4 ms·
A lot of men are terrified of the idea of not seeming masculine enough- and what it would mean for them romantically, socially, and professionally- which is why
by _yb2s 2y ago
A lot of men are terrified of the idea of not seeming masculine enough- and what it would mean for them romantically, socially, and professionally- which is why this is appealing as an idea.
Supposed “alpha behaviors” are seemingly identical to toddler behaviors to me. I think it’s ironically non-masculine to be so terrified of how you appear that you play act as basically a belligerent child incapable of compromise, teamwork, or navigating disagreements with dignity instead of being yourself.
The ancient stoics had a much healthier, and more useful idea of masculinity IMO- that still lets you be strong and not pushed around by others inappropriately.
- InsideOutSanta 2y agoYes. It always struck me as incredibly insecure to make thinking of how one appears to others one's whole identity.
- adamanonymous 2y agoIt's like up-badging a car. Most people won't care about it. Those who are knowledgeable about it will see through it. And those who actually do care about superficial things like that are probably not the kind of people whose respect should matter to you
- mattgreenrocks 2y agoIt is narcissistic at its core. If you had a healthy sense of self, you wouldn’t need to constantly be monitoring how others perceive you, and trying to manage that.
- _yb2s 2y agoYes, that is absolutely the case, and while Narcissism appears strong and confident from the outside, it's really driven by massive amounts of anxiety and terror over not appearing good enough. Narcissism is really an awful disability caused by trauma that leads to a lot of suffering, not something impressive and powerful. This is why I suggested stoicism (and modern therapy methods based on it like ACT and CBT) as a practical alternative that fulfills the same emotional need in a mentally healthier, and more responsible way. It essentially flips this around entirely, and says the only thing that really matters is how you perceive yourself, e.g. knowing you are acting according to your own goals and values. You can only control how you act and perceive things, not what others think about you, and there is no value or point in worrying about things outside your control. Instead of trying to "look strong" you can actually just be strong- and stand by your convictions and values.
- mattgreenrocks 2y agoNeeding to always be dominant is just another weakness that opens you to being manipulated. Agree on the stoicism point. Inner strength is just as important as external strength.