3 ms·

Invisible Epidemic: The Loneliness Epidemic (2023)

57 points by kamikazeturtles 2y ago

madmannewnew 2y ago
[dead]
JSTrading 2y ago
Brilliant work
BillyTheMage 2y ago
Can't exactly ask coworkers for an ugly crying hug in the middle of a workday and then just act like nothing happened like you can with a best friend :( I'll also admit it: I'm lonely and the magic of life seems to have disappeared since this over-the-top loneliness began around 2020. I too want a life full of loving people. Also, fantastic work on that website. That's good stuff.
- p_ing 2y ago
  > After lunch, he decided to watch TV again. He's been around other people today, like at the grocery store. But he hasn't done anything with other people. Now there's something to make you feel even _more_ alone -- being around people. Just waiting for life to expire at this point.
  - Oasis4 2y ago
    I tried to go on a vacation on my own, it was to hard to watch the families going about during the holidays And I definitely get what you mean but try to think a lot about the song Waitin' to Die by Useful Jenkins[0] when I'm at my lowest [0] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ2E5AaOJNY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ2E5AaOJNY
    - p_ing 2y ago
      Have something slightly more... happy? sad? I take sad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp1kjzd7uug https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp1kjzd7uug
    - horrible-hilde 2y ago
      why didnt you just join a tour, even a day tour will introduce you to people to go have drinks with. I always travel alone and usually make lifelong friends on biking day tours traveling soli is one of my greatest pleasures
- throw3452away 2y ago
  2020-22 still seemed like I was still in the ignorance is bliss phase, but then middle of last year it really hit me, and hit me hard, how alone I was. Lost a lot of joy in life and can't enjoy the thing I used to. I have a hard time focusing on things and can barely read a page of a book without my mind wandering. I'm making an attempt to steer the ship in the right direction now, but it's so hard. A lot of people I knew, used to talk regularly to, have moved on and there's no reconnecting with them now (I tried). Everything is so different...maybe it always was and I just never really cared to look and realize, I was "happy" in being alone and ignorant of the social aspects of the world. What a sad time we live in. > Either everyone feels like this just a little bit and they’re not talking about it, or I am completely fucking alone. Which isn’t fucking funny. - Fleabag
- bufferoverflow 2y ago
  If you want to meet lots of people, start meeting them. Meetups, volunteering, sports, hobbies. So many opportunities.
SwamiCarvalho 2y ago
Thank you for the post. It made me connect some dots in my mind about the frustation of a close long distance friend. Some people brought that upon themselves with the choices they commited in their life. I'm kind to most people but some people don't deserve our kindness, doesn't mean that I disrespect them. Interesting storytelling website.
aesthethiccs 2y ago
Probably the biggest problem after climate change, or atleast up there. since this problem prevents the solution of others, because there's way lower collaboration and organisation due to the persistent loneliness and all the mental health costs. the worst part is people stuck in the blissful non lonely state just don't give a fuck, cause they got their happiness.
renewiltord 2y ago
You gotta make friends. You gotta have kids. That’s the story, man. Tbh a lot of people invite this life upon themselves. “I shouldn’t have to” / “Do you really expect me to” etc etc
- throw3452away 2y ago
  I think you lack a complete perspective and are only stating the obvious things. Yeah, some people may invite this upon themselves. But a lot of others find it incredibly difficult to develop friendships, let alone intimate relationships, in this world, especially in western countries - I could list out the reasons why but this comment will become awfully long. We should remind ourselves that we don't know everything, we don't see everything, and we should be open to viewing the world from other people's perspective. We'll learn a lot about ourselves and our place in the world that way.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- horrible-hilde 2y ago
  thats your story. Its not everyone’s. we are individuals.
  - bufferoverflow 2y ago
    No, if you're lonely and don't want to be, that's your story. If you don't actively try to solve your loneliness, you will, very likely, remain lonely.
purplezooey 2y ago
Great storytelling format and adds light to a deeply complex topic.
ChrisArchitect 2y ago
(2023) Some discussion then: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37960928 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37960928 Been a number of more recent stories on this topic: Surgeon General says loneliness is driving US into anxiety and pessimism https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341 Loneliness in Midlife: A Growing Gap Between US and Europe https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487 The myth of the loneliness epidemic https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
sirlone 2y ago
It's frustrating to read the average person has (1-2) intimate friends and 15 people they stay in touch with contacting them at least once a month. I'm at 0 intimate friends right now and maybe 3 people I contact once a month where "contact" equals sending 1 or 2 sentences in a text message and getting 1 or 2 sentences back once or twice a month. I don't consider myself an incel since I know several people who would be with me if I asked but I also know "we" aren't a match so I don't go there. I also don't really know what to do it fix this issue. I look at meetup.com and I don't really see anything I want to participate in. A large portion of the activities there are limited to younger people, or specific demographics of which I'm not one. The few that are left don't seem inviting or interesting. What are other good sources of activities? It doesn't help that I moved 4 years ago away from friends and back semi-near family at their request. The truth is I'm just not that close to them, we've all been apart for 30+ years. At the same time, my friends back where I moved from, while still there, I'm not sure are enough to get me to move back. There's more to it. I'm old and it's another country. Getting a visa to move back would be hard. Getting a job even harder. And, even if I moved back, while it would arguably be better than my current situation, it wouldn't rise to the average listed in the article. WFH has also made things worse. These last 5 years (including one at home during COVID) have been the worst years of my life in terms of people. I've gone many months seeing around 1 person a month. There's this post from SLC: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-roman... Which I found interesting in that if loneliness is a health issue, then why doesn't may insurance cover it? Why doesn't my doctor suggest solutions? I suppose this used to be where churches come in but that's no longer a thing for most people.
- thefz 2y ago
  > WFH has also made things worse. These last 5 years (including one at home during COVID) have been the worst years of my life in terms of people. I felt way more anxiety and restlessness in my off hours when I was forced to be 10hrs a day in a room with 13 other people. The magnitude of the benefit WFH has given me is so wide that sometimes people I have not met in a while state I have changed and look better. Your story is not others'.

