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"I feared I’d just lost my optimal soulmate and was now doomed to a suboptimal life, one that wouldn’t be as meaningful as it could be, one that fell short of i

• physicles 2y ago
  This mindset is such a trap. It leads to worse outcomes. Out of all the people you can pair-bond with, and for some definition of soulmateness, one person is the greatest. In the space of all the decisions you could’ve made in your life, there are some paths that would’ve indeed led you to that person. But that person’s identity, and that path, are simply unknowable. Even if they were knowable, odds are you’d screw up somewhere down the line, and know that you did so, and that could destroy a person. Similarly, your life definitely isn’t as meaningful as it could possibly have been (for some definition of meaning), and it definitely has fallen short of its potential. Your life is suboptimal. Everyone’s is. This is human. This is ok. To be clear: it’s up to you to decide whether this is ok. If you decide it’s not ok, then as you agonize over the delta between your hypothetical maximized self and your actual self, you will miss your life. That hypothetical maximized self doesn’t exist. Fuck ‘em. You exist. You’re the only version of you that matters.