4 ms·

A lot of advice shown here isn't really actionable, and is a more sophisticated version of "get born in a developed country, don't be unattractive". Of course I

A lot of advice shown here isn't really actionable, and is a more sophisticated version of "get born in a developed country, don't be unattractive". Of course I'd like to have a job I love, the problem is that such jobs are extremely difficult to find. Of course I'd like to focus on building relationships with people, the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few. Of course I'd like to focus on important things in life, the problem is, life is inherently pointless, so there's no objective way of telling what is important and what is not.

meiraleal 2y ago
“don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. > the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few. Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point.
- Clubber 2y ago
  I second this. Everyone should strive to be somewhat physically fit, dress well and eat well. It's a huge psychological boost. Like Deon used to say, "look good, feel good, play good." Walking 30 minutes a day in the outdoors when permissible gives me huge mood improvements. I can definitely feel the difference on the days when I don't walk. Buy some button down collar shirts, shower when you leave the house, get a decent haircut, simple stuff. Makes a world of difference on how you are perceived and therefore treated as well.
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  > “don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. Half of the population needs to be below median. No matter how you rearrange things, you can't escape this basic fact. This means that if all women get a boob job, we won't be living in a world of beautiful women, but rather the expected boob size will go up. It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics. > Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point. I think we're talking about two different problems here. I don't have issues getting people to like me, I have issues liking them back.
  - meiraleal 2y ago
    > It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics You are misunderstanding attractiveness. We could get to a situation where 100% of men are unattractive to women, actually, some places are very close. Men find much more than 50% of women attractive while women think a much smaller % of men are an eligible partner. There is no median involved in sexual attraction.
  - dinkumthinkum 2y ago
    You're trying to find nerdy ways to maintain hopelessness or something. Attractiveness is not a relative scale, if the entire population became more attractive, the "median" would more attractive .... but I hate to even engage in this overly nerdish reasoning. You're making it seem like you have an intellectually superior position by saying "It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics", but I don't think your position would stand-up to a purely logical analysis as much as you think. The fact is, you can improve yourself and it has benefits so don't be so invested in saying its not true, energy is probably better directed the other way. I
    - anal_reactor 2y ago
      > Attractiveness is not a relative scale It is.
      - cutemonster 2y ago
        I think you're both right, Look here: 100 men and 100 women in their thirties in a small town. The men don't work out and don't study and learn new things. Then a day they all start working out at the gym, cut their hair properly and spend time learning new things, getting more well paid remote jobs. This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) Before, some of the women were singles because they couldn't find any attractive men. After, they had many attractive men to choose between, although 50% of the men are still below average among the men in that town. But the men as a group, improved compared to the women in the town.
mynameishere 2y ago
[dead]
OldGuyInTheClub 2y ago
Well said. I tried and bailed on LinkedIn about ten years ago because so much was forced happy-talk like this article. I think this author is writing earnestly but there is a load of pressure on everyone to think and speak this way even though it makes zero sense for their specific cases. I think it may be called "toxic positivism" in that context.
- medhir 2y ago
  I really want to get off LinkedIn for this same reason. The happy-speak is so nauseating. The only reason I stay on is so recruiters can find me, but would be great to hear more of your experience in the job market without it.
  - OldGuyInTheClub 2y ago
    Pretty bad, overall. I got diddlysquat out of LinkedIn when I was job hunting 10+ years ago but then I got nothing out of my other leads, either. I was old back then and older now so I am staying at my employer until I'm fired, retired, or expired. LI may be required these days to get anywhere, I just adjusted my travel plans so I didn't need to deal with its BS or the general Talent Acq/HR gauntlet required to get past square one. Probably not helpful to you but there it is...
dinkumthinkum 2y ago
I mean this in a respectful way so it's not personal or anything as it might sound. Isn't this kind of a loser mindset, though? It's a mentality of making excuses and our culture has made that a fashionable thing but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)? Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point.
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  > Isn't this kind of a loser mindset, though? Yes, what's wrong with that? Life is miserable for vast majority of people. That's the harsh truth. > but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)? Well, it's true that you can only get anything in life by working for it, but doing so isn't exclusive with admitting that the game is rigged. I'm not saying to just give up and do nothing, I just don't like the attitude that everything is possible, thus every failure is the individual's fault, and it's never simply external factors at play. For example, I got a good job because I worked hard for it and I happened to graduate exactly during software craze. Someone a few years younger doesn't have the same opportunities despite putting the same amount of hard work. To the same tune, I don't have a very active social life because at some point I lost some lottery and I can't magically change that no matter how much I effort I put. When I was born, I received some privileges, but also some unfair limitations, and that's how we roll. > Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point. For thousands of years people way smarter than us were trying to find the point of life, and still cannot agree on anything, so I think that saying that life is pointless is at least useful for practical purposes.

meiraleal 2y ago

“don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. > the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few. Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point.

