago
      It isn't all women who leave, it's the ones who refuse to have anything to do with men in the same percentile as they are themselves. And you couldn't sell that to men anyway.
      - naijaboiler 2y ago
        less women overall, worse experience for guys, paying customers leave. App dies. Its a vicious cycle. A dating app, commercially has no reason to chase women off. A woman who is present and only occasionally swipes is very very commercially viable.
        AnthonyMouse 2y ago
        Your premise is that this would chase women off. Let's consider their experience. Under the status quo, they get shown 100 guys and like five of them. Four are above the 95th percentile and two of those never even reply. The other two are players. The fifth was at the same percentile as the woman and is the only interaction we're trying to preserve because it's the only one of any genuine value to either her or him. He also replies, so she gets three replies, but the two players are hotter so her first two dates are with them. They both suck and one is so sleazy it turns her off the app before she even goes on the third date that might have been good, and she's gone. And if she's not gone yet then she matches with another player before she goes on a date with the third guy, so even if she goes on the date she's already written him off because she's got a date with another philandering Ken doll the day after. Now suppose you don't show her those guys. She doesn't like as many people at first -- only three or four instead of five. But they're all in the same percentile as she is, they all reply, none of them are players, and she goes on dates she actually enjoys. She's now going to be on this app until she enters a committed relationship with someone instead of quitting after two bad dates.

eloisius 2y ago

> And those men are also going to match with 95th percentile women and then choose them over the 60th percentile women anyway unless they're only looking for a hookup That’s exactly what happens. Those guys have plenty of hookup opportunities, and the women have the mirage of being able to get any guy, just for some reason all these jerks only want sex, but somehow someday one will stick

AnthonyMouse 2y ago
Which is why you need to take away the mirage so they stop chasing it and go find actual water. Having them leave the app isn't any worse than having them never like anyone they could actually land. Having the ones with impossible standards go malign your competitors could even be to your advantage, because then the competing apps get a higher proportion of the women who never reply, whereas the thing you need to make your app work is to have the women who do reply.
- eloisius 2y ago
  Yeah I guess. If we could get Trump to nuke Tinder or something I don’t know that I’d loudly oppose it. It would be better for all of us for that mirage to go away, but the fact is women choose it. They do land the guy occasionally. Only it turns into a situationship, hot-cold, disappearing and coming back later, the illusion of him just slipping through her grasp (even if there was no chance at a real relationship from the start). I’ve watched as female friends have gone through it over and over. You wanna say something, but at the same time, we all have our delusions, and it’s especially hard to be real with yourself when an addictive slot machine makes money from your remaining deluded.
- naijaboiler 2y ago
  if women left the app, guys would leave. possibility of connecting with women is what's being sold to paying customers on dating apps. Without ladies, the men leaves and the app dies.
  - AnthonyMouse 2y ago
    It isn't all women who leave, it's the ones who refuse to have anything to do with men in the same percentile as they are themselves. And you couldn't sell that to men anyway.
    - naijaboiler 2y ago
      less women overall, worse experience for guys, paying customers leave. App dies. Its a vicious cycle. A dating app, commercially has no reason to chase women off. A woman who is present and only occasionally swipes is very very commercially viable.
      - AnthonyMouse 2y ago
        Your premise is that this would chase women off. Let's consider their experience. Under the status quo, they get shown 100 guys and like five of them. Four are above the 95th percentile and two of those never even reply. The other two are players. The fifth was at the same percentile as the woman and is the only interaction we're trying to preserve because it's the only one of any genuine value to either her or him. He also replies, so she gets three replies, but the two players are hotter so her first two dates are with them. They both suck and one is so sleazy it turns her off the app before she even goes on the third date that might have been good, and she's gone. And if she's not gone yet then she matches with another player before she goes on a date with the third guy, so even if she goes on the date she's already written him off because she's got a date with another philandering Ken doll the day after. Now suppose you don't show her those guys. She doesn't like as many people at first -- only three or four instead of five. But they're all in the same percentile as she is, they all reply, none of them are players, and she goes on dates she actually enjoys. She's now going to be on this app until she enters a committed relationship with someone instead of quitting after two bad dates.