> What's next? Flat earth again? Sorry, but he's right. Nobody ever reads the results of multi-million dollar research efforts. Including the authors. Have yo

> What's next? Flat earth again? Sorry, but he's right. Nobody ever reads the results of multi-million dollar research efforts. Including the authors. Have you noticed how all these publications always list multiple authors? Each author is only allowed to write a little bit of the paper and the paragraphs are later merged and etched into printing plates in a dark room. This is standard procedure to ensure nobody can comprehend such forbidden knowledge. Only the most elite of the most elite are allowed to reflect on these ancient wisdoms sent from the heavens and sealed far from the surface for millions of years. These elitist space lizards do not live like us, drink like us or eat like us. They have no digestive tracts in the first place, but they feed off our negative emotions and despair. They do not go to the toilet to unburden themselves, but to ingest the hidden knowledge waiting for them in invisible ink on satin-like paper scrolls. These scrolls are long and thin to make reading them with their slit-like pupils utmost comfortable and the paper is soft, textured and multi-layered to caress their sensitive fingers. They reveal the ink with the venomous chemicals from their fangs and take great care to destroy any evidence of the hidden writings with the pulper installed in every lockable reading booth. If you need any more evidence, just look at how whenever they pass down knowledge or narratives, the text is split into narrow columns, placed next to each other on a much wider paper, clearly showing the limitations of the medium the text was written on when it was approved for publication. Unless the overlords decide to grace their subjects with the knowledge, the actual results of such research will only become available to us if someone recovers the printing plates from the government warehouses they're stored in and somehow obtains the necessary intaglio printing machines to transfer the hidden knowledge onto paper. But that will never happen, because any government viciously hunts down anyone obtaining either of these items. Our only hope is taking back our governments by exploiting their only weakness: Their lack of first hand digestive experiences: Before voting for anyone, judge how they like their steaks, count their scoops of ice cream and figure out whether they've worked in the food industry before, like working the grill at Wendy's.