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And that’s the confusing thing to me. When I was in my 20s I spent most of my time outside of work being social. I worked 10-12 hour days. What are the thing

And that’s the confusing thing to me. When I was in my 20s I spent most of my time outside of work being social. I worked 10-12 hour days. What are the things you’re doing that are a priority? I’m not judging - I’m honestly curious and want to understand.

Dalewyn 2y ago
Reading books, playing games, watching anime, conversations on IRC or Discord with long time friends, making stuff in the figurative garage that will never see the light of day... The list goes on. And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... The list goes on. There's just so many god damn things I could or should be doing instead of marriage. I literally do not have the time and thus interest in marriage and all the things related to it. And no, the termination of my bloodline or what happens to my crap after my passing doesn't concern me.
- binarymax 2y ago
  Cool. Power to you. My take on things: I love being married, because I’m always with my best friend, and we’re partners to make all the “life’s necessities” much easier. Cooking+cleaning is a shared experience and not one persons job. Financial burdens lessen as a couple. Sometimes groceries just show up magically. And I always have someone to talk to. We also have different sleep schedules. I’m up early and either hack on a side project or go to the gym. Late at night she watches what she likes without needing to negotiate with my tastes.
- bdangubic 2y ago
  I have several friends that would write EXACTLY what you wrote and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your way of life. termination of the bloodline is a silly thing - however I can tell you from personal experience that having an offspring connects to humanity like nothing else and I feel for you that you won’t experience that part of human existence. it is a remarkable experience…
  - throw00603 2y ago
    > I feel for you that you won’t experience that part of human existence Certainly it's something my depression holds over my head every day. Everything I do is less fun when I consciously realize I'm removing my ancestors from the gene pool in participating in those things. It's like I can choose to put more value in other things besides offspring, but also... I can't? When it seems like every stranger around me is married and/or has children? When I feel myself backed into a corner and only perceive the choice to call that decision sour grapes, I feel like something has gone seriously wrong...
    - AnimalMuppet 2y ago
      Interesting. Women used to feel this pressure, wanting success and a career, but also wanting family and children. They looked at men with envy, thinking that men did get to have it all. But men are feeling that same tension. I think it basically comes down to being finite. We want more than we can get. We have to choose, and we don't want to, because choosing means giving up something that we really want. I suspect that your depression doesn't make it easier. But the overall struggle is a very common one.
- sugarplant 2y ago
  >me? find a gal? nope siree. i simply have too many video games to play and anime to watch! this wolf rides solo. at the end of the day i simply couldnt imagine myself with a sweet little missus in my arms... honestly, i retch at the thought! id much rather hotglue my hatsune miku figurine trust me brother, the day will come when video games, anime, and surrogate friendships get boring. the copes and distractions dont last forever.
  - Gvaskas 2y ago
    But what's the solution? It's not as if these men have willing marriageable women queueing up at their door. They have not chosen to forego marriage and family in pursuit of these pointless nihilistic hedonistic hobbies. They seek comfort in them because marriage and family are unattainable.
    - Dalewyn 2y ago
      [flagged]
- mcphage 2y ago
  > And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... Life’s necessities are about more pleasant with someone by your side.
Gavin222 2y ago
[dead]
Gvaskas 2y ago
A very common sentiment among young men is that "the juice ain't worth the squeeze". There is a sense that the average man is being expected to meet increasingly demanding requirements - career, social, fitness, etc (some of which are literally impossible for many due to height, balding, or facial attractiveness) - for a shot at an overweight woman past her prime with dozens of flings and a couple abortions in her past, who will forever secretly think poorly of him, is only ever 5 minutes away from another fling with a random stranger on the app of her choice, and may at any moment become 'bored' and file for no-fault divorce ruining their family and finances. Or we can do whatever we like for leisure, meet our sexual needs in whatever way we like (abstinence, prostitutes, casual sex, toys, porn, etc) and watch the world burn. Women need to look at themselves.
- Muromec 2y ago
  >and watch the world burn. You will not be watching zo. You will be one the one burning with it too and it will be even less fun than the slight frustrations of today.
- binarymax 2y ago
  It sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but putting the blame entirely on the other gender is not a healthy approach to the situation.
  - gigatree 2y ago
    He could have a more balanced view for himself but that wouldn’t change the reality that he’s describing for everyone else (which is probably also shared by a large portion of the other gender).
throw00603 2y ago
I exercise, read books, try to learn instruments, look for work, and go to therapy weekly. I have had strangers say to me that it's no problem if I just want to put myself out there and see who bites, but I do not see it that way. My (same-sex) best friend I knew for 6 years recently cut off all contact when I tried to set boundaries with them. It was the first time in my life I tried to assert myself and because I reaped the consequences I assumed I did something wrong. I read up online and understood logically I did nothing wrong. But fact is, it's been half a year and I haven't recovered from that friendship alone. And there were others like it. I don't have anything to replace that (flawed) relationship and the trauma of being discarded reopened all my pre-existing childhood-and-up trauma they already knew about so, I mean, yeah. I talk to my therapist about it of course but that makes my current life no less of a torture. I've come to accept maybe that's how it will be. What this tells me is I'm not ready for a relationship right now. It's my early 30's and I don't understand the basics yet. The way I was raised I've already been through enough confusing social rejection and socializing just demoralizes me nowadays. I'm not willing to go forward and date if I'm no longer interested in the first place because that isn't fair to the other party. I need to make friends before I am ready to date, having zero friends right now, and the interest for that isn't there either. It took me way too long for me to realize my heart wasn't in it and I was doing people a disservice when I need to work on myself first and foremost. ...not to mention I'm still looking for work after being laid off, but I felt no different while I was employed. And before someone says these are flaws people should accept me for... they're not unfortunately. I'm beginning to suspect they're on the level of a personality disorder. Having enough previous less impactful diagnoses, I think it's on me by this point if I couldn't make anything out of them.