madmannewnew 2y ago

[dead]

JSTrading 2y ago

Brilliant work

BillyTheMage 2y ago

Can't exactly ask coworkers for an ugly crying hug in the middle of a workday and then just act like nothing happened like you can with a best friend :( I'll also admit it: I'm lonely and the magic of life seems to have disappeared since this over-the-top loneliness began around 2020. I too want a life full of loving people. Also, fantastic work on that website. That's good stuff.

p_ing 2y ago
> After lunch, he decided to watch TV again. He's been around other people today, like at the grocery store. But he hasn't done anything with other people. Now there's something to make you feel even _more_ alone -- being around people. Just waiting for life to expire at this point.
- Oasis4 2y ago
  I tried to go on a vacation on my own, it was to hard to watch the families going about during the holidays And I definitely get what you mean but try to think a lot about the song Waitin' to Die by Useful Jenkins[0] when I'm at my lowest [0] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ2E5AaOJNY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ2E5AaOJNY
  - p_ing 2y ago
    Have something slightly more... happy? sad? I take sad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp1kjzd7uug https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp1kjzd7uug
  - horrible-hilde 2y ago
    why didnt you just join a tour, even a day tour will introduce you to people to go have drinks with. I always travel alone and usually make lifelong friends on biking day tours traveling soli is one of my greatest pleasures
throw3452away 2y ago
2020-22 still seemed like I was still in the ignorance is bliss phase, but then middle of last year it really hit me, and hit me hard, how alone I was. Lost a lot of joy in life and can't enjoy the thing I used to. I have a hard time focusing on things and can barely read a page of a book without my mind wandering. I'm making an attempt to steer the ship in the right direction now, but it's so hard. A lot of people I knew, used to talk regularly to, have moved on and there's no reconnecting with them now (I tried). Everything is so different...maybe it always was and I just never really cared to look and realize, I was "happy" in being alone and ignorant of the social aspects of the world. What a sad time we live in. > Either everyone feels like this just a little bit and they’re not talking about it, or I am completely fucking alone. Which isn’t fucking funny. - Fleabag
bufferoverflow 2y ago
If you want to meet lots of people, start meeting them. Meetups, volunteering, sports, hobbies. So many opportunities.

