5 ms·

I must disagree with this very strongly; this attitude of "the problem isn't me, the problem is other people" is exceedingly harmful. You cannot blame others f

by o11c 2y ago

I must disagree with this very strongly; this attitude of "the problem isn't me, the problem is other people" is exceedingly harmful. You cannot blame others for their (alleged) inflexibility when you yourself are incapable of flexibility. Consider: you fly to the UK and try to drive on the right side of the road like you always have. Do you have the right to blame everyone for driving toward you? Or should you adapt and drive on the left side of the road for once? Yes, the rule is arbitrary, but that doesn't make it valueless.

Viliam1234 2y ago
> Yes, the rule is arbitrary, but that doesn't make it valueless. We need to distinguish between the rules that make sense (everyone driving on the same side of the road) and those that don't (everyone writing using the same hand). Often the existence of the former is used as an excuse for the latter.
- o11c 2y ago
  The problem is that very often people can't distinguish ... or perhaps, refuse to acknowledge the importance of the particular rules they are personally inclined to reject.
WarOnPrivacy 2y ago
> "the problem isn't me, the problem is other people" is exceedingly harmful. I can still work with it though. I recognize that I can't fix their flaws and the power I have is to adapt. Recognizing flaws in others was gateway thinking for me. It lead to me seeking and finding flaw-groups that I'm a member of. That led to me seeking reasonable causes for mass flaws. And that led me to a small group of causes. They center around individual capacity (everyone is doing ~the best they can) and reactions to feelings of helplessness (the other end of a bad behavior chain). FF to now. I'm considering a unified flaw that seems to hobble every group eventually. No one anywhere wants to clean their own house Thank you and I hope you enjoyed this tour.
93po 2y ago
People who can't walk would struggle a lot in a world where society didn't make accommodations for them to enter buildings, use restrooms, etc. The problem is that society is decently good at accommodating the very visible and tangible, but terrible at accommodating anything they don't understand. ADHD is hard to understand for most people and therefore they have no interesting in flexibility in the way they do for things they do understand. Going through the treadmill of school followed by a career that all require strict schedules, punctuality, meetings, note-taking, difficult conversations, social norms, and hard focus-heavy work is really difficult for people with untreated ADHD. It's all extremely hard for me, and it's doubly hard because if I don't do this I will literally be homeless and starve and have no healthcare, and there's not a single employer or coworker that has ever given two shits about how hard this may be for me, and in fact some of them have actively punished me for vulnerability around this
- o11c 2y ago
  You don't see people who can't walk saying "there's nothing wrong with me." I'm not saying society can't or shouldn't adapt to neurodivergent people, but it is absolutely necessary for all such adaptations to be made with the understanding "this is a problem with the individual, but we have the good will to make life easier for them anyway."
  - 93po 2y ago
    it's only a problem because the neurotypical vastly outnumber the neurodivergent. if most people couldn't walk, the world could be difficult for people who can. it doesn't make one group "correct", it just means the world is shaped better for them
Rzor 2y ago
So the dude goes on and on about how his upbringing set him up for some misery and all you have to say is that he's a hypocrite and should suck it up and move on. Nice.

by o11c 2y ago

Viliam1234 2y ago

> Yes, the rule is arbitrary, but that doesn't make it valueless. We need to distinguish between the rules that make sense (everyone driving on the same side of the road) and those that don't (everyone writing using the same hand). Often the existence of the former is used as an excuse for the latter.

o11c 2y ago
The problem is that very often people can't distinguish ... or perhaps, refuse to acknowledge the importance of the particular rules they are personally inclined to reject.

WarOnPrivacy 2y ago

> "the problem isn't me, the problem is other people" is exceedingly harmful. I can still work with it though. I recognize that I can't fix their flaws and the power I have is to adapt. Recognizing flaws in others was gateway thinking for me. It lead to me seeking and finding flaw-groups that I'm a member of. That led to me seeking reasonable causes for mass flaws. And that led me to a small group of causes. They center around individual capacity (everyone is doing ~the best they can) and reactions to feelings of helplessness (the other end of a bad behavior chain). FF to now. I'm considering a unified flaw that seems to hobble every group eventually. No one anywhere wants to clean their own house Thank you and I hope you enjoyed this tour.

93po 2y ago

People who can't walk would struggle a lot in a world where society didn't make accommodations for them to enter buildings, use restrooms, etc. The problem is that society is decently good at accommodating the very visible and tangible, but terrible at accommodating anything they don't understand. ADHD is hard to understand for most people and therefore they have no interesting in flexibility in the way they do for things they do understand. Going through the treadmill of school followed by a career that all require strict schedules, punctuality, meetings, note-taking, difficult conversations, social norms, and hard focus-heavy work is really difficult for people with untreated ADHD. It's all extremely hard for me, and it's doubly hard because if I don't do this I will literally be homeless and starve and have no healthcare, and there's not a single employer or coworker that has ever given two shits about how hard this may be for me, and in fact some of them have actively punished me for vulnerability around this

o11c 2y ago
You don't see people who can't walk saying "there's nothing wrong with me." I'm not saying society can't or shouldn't adapt to neurodivergent people, but it is absolutely necessary for all such adaptations to be made with the understanding "this is a problem with the individual, but we have the good will to make life easier for them anyway."
- 93po 2y ago
  it's only a problem because the neurotypical vastly outnumber the neurodivergent. if most people couldn't walk, the world could be difficult for people who can. it doesn't make one group "correct", it just means the world is shaped better for them

Rzor 2y ago

So the dude goes on and on about how his upbringing set him up for some misery and all you have to say is that he's a hypocrite and should suck it up and move on. Nice.