Clubber 2y ago
I second this. Everyone should strive to be somewhat physically fit, dress well and eat well. It's a huge psychological boost. Like Deon used to say, "look good, feel good, play good." Walking 30 minutes a day in the outdoors when permissible gives me huge mood improvements. I can definitely feel the difference on the days when I don't walk. Buy some button down collar shirts, shower when you leave the house, get a decent haircut, simple stuff. Makes a world of difference on how you are perceived and therefore treated as well.
anal_reactor 2y ago
> “don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore. Half of the population needs to be below median. No matter how you rearrange things, you can't escape this basic fact. This means that if all women get a boob job, we won't be living in a world of beautiful women, but rather the expected boob size will go up. It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics. > Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point. I think we're talking about two different problems here. I don't have issues getting people to like me, I have issues liking them back.
- meiraleal 2y ago
  > It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics You are misunderstanding attractiveness. We could get to a situation where 100% of men are unattractive to women, actually, some places are very close. Men find much more than 50% of women attractive while women think a much smaller % of men are an eligible partner. There is no median involved in sexual attraction.
- dinkumthinkum 2y ago
  You're trying to find nerdy ways to maintain hopelessness or something. Attractiveness is not a relative scale, if the entire population became more attractive, the "median" would more attractive .... but I hate to even engage in this overly nerdish reasoning. You're making it seem like you have an intellectually superior position by saying "It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics", but I don't think your position would stand-up to a purely logical analysis as much as you think. The fact is, you can improve yourself and it has benefits so don't be so invested in saying its not true, energy is probably better directed the other way. I
  - anal_reactor 2y ago
    > Attractiveness is not a relative scale It is.
    - cutemonster 2y ago
      I think you're both right, Look here: 100 men and 100 women in their thirties in a small town. The men don't work out and don't study and learn new things. Then a day they all start working out at the gym, cut their hair properly and spend time learning new things, getting more well paid remote jobs. This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think) Before, some of the women were singles because they couldn't find any attractive men. After, they had many attractive men to choose between, although 50% of the men are still below average among the men in that town. But the men as a group, improved compared to the women in the town.

mynameishere 2y ago

[dead]

OldGuyInTheClub 2y ago

Well said. I tried and bailed on LinkedIn about ten years ago because so much was forced happy-talk like this article. I think this author is writing earnestly but there is a load of pressure on everyone to think and speak this way even though it makes zero sense for their specific cases. I think it may be called "toxic positivism" in that context.

medhir 2y ago
I really want to get off LinkedIn for this same reason. The happy-speak is so nauseating. The only reason I stay on is so recruiters can find me, but would be great to hear more of your experience in the job market without it.
- OldGuyInTheClub 2y ago
  Pretty bad, overall. I got diddlysquat out of LinkedIn when I was job hunting 10+ years ago but then I got nothing out of my other leads, either. I was old back then and older now so I am staying at my employer until I'm fired, retired, or expired. LI may be required these days to get anywhere, I just adjusted my travel plans so I didn't need to deal with its BS or the general Talent Acq/HR gauntlet required to get past square one. Probably not helpful to you but there it is...

dinkumthinkum 2y ago

I mean this in a respectful way so it's not personal or anything as it might sound. Isn't this kind of a loser mindset, though? It's a mentality of making excuses and our culture has made that a fashionable thing but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)? Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point.

anal_reactor 2y ago
> Isn't this kind of a loser mindset, though? Yes, what's wrong with that? Life is miserable for vast majority of people. That's the harsh truth. > but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)? Well, it's true that you can only get anything in life by working for it, but doing so isn't exclusive with admitting that the game is rigged. I'm not saying to just give up and do nothing, I just don't like the attitude that everything is possible, thus every failure is the individual's fault, and it's never simply external factors at play. For example, I got a good job because I worked hard for it and I happened to graduate exactly during software craze. Someone a few years younger doesn't have the same opportunities despite putting the same amount of hard work. To the same tune, I don't have a very active social life because at some point I lost some lottery and I can't magically change that no matter how much I effort I put. When I was born, I received some privileges, but also some unfair limitations, and that's how we roll. > Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point. For thousands of years people way smarter than us were trying to find the point of life, and still cannot agree on anything, so I think that saying that life is pointless is at least useful for practical purposes.