3 ms·

There are alternate explanations here. Men do not put as much effort into their presentation as women do. Men are putting out profiles that show themselves as a

There are alternate explanations here. Men do not put as much effort into their presentation as women do. Men are putting out profiles that show themselves as anti-woman, and that's unattractive. Men absolutely should be pickier - they would honestly only date people compatible with them, but try to cast the widest net rather than finding people they could vibe with. Men in the dating pool have become toxic, and women are doing their best to weed those out. Don't be toxic. Don't endorse people who are looking to make women's lives worse. Put effort into your presentation in your profile pictures - have a woman friend take them. Put effort into your profile to show that you are not someone who would endanger women - have other women in your life help you present your profile. (That probably means don't have a fishing photo, even if you enjoy fishing!) Much of this is predicated on having women in your life that you trust and that trust you, and who want to see you happy. This means listening to them and trusting them. And then, you might be a little pickier in your profile too.

miningape 2y ago
No matter how much polishing a man does to his appearance / profile the biological reality is that women are sought after and men have to compete for their attention. There's some statistic along the lines of "the average female has about as much 'pull' as a male A list celebrity" This means that women will receive far more attention from the opposite sex, and therefore have an "easier" time finding potential partners. This problem is just exacerbated by dating apps and social media making women more aware of their position and options - 100 years ago women could barely date outside their village. Nowadays they receive 100s of messages from men around the world competing for her attention. The opposite happens to men, they become more aware of how "undesired" they are so they start casting a wider net since no fish are caught in their smaller nets. Blaming the men here just reeks of those toxic standards - since again it is on the men to improve. Not the women who should continue being hyper selective (most attractive, wealthy, etc.). (Note I'm not blaming any side just showing the reality men face - really this is a problem both sexes need to tackle) "easier" is in quotes because I appreciate women have to filter out abusers and creeps. But from the male perspective they'd kill to even have a chance with an abuser or creep.
- bloomingkales 2y ago
  Is it so hard to believe that going onto a digital marketplace with an order of magnitude more humans than you would ever physically deal with physically is probably what's leading to a type of thalassophobia (the fear of deep or vast bodies of water)? Life is simple. He or she lived in the town, or your school, or was someone you pass by on the way to work daily. It's not some complicated digital dance where the universe presents to you all possible mates. Date the person you wouldn't. Give it a chance, because you just don't know how this love stuff happens.
  - miningape 2y ago
    Completely agree - on top of the thalassophobia there’s also decision paralysis, and I’m not sure what you call it but: When you reject the good in hopes for something perfect down the line.
  - ebiester 2y ago
    So, if a man has a bad experience, they're out a few hundred bucks and a few hours, in general. Ask a woman who trusts you about their worst experiences sometime.
    - bloomingkales 2y ago
      Safety is super important and I share your concern. I think online dating is similar to the internet. When the Internet started, there was a niche group that were really into it (early adopters). This was also true for dating apps in their infancy. It was safer simply because the pool was self selected (you had to be open minded to even try it). Then the internet became for everyone and so did online dating. When there's that many people involved, things get more unsafe. It's not the same pool of early adopters on the same wavelength. It's everyone now, and everyone includes every wave length. Stay safe!
- KittenInABox 2y ago
  In my experience women are not statistically hyper selective. The less selective women are just out of the dating pool faster than the hyper selective ones. A lot of the women I know are happy to marry a man who grooms himself, respects basic boundaries, and has income. A lot of religious women in particular are socially pressured to drop the "respects boundaries" category also.
throw_pm23 2y ago
> (That probably means don't have a fishing photo, even if you enjoy fishing!) not a good start to a relationship :)
codr7 2y ago
Or don't, leave the games to the fucking morons and get a life.

miningape 2y ago

No matter how much polishing a man does to his appearance / profile the biological reality is that women are sought after and men have to compete for their attention. There's some statistic along the lines of "the average female has about as much 'pull' as a male A list celebrity" This means that women will receive far more attention from the opposite sex, and therefore have an "easier" time finding potential partners. This problem is just exacerbated by dating apps and social media making women more aware of their position and options - 100 years ago women could barely date outside their village. Nowadays they receive 100s of messages from men around the world competing for her attention. The opposite happens to men, they become more aware of how "undesired" they are so they start casting a wider net since no fish are caught in their smaller nets. Blaming the men here just reeks of those toxic standards - since again it is on the men to improve. Not the women who should continue being hyper selective (most attractive, wealthy, etc.). (Note I'm not blaming any side just showing the reality men face - really this is a problem both sexes need to tackle) "easier" is in quotes because I appreciate women have to filter out abusers and creeps. But from the male perspective they'd kill to even have a chance with an abuser or creep.

bloomingkales 2y ago
Is it so hard to believe that going onto a digital marketplace with an order of magnitude more humans than you would ever physically deal with physically is probably what's leading to a type of thalassophobia (the fear of deep or vast bodies of water)? Life is simple. He or she lived in the town, or your school, or was someone you pass by on the way to work daily. It's not some complicated digital dance where the universe presents to you all possible mates. Date the person you wouldn't. Give it a chance, because you just don't know how this love stuff happens.
- miningape 2y ago
  Completely agree - on top of the thalassophobia there’s also decision paralysis, and I’m not sure what you call it but: When you reject the good in hopes for something perfect down the line.
- ebiester 2y ago
  So, if a man has a bad experience, they're out a few hundred bucks and a few hours, in general. Ask a woman who trusts you about their worst experiences sometime.
  - bloomingkales 2y ago
    Safety is super important and I share your concern. I think online dating is similar to the internet. When the Internet started, there was a niche group that were really into it (early adopters). This was also true for dating apps in their infancy. It was safer simply because the pool was self selected (you had to be open minded to even try it). Then the internet became for everyone and so did online dating. When there's that many people involved, things get more unsafe. It's not the same pool of early adopters on the same wavelength. It's everyone now, and everyone includes every wave length. Stay safe!
KittenInABox 2y ago
In my experience women are not statistically hyper selective. The less selective women are just out of the dating pool faster than the hyper selective ones. A lot of the women I know are happy to marry a man who grooms himself, respects basic boundaries, and has income. A lot of religious women in particular are socially pressured to drop the "respects boundaries" category also.

throw_pm23 2y ago

> (That probably means don't have a fishing photo, even if you enjoy fishing!) not a good start to a relationship :)

codr7 2y ago

Or don't, leave the games to the fucking morons and get a life.