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As someone who is entering the age where I should be spending as little time as possible in my life alone (presumably because I’d be married with kids) I’m look

As someone who is entering the age where I should be spending as little time as possible in my life alone (presumably because I’d be married with kids) I’m looking at a very lonely life in the traditional sense. I’m single with no indicator of that changing. I have a decent amount of friends and see people regularly at my gym since I workout everyday. So, there’s always some minor socialization on any given day. My big woe though is that there’s no easy way for me to meet women. All the things I do normally are just not popular with women and most men are terrible for introducing you to women. After all, any guy who knows a woman who is eligible and attractive will burn the bridge himself unless he’s not single but even then - usually is not encouraged to know such women due to his partner. Even when I try to branch out and do things that are more popular with women, it’s a very challenging environment to get anywhere socially. Yoga and Pilates classes aren’t known for their social atmosphere and if you join in on a cardio dance class - your sexuality and masculinity will inherently be questioned. Seems most people 25+ rely on dating apps to meet opposite sex now and I’m sure that contributed a lot to the loneliness figures. A lot of us have little reason to go out if we don’t think there’s at least a chance at romance - and the amount of good spaces to meet partners has dwindled.

techjamie 2y ago
What about hobbies that are more unisex? A lot of women hike, maybe find a hiking or bike riding group. Something with art, books, whatever. Branch out into other things, find something you can genuinely enjoy. Don't go into it with the mindset you're gonna date, just have fun and get to know people. If something is going to happen, let it naturally happen. > Yoga and Pilates classes aren’t known for their social atmosphere and if you join in on a cardio dance class - your sexuality and masculinity will inherently be questioned. If you're really interested in joining those, just do it. Who cares what people think? If someone thinks less of you because your hobby isn't manly, that's their problem.
- bradlys 2y ago
  Statistics matter in these. If there is even a slight gender imbalance in the singles - it creates a very challenging environment. I’ve investigated groups for hiking and cycling - here in nyc I can say they don’t exist in good numbers (especially in winter) and don’t attract eligible women. If you go out and do things without the mindset to date as a man - you won’t get dates. Men have to initiate conversation, men have to ask for contact details, men have to organize and plan dates, etc. Women don’t do any of the initial courting. Just going out and being in a space is not going to get you laid as an average man. This is why people use dating apps so much now. To get a date in real life is exceptionally challenging. You have to first figure out where single women are evening going out (they don’t - single men dominate almost every social activity) and then you gotta court a bunch of random women who you know nothing about in hopes they’ll be a fit. 9/10 times you’ll find out you have completely different life goals within the first 30 minutes. I think this is why dating apps are so popular. I wish they worked for me but I’m ugly - so I have to stick with real life and hope I meet women with vision problems.
  - ryandrake 2y ago
    Also, keep in mind that women [at least say they] don't want to be approached while they're out doing hobbies like hiking, bike riding, visiting museums and art exhibits, or when they're grocery shopping or running errands, or at the park with their kids, or... really anywhere, it seems. So, "just go out and court" is not really 2025-realistic advice. I'm so thankful I'm long-since married and out of this rat race. A few of my male friends my age are post-divorce and they all say the same thing about the dating world today: It's horrible and pretty much impossible for guys. Their ex-wives are having the times of their lives, though! Good luck to you, my dude.
    - bradlys 2y ago
      Here in NYC, I will say that trend is reversing at least on the ground. Many women I've talked to in real life are much more open to it now and realize that what many women had said over the last decade was a big mistake. It was a pendulum swing that went way too far after the MeToo movement. That said, it's even more looks based than it was before. We didn't have swiping apps 15 years ago and it's all people have gotten accustomed to now. The fact that "looksmaxxing" is a mainstream term now is very scary and speaks to how superficial everyone has become in this age. The idea of even giving someone who you don't find very physically attractive from the get go is practically dead. My point being that women are more open to be approached in various situations but you face an even greater uphill battle now than before because the women are much more superficial and won't receive you positively unless you are a real beauty. It's a grim market. This won't be changing anytime soon either. Part of me believes people are all like this because there's literally no reason to be with someone because even most people can't afford a home or family even with two incomes now.
  - techjamie 2y ago
    Don't go into it looking for a date, make friends with them, single or not. Do things as friends outside the hobby if it goes there, not necessarily as a date, but just to hang. Maybe you'll grow it into something more, maybe they'll have a cute friend they can set you up with. I started out with my girlfriend as a friendship and we both caught feelings. I frequented her work and we had fun talking, and she gave me a reason to get her number after a while. 3 months later we were dating.
yes_really 2y ago
Did you try a professional matchmaker? There must be matchmakers specialized in professionally successful singles in NYC.
- bradlys 2y ago
  Yeah, I looked into it. Part of the deal with professional matchmakers is that they're very selective with their male clients. One said they wouldn't take on a client if they didn't believe they had over 80% chance of matching them. So, typically, for these matchmakers - they are taking on men who are executives and above average physically. They won't take on your typical engineer who got 7-8 figures out of an IPO because those men are low status and generally unattractive. The men must also have relatively modest bar. They cannot expect perfection. Matchmakers for men are mostly about freeing up the mans time and not about doing something he could never do. For these men, spending hours on dating apps, tuning profiles, messaging random women, etc. is a huge time/money sink. They'd rather pay someone what feels like a drop in the bucket at $50k ("It's one banana, Michael. How much could it cost, $10?") and have them set up the dates. I've yet to meet a matchmaker that would take me on because they know I'm too challenging of a case. The man needs to be high status, physically attractive, and have reasonable standards (which might still be outlandishly high for the general population but these are typically top 0.1% men). I'm neither high status nor physically attractive. I can't even get matches on any dating app and that's not usually the case for these men. They have too many and don't know what to do and need someone to filter it down for them.
  - johnnyanmac 2y ago
    >They won't take on your typical engineer who got 7-8 figures out of an IPO because those men are low status and generally unattractive low status? I'm not gay but I'd date you. Stability is way sexier than some sort of "I can fix him" broken/badass persona that people are stereotypically magnatized towards. But yeah I apologize. I'm the same place without the IPO. All I can say is to just spend some time "fixing you". hire a private nutritionist and maybe trainer and just... ugh "looksmaxx", as the kids are saying. Even if it somehow doesn't work, you'll feel a lot better about yourself.