Dalewyn 2y ago

Reading books, playing games, watching anime, conversations on IRC or Discord with long time friends, making stuff in the figurative garage that will never see the light of day... The list goes on. And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... The list goes on. There's just so many god damn things I could or should be doing instead of marriage. I literally do not have the time and thus interest in marriage and all the things related to it. And no, the termination of my bloodline or what happens to my crap after my passing doesn't concern me.

binarymax 2y ago
Cool. Power to you. My take on things: I love being married, because I’m always with my best friend, and we’re partners to make all the “life’s necessities” much easier. Cooking+cleaning is a shared experience and not one persons job. Financial burdens lessen as a couple. Sometimes groceries just show up magically. And I always have someone to talk to. We also have different sleep schedules. I’m up early and either hack on a side project or go to the gym. Late at night she watches what she likes without needing to negotiate with my tastes.
bdangubic 2y ago
I have several friends that would write EXACTLY what you wrote and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your way of life. termination of the bloodline is a silly thing - however I can tell you from personal experience that having an offspring connects to humanity like nothing else and I feel for you that you won’t experience that part of human existence. it is a remarkable experience…
- throw00603 2y ago
  > I feel for you that you won’t experience that part of human existence Certainly it's something my depression holds over my head every day. Everything I do is less fun when I consciously realize I'm removing my ancestors from the gene pool in participating in those things. It's like I can choose to put more value in other things besides offspring, but also... I can't? When it seems like every stranger around me is married and/or has children? When I feel myself backed into a corner and only perceive the choice to call that decision sour grapes, I feel like something has gone seriously wrong...
  - AnimalMuppet 2y ago
    Interesting. Women used to feel this pressure, wanting success and a career, but also wanting family and children. They looked at men with envy, thinking that men did get to have it all. But men are feeling that same tension. I think it basically comes down to being finite. We want more than we can get. We have to choose, and we don't want to, because choosing means giving up something that we really want. I suspect that your depression doesn't make it easier. But the overall struggle is a very common one.
sugarplant 2y ago
>me? find a gal? nope siree. i simply have too many video games to play and anime to watch! this wolf rides solo. at the end of the day i simply couldnt imagine myself with a sweet little missus in my arms... honestly, i retch at the thought! id much rather hotglue my hatsune miku figurine trust me brother, the day will come when video games, anime, and surrogate friendships get boring. the copes and distractions dont last forever.
- Gvaskas 2y ago
  But what's the solution? It's not as if these men have willing marriageable women queueing up at their door. They have not chosen to forego marriage and family in pursuit of these pointless nihilistic hedonistic hobbies. They seek comfort in them because marriage and family are unattainable.
  - Dalewyn 2y ago
    [flagged]
mcphage 2y ago
> And that's besides life's necessities like work, chores around the house, cooking+eating... Life’s necessities are about more pleasant with someone by your side.

Gavin222 2y ago

[dead]

Gvaskas 2y ago

A very common sentiment among young men is that "the juice ain't worth the squeeze". There is a sense that the average man is being expected to meet increasingly demanding requirements - career, social, fitness, etc (some of which are literally impossible for many due to height, balding, or facial attractiveness) - for a shot at an overweight woman past her prime with dozens of flings and a couple abortions in her past, who will forever secretly think poorly of him, is only ever 5 minutes away from another fling with a random stranger on the app of her choice, and may at any moment become 'bored' and file for no-fault divorce ruining their family and finances. Or we can do whatever we like for leisure, meet our sexual needs in whatever way we like (abstinence, prostitutes, casual sex, toys, porn, etc) and watch the world burn. Women need to look at themselves.

Muromec 2y ago
>and watch the world burn. You will not be watching zo. You will be one the one burning with it too and it will be even less fun than the slight frustrations of today.
binarymax 2y ago
It sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but putting the blame entirely on the other gender is not a healthy approach to the situation.
- gigatree 2y ago
  He could have a more balanced view for himself but that wouldn’t change the reality that he’s describing for everyone else (which is probably also shared by a large portion of the other gender).

throw00603 2y ago

I exercise, read books, try to learn instruments, look for work, and go to therapy weekly. I have had strangers say to me that it's no problem if I just want to put myself out there and see who bites, but I do not see it that way. My (same-sex) best friend I knew for 6 years recently cut off all contact when I tried to set boundaries with them. It was the first time in my life I tried to assert myself and because I reaped the consequences I assumed I did something wrong. I read up online and understood logically I did nothing wrong. But fact is, it's been half a year and I haven't recovered from that friendship alone. And there were others like it. I don't have anything to replace that (flawed) relationship and the trauma of being discarded reopened all my pre-existing childhood-and-up trauma they already knew about so, I mean, yeah. I talk to my therapist about it of course but that makes my current life no less of a torture. I've come to accept maybe that's how it will be. What this tells me is I'm not ready for a relationship right now. It's my early 30's and I don't understand the basics yet. The way I was raised I've already been through enough confusing social rejection and socializing just demoralizes me nowadays. I'm not willing to go forward and date if I'm no longer interested in the first place because that isn't fair to the other party. I need to make friends before I am ready to date, having zero friends right now, and the interest for that isn't there either. It took me way too long for me to realize my heart wasn't in it and I was doing people a disservice when I need to work on myself first and foremost. ...not to mention I'm still looking for work after being laid off, but I felt no different while I was employed. And before someone says these are flaws people should accept me for... they're not unfortunately. I'm beginning to suspect they're on the level of a personality disorder. Having enough previous less impactful diagnoses, I think it's on me by this point if I couldn't make anything out of them.