4 ms·

What about hobbies that are more unisex? A lot of women hike, maybe find a hiking or bike riding group. Something with art, books, whatever. Branch out into oth

What about hobbies that are more unisex? A lot of women hike, maybe find a hiking or bike riding group. Something with art, books, whatever. Branch out into other things, find something you can genuinely enjoy. Don't go into it with the mindset you're gonna date, just have fun and get to know people. If something is going to happen, let it naturally happen. > Yoga and Pilates classes aren’t known for their social atmosphere and if you join in on a cardio dance class - your sexuality and masculinity will inherently be questioned. If you're really interested in joining those, just do it. Who cares what people think? If someone thinks less of you because your hobby isn't manly, that's their problem.

bradlys 2y ago
Statistics matter in these. If there is even a slight gender imbalance in the singles - it creates a very challenging environment. I’ve investigated groups for hiking and cycling - here in nyc I can say they don’t exist in good numbers (especially in winter) and don’t attract eligible women. If you go out and do things without the mindset to date as a man - you won’t get dates. Men have to initiate conversation, men have to ask for contact details, men have to organize and plan dates, etc. Women don’t do any of the initial courting. Just going out and being in a space is not going to get you laid as an average man. This is why people use dating apps so much now. To get a date in real life is exceptionally challenging. You have to first figure out where single women are evening going out (they don’t - single men dominate almost every social activity) and then you gotta court a bunch of random women who you know nothing about in hopes they’ll be a fit. 9/10 times you’ll find out you have completely different life goals within the first 30 minutes. I think this is why dating apps are so popular. I wish they worked for me but I’m ugly - so I have to stick with real life and hope I meet women with vision problems.
- ryandrake 2y ago
  Also, keep in mind that women [at least say they] don't want to be approached while they're out doing hobbies like hiking, bike riding, visiting museums and art exhibits, or when they're grocery shopping or running errands, or at the park with their kids, or... really anywhere, it seems. So, "just go out and court" is not really 2025-realistic advice. I'm so thankful I'm long-since married and out of this rat race. A few of my male friends my age are post-divorce and they all say the same thing about the dating world today: It's horrible and pretty much impossible for guys. Their ex-wives are having the times of their lives, though! Good luck to you, my dude.
  - bradlys 2y ago
    Here in NYC, I will say that trend is reversing at least on the ground. Many women I've talked to in real life are much more open to it now and realize that what many women had said over the last decade was a big mistake. It was a pendulum swing that went way too far after the MeToo movement. That said, it's even more looks based than it was before. We didn't have swiping apps 15 years ago and it's all people have gotten accustomed to now. The fact that "looksmaxxing" is a mainstream term now is very scary and speaks to how superficial everyone has become in this age. The idea of even giving someone who you don't find very physically attractive from the get go is practically dead. My point being that women are more open to be approached in various situations but you face an even greater uphill battle now than before because the women are much more superficial and won't receive you positively unless you are a real beauty. It's a grim market. This won't be changing anytime soon either. Part of me believes people are all like this because there's literally no reason to be with someone because even most people can't afford a home or family even with two incomes now.
- techjamie 2y ago
  Don't go into it looking for a date, make friends with them, single or not. Do things as friends outside the hobby if it goes there, not necessarily as a date, but just to hang. Maybe you'll grow it into something more, maybe they'll have a cute friend they can set you up with. I started out with my girlfriend as a friendship and we both caught feelings. I frequented her work and we had fun talking, and she gave me a reason to get her number after a while. 3 months later we were dating.
  - bradlys 2y ago
    I’m just gonna let you know that most Americans actually hate this. Most women don’t like men sitting in the wait and hoping the woman will catch feelings back. They want someone who is forward with their intentions from the get go. It’s a different culture today than what you’re describing. The amount of people I know who started as “friends first” is incredibly small. I’ve met more billionaires than I have met people with that story. Women are also incredibly bad at setting people up. I’ve known hundreds of women and never had them set me up. The only people who ever did me a solid in that way were gay men. As straight men burn their bridges with every woman that is remotely attractive.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]

bradlys 2y ago

Statistics matter in these. If there is even a slight gender imbalance in the singles - it creates a very challenging environment. I’ve investigated groups for hiking and cycling - here in nyc I can say they don’t exist in good numbers (especially in winter) and don’t attract eligible women. If you go out and do things without the mindset to date as a man - you won’t get dates. Men have to initiate conversation, men have to ask for contact details, men have to organize and plan dates, etc. Women don’t do any of the initial courting. Just going out and being in a space is not going to get you laid as an average man. This is why people use dating apps so much now. To get a date in real life is exceptionally challenging. You have to first figure out where single women are evening going out (they don’t - single men dominate almost every social activity) and then you gotta court a bunch of random women who you know nothing about in hopes they’ll be a fit. 9/10 times you’ll find out you have completely different life goals within the first 30 minutes. I think this is why dating apps are so popular. I wish they worked for me but I’m ugly - so I have to stick with real life and hope I meet women with vision problems.

ryandrake 2y ago
Also, keep in mind that women [at least say they] don't want to be approached while they're out doing hobbies like hiking, bike riding, visiting museums and art exhibits, or when they're grocery shopping or running errands, or at the park with their kids, or... really anywhere, it seems. So, "just go out and court" is not really 2025-realistic advice. I'm so thankful I'm long-since married and out of this rat race. A few of my male friends my age are post-divorce and they all say the same thing about the dating world today: It's horrible and pretty much impossible for guys. Their ex-wives are having the times of their lives, though! Good luck to you, my dude.
- bradlys 2y ago
  Here in NYC, I will say that trend is reversing at least on the ground. Many women I've talked to in real life are much more open to it now and realize that what many women had said over the last decade was a big mistake. It was a pendulum swing that went way too far after the MeToo movement. That said, it's even more looks based than it was before. We didn't have swiping apps 15 years ago and it's all people have gotten accustomed to now. The fact that "looksmaxxing" is a mainstream term now is very scary and speaks to how superficial everyone has become in this age. The idea of even giving someone who you don't find very physically attractive from the get go is practically dead. My point being that women are more open to be approached in various situations but you face an even greater uphill battle now than before because the women are much more superficial and won't receive you positively unless you are a real beauty. It's a grim market. This won't be changing anytime soon either. Part of me believes people are all like this because there's literally no reason to be with someone because even most people can't afford a home or family even with two incomes now.
techjamie 2y ago
Don't go into it looking for a date, make friends with them, single or not. Do things as friends outside the hobby if it goes there, not necessarily as a date, but just to hang. Maybe you'll grow it into something more, maybe they'll have a cute friend they can set you up with. I started out with my girlfriend as a friendship and we both caught feelings. I frequented her work and we had fun talking, and she gave me a reason to get her number after a while. 3 months later we were dating.
- bradlys 2y ago
  I’m just gonna let you know that most Americans actually hate this. Most women don’t like men sitting in the wait and hoping the woman will catch feelings back. They want someone who is forward with their intentions from the get go. It’s a different culture today than what you’re describing. The amount of people I know who started as “friends first” is incredibly small. I’ve met more billionaires than I have met people with that story. Women are also incredibly bad at setting people up. I’ve known hundreds of women and never had them set me up. The only people who ever did me a solid in that way were gay men. As straight men burn their bridges with every woman that is remotely attractive.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]