techjamie 2y ago

What about hobbies that are more unisex? A lot of women hike, maybe find a hiking or bike riding group. Something with art, books, whatever. Branch out into other things, find something you can genuinely enjoy. Don't go into it with the mindset you're gonna date, just have fun and get to know people. If something is going to happen, let it naturally happen. > Yoga and Pilates classes aren’t known for their social atmosphere and if you join in on a cardio dance class - your sexuality and masculinity will inherently be questioned. If you're really interested in joining those, just do it. Who cares what people think? If someone thinks less of you because your hobby isn't manly, that's their problem.

bradlys 2y ago
Statistics matter in these. If there is even a slight gender imbalance in the singles - it creates a very challenging environment. I’ve investigated groups for hiking and cycling - here in nyc I can say they don’t exist in good numbers (especially in winter) and don’t attract eligible women. If you go out and do things without the mindset to date as a man - you won’t get dates. Men have to initiate conversation, men have to ask for contact details, men have to organize and plan dates, etc. Women don’t do any of the initial courting. Just going out and being in a space is not going to get you laid as an average man. This is why people use dating apps so much now. To get a date in real life is exceptionally challenging. You have to first figure out where single women are evening going out (they don’t - single men dominate almost every social activity) and then you gotta court a bunch of random women who you know nothing about in hopes they’ll be a fit. 9/10 times you’ll find out you have completely different life goals within the first 30 minutes. I think this is why dating apps are so popular. I wish they worked for me but I’m ugly - so I have to stick with real life and hope I meet women with vision problems.
- ryandrake 2y ago
  Also, keep in mind that women [at least say they] don't want to be approached while they're out doing hobbies like hiking, bike riding, visiting museums and art exhibits, or when they're grocery shopping or running errands, or at the park with their kids, or... really anywhere, it seems. So, "just go out and court" is not really 2025-realistic advice. I'm so thankful I'm long-since married and out of this rat race. A few of my male friends my age are post-divorce and they all say the same thing about the dating world today: It's horrible and pretty much impossible for guys. Their ex-wives are having the times of their lives, though! Good luck to you, my dude.
  - bradlys 2y ago
    Here in NYC, I will say that trend is reversing at least on the ground. Many women I've talked to in real life are much more open to it now and realize that what many women had said over the last decade was a big mistake. It was a pendulum swing that went way too far after the MeToo movement. That said, it's even more looks based than it was before. We didn't have swiping apps 15 years ago and it's all people have gotten accustomed to now. The fact that "looksmaxxing" is a mainstream term now is very scary and speaks to how superficial everyone has become in this age. The idea of even giving someone who you don't find very physically attractive from the get go is practically dead. My point being that women are more open to be approached in various situations but you face an even greater uphill battle now than before because the women are much more superficial and won't receive you positively unless you are a real beauty. It's a grim market. This won't be changing anytime soon either. Part of me believes people are all like this because there's literally no reason to be with someone because even most people can't afford a home or family even with two incomes now.
- techjamie 2y ago
  Don't go into it looking for a date, make friends with them, single or not. Do things as friends outside the hobby if it goes there, not necessarily as a date, but just to hang. Maybe you'll grow it into something more, maybe they'll have a cute friend they can set you up with. I started out with my girlfriend as a friendship and we both caught feelings. I frequented her work and we had fun talking, and she gave me a reason to get her number after a while. 3 months later we were dating.

yes_really 2y ago

Did you try a professional matchmaker? There must be matchmakers specialized in professionally successful singles in NYC.

bradlys 2y ago
Yeah, I looked into it. Part of the deal with professional matchmakers is that they're very selective with their male clients. One said they wouldn't take on a client if they didn't believe they had over 80% chance of matching them. So, typically, for these matchmakers - they are taking on men who are executives and above average physically. They won't take on your typical engineer who got 7-8 figures out of an IPO because those men are low status and generally unattractive. The men must also have relatively modest bar. They cannot expect perfection. Matchmakers for men are mostly about freeing up the mans time and not about doing something he could never do. For these men, spending hours on dating apps, tuning profiles, messaging random women, etc. is a huge time/money sink. They'd rather pay someone what feels like a drop in the bucket at $50k ("It's one banana, Michael. How much could it cost, $10?") and have them set up the dates. I've yet to meet a matchmaker that would take me on because they know I'm too challenging of a case. The man needs to be high status, physically attractive, and have reasonable standards (which might still be outlandishly high for the general population but these are typically top 0.1% men). I'm neither high status nor physically attractive. I can't even get matches on any dating app and that's not usually the case for these men. They have too many and don't know what to do and need someone to filter it down for them.
- johnnyanmac 2y ago
  >They won't take on your typical engineer who got 7-8 figures out of an IPO because those men are low status and generally unattractive low status? I'm not gay but I'd date you. Stability is way sexier than some sort of "I can fix him" broken/badass persona that people are stereotypically magnatized towards. But yeah I apologize. I'm the same place without the IPO. All I can say is to just spend some time "fixing you". hire a private nutritionist and maybe trainer and just... ugh "looksmaxx", as the kids are saying. Even if it somehow doesn't work, you'll feel a lot better about yourself.