> I don’t need to point out that kin work is hard: we all know it is. But sometimes we forget that it also has a purpose beyond servicing the endless merry-go-r

> I don’t need to point out that kin work is hard: we all know it is. But sometimes we forget that it also has a purpose beyond servicing the endless merry-go-round of heightened expectations. Kinwork is to humans what foraging for food or building a shelter is. Humans have always known we cannot survive alone, and that to protect ourselves, we need to persuade others to care about us....These ties can have powerful feelings attached, but ultimately, they are about our collective survival....The necessity of cultivating kin networks becomes even more obvious when children are born. Although there's a lot going on in this article, the above passage is particularly interesting. When two people form romantic connections and commitments they rarely, if ever, share the same standards-of-care/needs/expectations for how their relationship will proceed. This includes how any rituals surrounding holidays, kids, and extended family should proceed. Sometimes one partner expects/wants/needs a big gathering for Thanksgiving where the other doesn't want to celebrate it at all. Sometimes one partner strongly desires to have a "family photo" for end of year holidays to share with family or friends where the other partner does not. These may include expectation differences for physical intimacy, emotional support, etc. Without explicit communication, understanding, and agreement (where necessary), relationships and people suffer. Back to the above quote: reasonable people can disagree as to what's required to cultivate "kin relationships" and the degree to which those relationships are important. If there's disagreement or unhappiness with a status quo, then that needs to be communicated. If one party feels communication is difficult/unproductive/etc. then that issue should be dealt with first.