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“don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. > the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few.

“don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. > the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few. Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point.

Clubber 2y ago
I second this. Everyone should strive to be somewhat physically fit, dress well and eat well. It's a huge psychological boost. Like Deon used to say, "look good, feel good, play good." Walking 30 minutes a day in the outdoors when permissible gives me huge mood improvements. I can definitely feel the difference on the days when I don't walk. Buy some button down collar shirts, shower when you leave the house, get a decent haircut, simple stuff. Makes a world of difference on how you are perceived and therefore treated as well.
anal_reactor 2y ago
> “don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. Half of the population needs to be below median. No matter how you rearrange things, you can't escape this basic fact. This means that if all women get a boob job, we won't be living in a world of beautiful women, but rather the expected boob size will go up. It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics. > Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point. I think we're talking about two different problems here. I don't have issues getting people to like me, I have issues liking them back.
- meiraleal 2y ago
  > It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics You are misunderstanding attractiveness. We could get to a situation where 100% of men are unattractive to women, actually, some places are very close. Men find much more than 50% of women attractive while women think a much smaller % of men are an eligible partner. There is no median involved in sexual attraction.
- dinkumthinkum 2y ago
  You're trying to find nerdy ways to maintain hopelessness or something. Attractiveness is not a relative scale, if the entire population became more attractive, the "median" would more attractive .... but I hate to even engage in this overly nerdish reasoning. You're making it seem like you have an intellectually superior position by saying "It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics", but I don't think your position would stand-up to a purely logical analysis as much as you think. The fact is, you can improve yourself and it has benefits so don't be so invested in saying its not true, energy is probably better directed the other way. I
  - anal_reactor 2y ago
    > Attractiveness is not a relative scale It is.
    - cutemonster 2y ago
      I think you're both right, Look here: 100 men and 100 women in their thirties in a small town. The men don't work out and don't study and learn new things. Then a day they all start working out at the gym, cut their hair properly and spend time learning new things, getting more well paid remote jobs. This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) Before, some of the women were singles because they couldn't find any attractive men. After, they had many attractive men to choose between, although 50% of the men are still below average among the men in that town. But the men as a group, improved compared to the women in the town.
      - anal_reactor 2y ago
        > This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) The problem is, in real life we're observing exactly the opposite. The most developed societies where people are the most educated, self-aware, hygienic, etc. are also the societies where loneliness is on the rise. I'd like to point to an analogy: some years ago, getting a college degree was sure way to secure a successful career. Many people rushed to get themselves educated. Did all these people get the jobs they expected? No, simply the bar went up, and now you need a Master's degree to flip burgers

Clubber 2y ago

I second this. Everyone should strive to be somewhat physically fit, dress well and eat well. It's a huge psychological boost. Like Deon used to say, "look good, feel good, play good." Walking 30 minutes a day in the outdoors when permissible gives me huge mood improvements. I can definitely feel the difference on the days when I don't walk. Buy some button down collar shirts, shower when you leave the house, get a decent haircut, simple stuff. Makes a world of difference on how you are perceived and therefore treated as well.

anal_reactor 2y ago

> “don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. Half of the population needs to be below median. No matter how you rearrange things, you can't escape this basic fact. This means that if all women get a boob job, we won't be living in a world of beautiful women, but rather the expected boob size will go up. It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics. > Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point. I think we're talking about two different problems here. I don't have issues getting people to like me, I have issues liking them back.

meiraleal 2y ago
> It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics You are misunderstanding attractiveness. We could get to a situation where 100% of men are unattractive to women, actually, some places are very close. Men find much more than 50% of women attractive while women think a much smaller % of men are an eligible partner. There is no median involved in sexual attraction.
dinkumthinkum 2y ago
You're trying to find nerdy ways to maintain hopelessness or something. Attractiveness is not a relative scale, if the entire population became more attractive, the "median" would more attractive .... but I hate to even engage in this overly nerdish reasoning. You're making it seem like you have an intellectually superior position by saying "It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics", but I don't think your position would stand-up to a purely logical analysis as much as you think. The fact is, you can improve yourself and it has benefits so don't be so invested in saying its not true, energy is probably better directed the other way. I
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  > Attractiveness is not a relative scale It is.
  - cutemonster 2y ago
    I think you're both right, Look here: 100 men and 100 women in their thirties in a small town. The men don't work out and don't study and learn new things. Then a day they all start working out at the gym, cut their hair properly and spend time learning new things, getting more well paid remote jobs. This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) Before, some of the women were singles because they couldn't find any attractive men. After, they had many attractive men to choose between, although 50% of the men are still below average among the men in that town. But the men as a group, improved compared to the women in the town.
    - anal_reactor 2y ago
      > This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) The problem is, in real life we're observing exactly the opposite. The most developed societies where people are the most educated, self-aware, hygienic, etc. are also the societies where loneliness is on the rise. I'd like to point to an analogy: some years ago, getting a college degree was sure way to secure a successful career. Many people rushed to get themselves educated. Did all these people get the jobs they expected? No, simply the bar went up, and now you need a Master's degree to flip burgers