3 ms·
I used to have a soft voice and would constantly be spoken over, and not really listened to. I also look very young (I am late 30s and I still get IDed when buy
by JoeyJoJoJr 2y ago
I used to have a soft voice and would constantly be spoken over, and not really listened to. I also look very young (I am late 30s and
I still get IDed when buying alcohol).
Some things that helped me:
- I grew a beared that accentuated my jawline
- When people would begin to interrupt me, I would continue on with my sentence regardless of them speaking, and I would finish my sentence. I would be prepared to let it get a little awkward if they don’t get the hint at first
- Talking a lot more helped. Since having a baby, I talk to her all the time. I sing and talk loudly and energetically to her to make her laugh. I make up a wide array of characters with voices. This has changed the tone of my voice in that it is now deeper, less strained, and more powerful. I have noticed a difference in my confidence talking to people and how they listen to me.
- I noticed a difference in my interactions just after doing Yoga or meditation. Conversation is often about energy, and yoga or meditation can get you more attuned to giving the right amount.
- I noticed the less I cared the easier it got. I make sure that I am respectful and acknowledging of people, I am open and receptive to connecting with the right people, but it’s not my mission to be entertaining or interesting to others.
- If I feel like I am giving a lot more to the other person/people in the interactions, I start to look elsewhere for people that are more reciprocal with their interactions.
- I tried reading books on charisma, small talk, How to Win Friends and Influence People, etc. I don’t think any of this actually had much impact or it didn’t resonate with me. IMO, going to the gym is probably going to have a lot more impact to get people to listen to you than what books can offer.
- Y_Y 2y agoFwiw I have a deep voice and have had a beard for more than ten years. I've read HtWFaIP and some other good self-help/pop psych. I spend lots of time talking (though often to captive or disinterested audiences). I do some meditation, and tick lots of the other obvious boxes. I still struggle with keeping people's attention and it's bad enough to bother me. All I'm getting at is that if there's a silver bullet I haven't found it.
- JoeyJoJoJr 2y agoIs it possible that it is the environment you are in? For me it was quite eye opening moving cities and suddenly seeing that people were a lot more interested in what I had to say. Sometimes it’s not you, and it really is everybody else.
- reassess_blind 2y agoCould it be your enthusiasm or level of overall engagement of the other parties? Perhaps take a recording of someone you find engaging to listen to, and record yourself and really play spot the difference.
- wdhilliard 2y agoGod people really think other people GAF about their beards. FWIW I stopped reading there, so this might be relevant to why people talk over you.
- 2024user 2y agoI agree with you but the second point is actually good: "When people would begin to interrupt me, I would continue on with my sentence regardless of them speaking, and I would finish my sentence. I would be prepared to let it get a little awkward if they don’t get the hint at first" I think this one applies less in a friends setting and maybe more in the workplace but sometimes you have to put your foot down and insist you won't be interrupted.