SwamiCarvalho 2y ago

Thank you for the post. It made me connect some dots in my mind about the frustation of a close long distance friend. Some people brought that upon themselves with the choices they commited in their life. I'm kind to most people but some people don't deserve our kindness, doesn't mean that I disrespect them. Interesting storytelling website.

aesthethiccs 2y ago

Probably the biggest problem after climate change, or atleast up there. since this problem prevents the solution of others, because there's way lower collaboration and organisation due to the persistent loneliness and all the mental health costs. the worst part is people stuck in the blissful non lonely state just don't give a fuck, cause they got their happiness.

renewiltord 2y ago

You gotta make friends. You gotta have kids. That’s the story, man. Tbh a lot of people invite this life upon themselves. “I shouldn’t have to” / “Do you really expect me to” etc etc

throw3452away 2y ago
I think you lack a complete perspective and are only stating the obvious things. Yeah, some people may invite this upon themselves. But a lot of others find it incredibly difficult to develop friendships, let alone intimate relationships, in this world, especially in western countries - I could list out the reasons why but this comment will become awfully long. We should remind ourselves that we don't know everything, we don't see everything, and we should be open to viewing the world from other people's perspective. We'll learn a lot about ourselves and our place in the world that way.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
horrible-hilde 2y ago
thats your story. Its not everyone’s. we are individuals.
- bufferoverflow 2y ago
  No, if you're lonely and don't want to be, that's your story. If you don't actively try to solve your loneliness, you will, very likely, remain lonely.

purplezooey 2y ago

Great storytelling format and adds light to a deeply complex topic.

ChrisArchitect 2y ago

(2023) Some discussion then: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37960928 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37960928 Been a number of more recent stories on this topic: Surgeon General says loneliness is driving US into anxiety and pessimism https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341 Loneliness in Midlife: A Growing Gap Between US and Europe https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487 The myth of the loneliness epidemic https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

sirlone 2y ago

It's frustrating to read the average person has (1-2) intimate friends and 15 people they stay in touch with contacting them at least once a month. I'm at 0 intimate friends right now and maybe 3 people I contact once a month where "contact" equals sending 1 or 2 sentences in a text message and getting 1 or 2 sentences back once or twice a month. I don't consider myself an incel since I know several people who would be with me if I asked but I also know "we" aren't a match so I don't go there. I also don't really know what to do it fix this issue. I look at meetup.com and I don't really see anything I want to participate in. A large portion of the activities there are limited to younger people, or specific demographics of which I'm not one. The few that are left don't seem inviting or interesting. What are other good sources of activities? It doesn't help that I moved 4 years ago away from friends and back semi-near family at their request. The truth is I'm just not that close to them, we've all been apart for 30+ years. At the same time, my friends back where I moved from, while still there, I'm not sure are enough to get me to move back. There's more to it. I'm old and it's another country. Getting a visa to move back would be hard. Getting a job even harder. And, even if I moved back, while it would arguably be better than my current situation, it wouldn't rise to the average listed in the article. WFH has also made things worse. These last 5 years (including one at home during COVID) have been the worst years of my life in terms of people. I've gone many months seeing around 1 person a month. There's this post from SLC: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/ https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-roman... Which I found interesting in that if loneliness is a health issue, then why doesn't may insurance cover it? Why doesn't my doctor suggest solutions? I suppose this used to be where churches come in but that's no longer a thing for most people.

thefz 2y ago
> WFH has also made things worse. These last 5 years (including one at home during COVID) have been the worst years of my life in terms of people. I felt way more anxiety and restlessness in my off hours when I was forced to be 10hrs a day in a room with 13 other people. The magnitude of the benefit WFH has given me is so wide that sometimes people I have not met in a while state I have changed and look better. Your story is not others'.